This is somewhat fascinating to me as it stirs up a lot of emotion with the marrieds.
You need to understand that, pretty much without exception, we would all rather be in a good and solid marriage.
But we are not.
We had to leave or be left.
Now dating we are discovering much about ourselves and the ‘outside’ world.
If we say outloud, “I want everything” we are met with gasps.
Is it piggy or greedy to want everything and what does that mean?
When I say what I want it is not about perfection or a certain look- in fact physical looks are dramatically less important to me then they were in my 20’s. However a dramatic connection is tremedously important. But that comes from unexpected and deeper places then it used to.
When a man you are dating does not treat you or himself well – you may not accept it.
This is not your husband having a difficult time or going through hardship.
This is not the man that you made babies with, who held your hand when you were sad, who created traditions with you, played Santa, made you that favourite meal every Sunday, rubbed your back after skiing, cut your children’s umbilical cords and took oaths with you.
This is just someone you are dating.
If he shows little tenderness or consideration or does not care for himself or you in the way that you do; what do you owe him? This is not your husband going through difficulty.
If he consistently disappoints or does not put his best self to you- what are you doing?
We are not afraid of being alone.
We are not afraid of doing the hard thing.
We are not going back to that dark place of lacking.
We want everything.
And by that we mean – we want what we are able to give. And ready to give.
And why not say it out loud?
(I am pretty sure single men feel the same way but I can’t speak for you)
come on Sherry – one little date?
i totally get this..and i appreciate your reminding me that whoever i may meet in my future (have not yet jumped/been pushed into the dating world) i don’t owe them anything…i am a very loyal, giving, loving person and i need to remind myself often that i too deserve to be cherished and appreciated and above all respected. here’s hoping we all get back what we give…
You’re so right-we’re all deserving of receiving as much love, respect and commitment as we put out. I didn’t feel that reciprocity in my marriage and when I’m ready to start dating, that’s one of the things that I want….and I don’t believe that’s being too greedy!
Everyone should want and have everything… but when you’re in the “interviewing” stage, and you’re looking for someone’s “best foot forward” then indeed, you must choose what you like best.
This married lady ain’t stirred up at all – I get you. Completely. 😉
well said Nanc! (and I love that you said ‘piggy’ it just makes me laugh)!
You should want and have everything….
Well-said!!!