I’m guessing in about 15 years, Will will be lying on a therapist’s couch talking about the Fall of 2012 and how he felt neglected by his mother. I say this with tongue in cheek…somewhat.
Before I had Will, to say I had a crazy social life would be a bit of an understatement. I have some friends who called me the ‘double booker’. I was busy. I loved it but every now and then, I would find myself overwhelmed and retreat to myself for a few weeks to get grounded (and save some cash).
I have been INCREDIBLY blessed over the course of Will’s life to still have an active social life. Not crazy but active. I play platform tennis every Thursday and I try to have him have a sleepover at least once a month so mom can get her crazy on or go to a movie that isn’t animated. I have book club once a month. I’ve also nicely integrated kids into social life – you just make sure you like the parents.
It’s official though. I have WAY overbooked myself for October – December. And we’re starting to feel it. And I’m just now in the thick of it. This weekend will be my third without Will of the past four. I’m busy Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday of this week and next.
I kept him home from school yesterday so we could have a morning together. When I dropped him at kindergarten, he stood there with massive, quiet tears streaming down his face. I dropped to my knees, hugged him and said ‘what’s wrong’??? ‘Well, I don’t want you to go away this weekend.’ Sshh? Did you hear that? That was my heart breaking.
Yes. I can cancel this weekend. And feasibly, I can cancel a couple of the upcoming nights. But I’m not going to. What I am going to do is keep December free and clear for my boy and all things Christmas. And in the future, I’m going to take a closer look at my calendar and not book so many things back to back to back. (and have more moments like this!)
Oh and I’m going to buy him a crap ass load of treats.
What about you? Do you get out a lot? Do you ever feel the guilt??
thanks Tracy…. I think it does too but it’s even a bit much for me. I’m going to slowwwwww er down!
I don’t get out a lot, but I still feel guilty. not because I don’t think it’s okay for me to go out, but because my job already requires me to be away two evenings a week, so anything extra that takes me away from my kids and puts another night of solo parenting on my husband can seem… unnecessary? Selfish? A frill? It’s also something that he doesn’t take. And I also hate solo nights myself, so while work nights are not negotiable, I feel like he’s not happy about an extra night like that, and I can very much understand. So yeah. I try and fit my social life into lunches or coffee with friends on my days off, between errands, when it will impact everyone less and still give me something for myself.
I only dream about having the social life I once used to! Enjoy it!
well, seeing you with a healthy social life should be a good model for him for the future, non? i know it’s impossible to not feel guilty…i guess that comes with the territory!
We have a very active social calendar. Even the shoulder seasons now seem to be designated times where we socialize with people with similar agendas. And Tracey is right, for us it starts this weekend right through to new year’s.
I find lots of stuff now revolves around other parents and kids and overnight functions so we can dig in a bit and not worry about getting home. The kids seem satisfied with the combination of their friends and ours and we are happy getting out and spending time with the people we actually like.
Big nights out on the town still happen, but more often than not, one of us is at home making the other one feel less guilty. I recognize your situation does not allow for that, but I am saying, that the older you get, the easier it is to feel less guilty about spending time for yourself.
Great post!
I find it comes in waves… and then I need some down time to just be chill at home, and remember what it’s like to be in bed with the lights out by midnight. I’m trying to be on a down-swing right now – from my birthday (Nov. 24) onward to Christmas, it’s just a massive party train. (And I never feel guilty.) She can’t help it, the girl can’t help it…
Sometimes a lady needs time to do the things she likes – it helps her be a better woman. And a better mother, I reckon. 😉