I went camping with the boys in the Bruce Peninsula this past weekend. It was a nice, relaxing trip and a decent getaway, but it started out on the worst foot possible.
Pea is really beginning to grasp time and distance. When we tell her she has 5 minutes to play, for example, she knows that her time is almost up and doesn’t (usually) put up a fuss when we take her upstairs for her bath. When I tell her I am going to play hockey, she understands that I will be leaving the house and that I’ll be back in a few hours.
On Thursday night, as I put her to bed for the last time before my trip, I explained to her that Daddy would be going away camping for a few days, and that I wouldn’t be able to see her until he got back on Monday.
She nodded in understanding, but I could tell from the look on her eyes that she wasn’t happy.
That night, she slept extremely poorly. After putting her to bed, she woke up within an hour and insisted I stay close by. She woke two more times before I needed to get up for my trip, and when my alarm went off at 4:15 am, she was already wide awake.
To try and lure her back to sleep, my wife brought her into her room and rocked with her on a chair. I showered, gathered my things, and headed out for my trip. I left without saying my goodbyes, in the hopes that I wouldn’t disrupt my wife’s attempts to get her back to sleep.
Let’s call that decision a bad one.
About 20 minutes after I left, I got a call from my wife.
Wife – “You didn’t leave without saying goodbye, did you?”Me – “I did, yeah. I didn’t want to wake her in case she was close to falling asleep again.”Wife – “Ok, we have a problem. She’s crying, like really crying, and is asking for you.”Me – “I can’t come back, I’m half way there and I’ll be late to meet the guys. Let me talk to her.”
The ensuing conversation between me and my clearly distraught little girl was the worst conversation I have ever had with her. She was crying and urging me with everything she had to come home for dodo (French for sleep). She was clearly emotional and very upset.
As I choked back my own tears, I tried to remind her that I was going camping and that I’d be back in a few days. Eventually, she seemed OK with things, but the conversation left me extremely upset. I wondered if she was scared that I wasn’t coming back. I wondered if she was mad because I didn’t say goodbye.
My wife tells me it was another two hours before she stopped crying and fell asleep. Just that thought alone makes me want to quit my job and never leave her side again.
In the end, I know that the distance for a few days will make me a better parent and will help Pea understand that she won’t always have her safety net around her and that she needs to get used to coping on her own.
But I can already tell you this – I don’t want to go camping ever again.
I love this. Thanks for sharing!
Awww. I know it’s hard but that is a true life lesson for her. And her mom was there to comfort her. She is becoming aware of things outside of her immediate self and it is scary. But, if you never left she would never learn that people leave and come back.
As far as leaving without saying goodbye, this is one of those situations where you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you had gone in and woken her or disturbed her she could have been extremely upset and you may have had to leave with her in hysterics. There is no “right” way in this case.
My one little piece of advice is to your wife from someone who knows and has been there. I get that she was probably really tired and needed to offload but I never think it is a good idea to tell the other person all of the sordid details. It just leads to major guilt and neither or you enjoying yourselves. Pea was in her mother’s loving arms and she recovered. It really didn’t help anyone for you to know how bad it was. I know the times my kids had meltdowns when I was gone the guilt of knowing how bad it really was would have nearly killed me. You weren’t there so what’s the point? When you’re tired and fed up it’s hard but probably best to call a friend or her mom. That way she can vent about you too!
Ok i am already crying from reading Sara’s post and now I am crying even harder.
As much as you felt terrible and I am sure you couldn’t wait to get home from your camping trip I have to say “kudos” to you…for being the kind of Dad that a child needs.
She obviously loves you so very much and you are clearly important in her life…that is so very very precious!!