I lost one hour of my life today trying to break up get a lower package with my internet provider.
I am now super duper close with Nick in anal retention.
Now while I felt your attitude changed when I said I am thinking of leaving you, Nick, I still want to help you with a few things-
1. You need to drink a cup of coffee or six. While being laid back is great when you are with the lads having a few pints, the sedative approach to your job left me crazy.
2. While a child in grade 2 often reads outloud very very slowly what they are writing down as a way of preventing mistakes, this is not a good sign from an adult. You really did not instill anything good when you recited our mutually agreed apon deal over and over again in that caffeine-less slow motion style of yours
3. You should not start your day with a doobie. You need all your brain cells for this job
4. When I said ” Not good enough, Nick” and you said “Ok I will go to my supervisor and see what I can do” We both know you got up, turned in a circle three times, clicked your heels, maybe flipped me the bird and then got back on our call.
4. I am so bored thinking about it I can’t remember
5. Nick when you asked for my birthdate and I gave it and said ” I look pretty good for my age” it wasn’t that funny. Really. I was just getting really, really bored with our relationship.
6. While you did whatever it is you do, I wrapped 6 presents, took the garbage out, cleaned, unloaded the dishwasher, went pee, recieved a package at the door, swept, ate my lunch, paid bills, spoke to my mailman Lloyd, and folded laundry.
7. While doing all this stuff I, by mistake, took the call off speaker and placed it onto talk. All that time when I could not hear you I thought you had put me on hold. Many,many minutes later I realized my error, went back to the call, only to find you had not noticed and were continuing to talk to yourself. This is funny and tragic, Nick.
8. Finally Nick, you and I both know you are a wee bit full of sh%t. So please don’t insult my intelligence. It leaves me wanting to shoot myself.
And lucky me, in a year I get to call you back, on the anniversary of our first “date” to renegotiate this fabulous new deal.
Piss me off. What a girl has to do to save hundreds.
LOVE it- great 70’s word.
Best part of this? You typing doobie and me picturing you saying it…:)
I really needed a laugh today, Nancy. Thank you for this!