If the title of this blog looks familiar, it is because I stole it from the August Issue of "The Oprah Magazine." I don’t usually buy this, I have a sort of reverse snobbery thing going with Oprah. If she recommends something, I immediately don’t like it, even if it is the greatest thing of its kind on earth. Whenever I watch her show, all I notice is how she turns every topic and every conversation into something about herself and then I get so annoyed I lose track of the topic in the first place.
But I bought the August issue because as a professional worrier and seeker of doom, I thought I might benefit from setting aside 21 of my concerns. Unfortunately, I ended up adding more. Apparently, there were a number of things I have not been worrying about and should be.
The list that author Suzanne Colon and her friends put together could be divided into 4 categories and included:
Health concerns
- weight loss
- chances of getting cancer
- dementia
- the health of parents
- bone density and joint health
- painful orgasms
- lack of healthy diet and exercise
- wrinkles
Family Issues
- balance between work and family
- divorce and husband will find new mate
- cheating husband
- fear of injury or death to partner
- retirement income
- missed opportunity to have children
Global Issues
- terrorism
- global warming
- exploitation of poverty stricken nations
Personal Issues
- aging and not living life fully
- travel
- work issues
It has not occurred to me to worry about over half of these topics and the other half usually only keep me up at nights when everything else is going well. Obviously I give all of these issues their due at some point or other but these are not the worries that keep me from sleeping. Perhaps I am not a big enough person, but the wrinkles and bags around my eyes come from much more immediate concerns.
Here are 21 things that have kept me up in recent months:
- How will I claim my multi-million dollar 649 prize without anyone knowing I won it?
- How will I ever be able to get up at 6 am for a run if it is 1 am now and I am still awake worrying about wether or not I will miss the alarm?
- How will I cope when Cupcake gets her driver’s license?
- What will we eat for dinner tonight?
- Whose birthday have I missed?
- How do I get hot sauce stains out of my brand new white blouse?
- What did I do at school today that a parent or student is going to complain about tomorrow?
- Will my child(ren)/step-children/husband keep loving me as much as I love them?
- Is this Friday the mortgage payment of is it next week?
- What day is swimming registration? and do I have my family number?
- Did I close the garage door?
- Does Mr. Husband have a clean shirt for work tomorrow or will I have to hit the dry cleaners right as they open at 6:30 since I forgot to do it today?
- Is there enough milk left for breakfast?
- Am I the only mom in my neighbourhood who has not done a baby book?
- Is it more important to be nice or set a good example? Can I do both?
- Is this the day an adoption agency will call us with a baby?
- Do we have a babysitter for Saturday night?
- Can we afford to keep feeding Sir Talksalot if he keeps growing?
- Will I ever stop thinking about the time I…..(did or said whatever mean or stupid thing I did or said.)?
- Does everyone really have bras and panties that match?
- Did I pay the phone bill in time?
I also tend to do most of my worrying in the car. I am much more awake, and creative there. My worries won’t change the world or lead to life altering decisions, I’m just too tired at the end of the day to invest a lot of energy worrying about the big picture. I am much more into the trees than the forest. This is probably not very good since most of my concerns didn’t even rate on the Oprah list. At least that will give me one more thing to worry about tonight.
How about you? What do you worry about?
Anyone else bummed after reading this? Maybe it’s just me.
I dont have a single pair of matching anything, including socks, and sometimes, shoes…
Ha! I also have mulled about cashing in a winning 649 ticket without anyone knowing! Do they take your picture if you win alot? Can you wear a disguise? If so, what would you dress up as? More questions to keep you awake at night.
I am also concerned about the painful orgasm thing. Is that an oxymoron?
OK. Why do we do this to ourselves?? I tend to be up in the wee hours worrying about crazy things…like getting enough sleep 😛
I also create scenarios in my head like what if…my husband met someone else/lost his job/got sick…you get it. Once it starts, especially when I’m tired, it just won’t stop.
Also, the logistical stuff like registration for classes/camps/RSVPs for parties, etc. I just KNOW I’ve forgotten SOMETHING!
One question about the Oprah thing…painful orgasms?? Never heard of this. Should I be worried?? After all, it was important enough to make the list.
Brilliant post — I am right there with you with your whole list (except the dry cleaner — I rarely make it there!)
Can help you out with #6 – if it is tomato-based, wash it in hot water and then hang it in the sun, presto, stain will be gone (UV A rays break down tomato).
And #13? Grrr, a daily occurence when my Mr. Husband is home on his week off!!! (Hellooooo????? Maybe buy more than 1 LITRE OF FREAKING MILK AT A TIME, we have 3 kids you know???)
Loved your list, so true. And good luck on the adoption, you’re a star!
I love that you posted your ‘personal’ worries, b/c I bet a lot of women will see themselves in you!, (I thought I was the only sane, (semi-sane?), person who spent time obsessing over how to manage/what to do when I win the lotto). One small comfort, or perhaps just one more thing to worry about for the future, is that nobody seems to worry like the older mother/grandmother. Both my mother and mother-in-law have Olympic size worries, that are pretty bizarre and unrelated to anything remotely likely….like, recently, ‘Don’t wash your hands in the kitchen sink because the hand soap and sunscreen could contaminate the food I’m going to wash later’; or, ‘Don’t feed your children this type of food or they could get cancer/develop serious allergies, etc.’. My mother-in-law mails me newspaper clippings at least twice a month of things that could go wrong in my life, or things that have gone wrong for someone else…Your worries are healthy, the others are a bit crazy.
Oh Elizabeth, you make me laugh! And also glad to know I’m not the only one. I am currently worrying about: having offended my mother the last time we spoke; how to draw a My Little Pony in icing on a cake; how to keep 6 5 year old girls and a 3 year old boy happy for 2 hours in 8 bazillion degree weather; how much money to spend on loot bags; how we will get my husband out of his call to jury duty on the only week he booked as vacation this summer; how to organize my kids’ extra-curricular activities and child care and be able to go back to school myself. There are more, but I don’t want to keep you up at night too!
I can help you out with a few of these…
1. I will cash in the ticket for you, for a small fee.
14. If I lived in your neighbourhood, you would not be the only one.
20. No.
I worry about a lot of the same things. I also worry about the safety of our pool.