Will and I had this awesome night planned….I got home from work, loaded up the picnic basket, got our bathers, grabbed the bike and went and got him from daycare. He hadn’t pooped in his pants all day – so we were celebrating.
We laid out our blanket and the swarm set in! Will was shrieking, crying and going hysterical. The swarm was two bees. TWO. We were at a birthday party yesterday that was a total blast but the bees (or wasps – I swear I don’t know the difference) around the food were like a horror movie but Will never reacted to them. So what the hell happened in a day???
I was very sympathetic at first. By the fourth meltdown, I won’t lie, I sort of lost it. Then we went to the pool and he would not STOP talking about bees and I just laid it down – ‘one more word about bees and we were leaving and not going for popsicles.’ He stopped and when we were done swimming, he said ‘I no talk about bees anymore mom.’ Cue the mom guilt.
I felt like ass so we sat down and talked about bees. I explained that they wouldn’t hurt you if you left them alone and that they were just around us because he smelled so freaking good. Then we decided from now on we’d say ‘bees you need to buzz off.’ And he seems great with that.
But what if he’s not? They are everywhere right now. I’m talking clutching at my neck hysteria….
How do you handle your child’s fears? I’m more than slightly positive that I didn’t handle it the right way.
my daughter held a massive centipede for “bug day” but a tiny spider runs over her floor and she hits the roof. drives me nuts. i’m still trying to take your “no yell” challenge but sometimes it’s hard!
I handle anything badly if I have not slept well or am too busy for problems.
It is also hard when you have a ‘vision’ of a particular night together and it does not go the right way. It was supposed to be idyllic right? Hard to let go of that.
My oldest went through a natural disaster phase that was cuckoo. My youngest hates bees as well and was stung once three times in two minutes- she also lost it on a rope bridge that swung over a river and I had to close the thing down to talk her back from it she was so frozen with fear .
I think you were fine, Sara. Plus you debriefed and you can talk about ways to get rid of them (blow on them- don’t swat them)
I think I would have gone a bit scream-y by the end of that too. My seven year old has a fear of flying bugs like bees and flies, and I admit that I’m exasperated when I tell him over and over again how they won’t hurt him, that they’re just minding their own business, doing what flies, bees, etc. do… and that as long as he’s not scarring them or swatting a them, he’ll be fine. And of course, he still has a mini fit whenever there’s a bee around, or when there’s a fly in the house… I roll my eyes and tell him to relax. (Yeah, I suck.)
I think you done good, girl. There are times for “just knock it off!” and I believe was warranted in this case. He’ll be fine, right? (Right?!)
Hey Chantel – my nephew with autism also has this bee reaction (although Will has never seen it). He also has it over pigeons…which is a problem around here! I tend to be way more sympathetic with Scotty because of it -maybe I should try that with Will.
Bath tub lint!!!!!!!! Classic!
those are all awesome ideas – thanks!
I’m with you on tackling the fears…I’m trying to do that now that I have him. Snakes are a big one for me. And I have to say I don’t love bees either but I sat there last night adn let them land all over me to show him that it was fine (which it was!)
Hmmmm you could try investigating about any honey bee centres in your neck of the woods? Maybe you can go there as an outing and don bee-keeper suits and check out the bees in action? Maybe your local science centre has a bee section? What else… see if you can find some books in the library about bees? Winnie The Pooh books / movies / etc usually have AT LEAST one scene of Pooh scooping honey out of a pot. Good example of how bees are helpful…Pooh wouldn’t be so cute and tubby without the honey! Eat honey yourself (it’s good for you!) and explain where it comes from.
Sometimes the best way to face a fear is tackle it head on.
Personally I’m terrified of heights (ie. I get dizzy on a step-ladder!) and water. I’ve walked across suspension bridges though and went snorkelling in Australia! (with much coaxing mind you…haha)
Should’ve mentioned the birds and one major talk would’ve been taken care of just like that.
When my daughter went through this (over BATHTUB LINT!!!!) I freely admit that I totally lost my cool. (Because shouting irrationally at a kid who is behaving irrationally is always the best way to fix it.) The reality is that I can’t decide what she’s going to be afraid of, I can only decide how I’m going to respond to it. So we talked about lint, a lot – where it comes from, how it’s harmless, etc, etc, etc. We showed her how to get the lint out from between her toes before she got into the bath. We got her a tea strainer with a handle so she could sift the lint out of the tub. And generally just waited for her to get over it.
I think you did an awesome job helping Will with this. Like Chantel said, the best thing you can do is soothe, explain and otherwise demonstrate how not scary bees, or bathtub lint, or whatever really are. (And no, I’m not joking at all about the lint. TERROR, I tell you.)
Wow this could be my son – but he has aspergers and anxiety that is well and beyond that! One of his main fears is you guessed it – bees! He is 11, however, his emotional behaviour is probably more like an 8 year old. That said, fears can be really difficult because children just don’t really seem to understand the logic behind their fears. I think how you handled it was great! I would suggest keep letting him know that as long as he doesn’t bother them they won’t bother him. perhaps point out the good things bee’s can do……um yeah well I’ll let you goggle that info – lol. One of the other things I try to do is to not make a big deal of any fears because then they tend to think there is a reason to be afraid.
Oh and you know what my daughter is afraid of? Barbies and any dolls – seriously she is convinced they are going to kill her – she has OCD though and this is a part of it. Thank goodness she is the logical child (after all she is academically gifted) but still it took a long time to get over it – well she hasn’t fully yet. I think I have a completely wacky household:)