I called her my Nanny. She was my mother’s mother and she lived in England, visiting maybe once every two years and staying with us for about three weeks at at time. She was round, with white curly hair and a huge heart. She had candy in her purse, a strong British accent and a huge heart. She called my mother Twink, as it was her family nickname growing up and smelled like, well, a flowery scent that I still could recognize, but can not name. She died when I was in my early thirties, I wrote her a note that my mother took to England, but never had a chance to deliver. I did not know my mother’s father.
Papa and Hud
On my dad’s side, I barely remember my grandfather. He had a drinking problem and spent most of the time at his house in Niagara Falls lying on the couch. He died when I was about five. My step grandmother was kind, but distant, not the same aura of warmth as a typical grandparent. I did not know my father’s mother.
My kids have it different. As a child of divorce, on my side they have two sets of grandparents. My mother (Nana), her husband (Granddad), my dad (Papa) and his wife (Oma). On Steph’s side there is Grampy and Grandma, recently separated but with a strong, just now separate role in their lives.
All these grandparents have different relationships with my boys. My mother is silly and has candy in her purse. She will get down and crawl on the floor with Tasman or do crafts with Hudson. Grandad (her husband) is a bit gruff on purpose and a tad over protective. Papa (my dad) is a bit gruff not on purpose, but his stoicism and general manly man character is broken down by a quick knee hug from Tasman or a shoulder hug from Hud. Oma is warm and shows affection through special meals or thoughtful gifts where she tries to match character traits with purchases.
Grampy and Tasman
Steph’s mom, Grandma, is the nervous one, would make the boys wear helmets playing catch if we would let her. She also attracts the boys through old school cooking, baked beans, pot roast and the like, and while sometimes overbearing, the boys both recognize her fragility and make an effort to ensure their blanket of prescribed love is felt, because she sometimes really needs it. Grampy is the fun one, a former big plane pilot, he loves all the neat toys, the telescopes, the electronic drum kits, even the Playstation 3’s that allow him to bridge the generational gap with a press of a button along side a tickle of a rib.
Steph, Hud and Grandma
My parents are older, in their 70’s and Steph’s parents are in the 60’s. They are in general good health and see the boys in various blips throughout the year. I watch how Hud and Tasman interact with them, both out of curiosity and to ensure there is an extra layer of respect during the time spent together.
Nana and new Tasman!
I am all for any extra piles of love my kids get; from grandparents, aunts and uncles, even from my close friends that are developing bonds with the boys. I think, what the hell, the more the merrier, and each new relationship vein that trickles toward their hearts can only add value to their life experience.
We had a really great Easter visiting Steph’s family in Hudson, Quebec. Surrounded by love and food and love it was one of those weekends where I felt blessed to have so many different influences in my life and, more importantly in lives of my two boys.
They all drive me crazy, but they all deserve credit for the amount of time and effort (however varied) they dedicate to my boys.
I am truly sorry for your loss.
J.
Oh, Jason. I love this post but at the same time it hurts my heart. My grandparents were a huge part of my life as a child and I so wanted that for my kids. Unfortunately, the fates had something else in mind. My husband’s parents are in the their 80s and, although they enjoy the kids to a degree, they are not really involved with them. The kids are too busy and active.
But the saddest part for me is that my mom was THE BEST grandma (and mom) ever. She was one of those people who accepted people for who they are and it was just so easy for my kids to be themselves with her. They adored her. The walks in the woods, the adventures, the cuddles, the sleepovers, the easy going laughter, all of these things we all took for granted. And then in her mid-60s my mom was taken from us and my kids lost that special grandparent relationship. My dad is simply not that guy, although he is around and he loves them, it is not the same.
Cherish this relationship. It IS so special. Your boys are very fortunate to have all of these special and unique people in their lives who love them!