3 years and a lifetime

Today, September 6 2009,  I have been separated 3 years and a lifetime. I remember being married the way you remember a book or a movie; moments, general plot and some feeling around all of it. It actually no longer feels like I ever starred in it.

I spoke to my ex husband this morning and felt as I always have, the difference in our strength. Once again I was solid and strong in a way that always made me feel I had to make up the difference between us. I  felt nothing – no connection, no past and no future. It was odd but inconsequential. I read once that grieving needs to feed well for 1000 days- I have no idea as there is a dizzying selection of theories.

Time is a powerful thing. Mostly you beg  for it to slow down to a stop but in this case you plead for it to speed up to take you to a beautiful safe high top vista called the three year mark.