If you think the Dad in your life is clueless, it may not be his fault. Blame the media.
I can hear you already. Oh, c’mon Shawn, the media? How passé. How trite. How convenient.
Let me explain.
There is no denying that gender roles still exist in our society. By and large, men are still seen as the “hunter/gatherers,” and women are still considered to be the loving and nurturing of the two sexes.
The reality may be that we are far more progressive in how we actually parent our kids. But perception remains reality, and the world is still bombarded with the imagery of man as worker bee and woman as, well, Queen bee.
As a Dad, who has taken responsibility for teaching his kid right from wrong, I can easily make the argument that it really doesn’t matter what role society slots me into. As long as I make a concerted effort to teach my child that Dads can be as nurturing and loving as Moms, I am showing her that these gender roles aren’t absolute truths.
But as I look around me, every day, I realize that society is really pushing hard in favour of the status quo.
Consider some of the following:
- When was the last time you saw a Dad on the cover of a parenting magazine?
- For that matter, when was the last time you saw a Dad on any of the interior pages of a parenting magazine?
- Have you ever seen a man involved in the sale and promotion of any baby-related products?
- Do you think anyone is using the term Daddy Blogger strategically in Canadian boardrooms?
Why are loving, caring and nurturing men and Dads still taboo? Well, research shows that the women/Moms of the world make the vast majority of the purchasing decisions in any given household. This rationalizes the decision to portray Moms in ads and in magazines because women are more likely to identify with a product or situation if they can see themselves using it.
Moms are therefore seen as the ones who buy the things that keep their kids happy and healthy. Where is Dad? I suppose the assumption is that he’s at work, making the money to buy the bacon, which Mom will then feed the kids.
Until Dads can be seen as equal contributors to domestic family life as Moms, the notion of Dad the hunter and Mom the nurturer may continue to prevail.
No magazine covers for us. No overwhelmingly popular Daddy bloggers for the time being.
For the record, I am not criticizing the impression of Moms as nurturers, or the network and trust Moms have established for themselves. It’s amazing that women have connected with both one another and their families is such a profound and meaningful way. I feel lucky to be somewhat of an insider, through this blog, and I have learned and been able to apply skills that have made me a better Father.
To the contrary, I’m wondering when the image of Dad as nurturer will become the prevailing societal interpretation, with buffoons and disinterested partners being the exception.
Recently, I have been making a dedicated effort to find and connect with other Dads on Twitter. I have been overwhelmed by the amount of Dads out there who do what I do, and at how passionate and dedicated they are to their family lives and their roles as fathers. We are every bit as nurturing, caring and loving as Moms; just as Moms are every bit as capable of bringing home the bacon.
So c’mon, media. Get your collective heads out of the sand. Dads are parents too.
(Yes, that’s my closing argument – “So c’mon, media.”)
Interesting post.
My husband is a great father but he doesn’t buy the kid stuff, I do. And it seems to be the same in most families (if the stats are accurate). Also, he isn’t interested in reading about parenting, he want me to give him the executive summary if I read something interesting and useful. I don’t think he would read Today’s Parent even if there was a dad on the cover (I could be wrong, I’ll ask him).
Maybe what dad’s need a new magazines geared at them. Not to stereo type but in my husband’s case it would be something like “Outdoor Adventures with Kids” (naturally I’d read it too). There would be plenty of opportunity for ads selling gear for kids. Hmmm, what else? Any ideas out there?
This post ties into feminist (equalist) issues also, because the media perpetuates the gender roles that slot us (women and men) into roles that we aren’t necessarily satisfied with. The result is often a lot of dissatisfaction.
Food for thought.
Oh, and, I agree about the parking.
Well written! My hubby and I constantly talk about this issue, Dads are always portrayed as bumbling idiots to the far superior mom in commercials and on TV. My husband is a fantastic father (and a far superior cook than I am) and most of our children’s fathers are also fantastic.
Also at our local Walmart they have Parking that says for Mom’s and kids — hello Daddies have to park farther away — cmon – How about a sign that just says Parking for parents
Shawn- my brothers and sister in law were just commenting on this! I think it seems like a tough time to be a guy in some ways- you guys are consistently portrayed as imbeciles in ads and some sitcoms.
i have subscribed and still read parenting magazines and have written letters to the editor, taken their surveys and much more about the lack of dads on covers (except june, fathers only exist in june apparently). parents canada only has a mother on the cover, today’s parent is usually a mother, canadian family has one child and a mother.
it drives me nuts! i understand the demographic is, basically, me (yup, another mother) who is reading the magazine but get your head out of the sand is right! i sometimes feel like these were published by june cleaver!