When I was a young girl, especially pre-teen and early teens, I desperately wanted to grow up. I couldn’t wait to be able to stay up later, or go places on my own, to wear make-up and drive a car. I wanted to be taken seriously and I just couldn’t wait for it to happen. I often hear the statement, “Kids are growing up too fast these days!” and if you take 5 minutes to check out pop culture you will be hard pressed to disagree.
I have a nearly 11 year-old who will not acknowledge a single sign of the inevitable passage of time and its impact on her person.
But not so fast, folks. I am experiencing exactly the opposite. I have a nearly 11 year-old who will not acknowledge a single sign of the inevitable passage of time and its impact on her person. Even something as simple as, “you’re growing up so you need to shower more” will put her into a panic. If I open my mouth to say “soon you will be [insert growing-up related comment here]” she will turn and walk away. Even if it is something I think she will be happy about her resistance is no match for me. So, we have cuddles and I reassure her that she is still “little” and she is still my baby but I worry. There are conversations that need to be had and information she will need as she enters this stage of her life. The other day I heard her singing a popular song in the car with the words “getting high” in it. I asked her, “do you know what that means?”. Her response? “If it has anything to do with growing up or grown-ups I don’t want to know.” Well, I guess we won’t be having that chat right now either.
I worry. There are conversations that need to be had and information she will need as she enter this stage of her life.
I adore the fact that she wants to preserve her childhood as long as she can. I wish I had focused less on growing up when I was a kid and just enjoyed it. The time is so short lived! However, I worry about missing a certain window for communication. A time before she hears it all through other sources. A time when I can influence her thinking with our values and give her answers and comfort that she will need as she enters her teens. I am glad she isn’t growing up too fast but she doesn’t seem to want to grow up at all. What would you do?
My Maddy is much the same. While she is definitely a “girlie-girl” and loves 1D, Peeta and wearing leggings as pants, she really DOES NOT want to grow up. Maybe being the youngest is part of it? You watch your older sibling(s) go through it and don’t want to change like they did?
Dunno, really, and there’s lots of great advice below, but here are my thoughts. She will figure it out (just like she WILL grow up). Keep having the important talks in small doses when you can. She might not want to listen, but she will still hear. Then, when she needs your wisdom, those oft-spoken words will percolate to the surface.
I definitely try and sneak in little words of wisdom. I tell her stories about myself or have a conversation with her brother or dad when I know she is listening (like in the car). It is just so foreign to me. I asked a zillion questions and shared everything!
Great post, Jen. I promised my children a long time ago I would never say “you are too old for that” if they promised to never say the same to me. Childhood is short and adulthood overrated. This way she has is magnificent. Magnificent. Enjoy it. I am quite sure she is wise and capable in all the ways she should be. If you are concerned about the conversations you think you should have tell about your own anecdotes of how you learned a few things from the wrong sources and you want to avoid that with her. I had an older girl tell me I would bleed for a whole month every year when I got my period! Yikes. xo
Love it…”she is wise and capable in all the ways she should be”
That’s what I worry about, Nancy! She is so closed off that she will end up hearing about everything from someone who doesn’t have their information straight or doesn’t share our values. But I guess I have no choice. She has always been her own person!
having little girls be little is a gift! mine are quite happy with kid-dom and i am happy to not have them grow up so fast. they play like they’re 5 but without all of the kindergarten baggage! they can play intelligently and independently with toys and not (always) be all teenager-y. i’m loving this time (they’re 10 1/2 and 8) and will miss these girls as they turn into teens. but, i guess i’ll just have to deal with it and embrace the older kids, too 🙂
I know, right? My oldest hit thirteen just last month and it has been a night-and-day transition. She’s still lovely and wonderful, but definitely NOT a little girl anymore. It’s an amazing transition to navigate that journey between mothering a girl and mothering a teenager. It happens fast and you have to be able to think on your feet. A LOT. (Oh, and watch your mouth…they understand EVERYTHING.)
True, Julie. Both my kids (10 & 14) are pretty low maintenance right now and they are pretty good to each other. Is it the calm before the storm?? 😉
She’ll just take her time discovering what she likes… and there’s nothing wrong with having a girl who isn’t so… fast… it’ll be interesting to see how she changes. And she’s lovely just as she is, of course!!
She is, Tracey. A mysterious, quirky, amazing girl! I am curious to see how she will change. She is so happy in her little bubble 🙂
Hi Jen,
I can relate. I learned about puberty in grade 3. I was curious too early for my own good and my heavy left-brain self made the realities of puberty crystal clear. I did not think it was a miracle. So while my older sister who is more right brain embraced growing up, I rejected it. I was very into active and adventurous play and the reality of monthly cycles made me mourn my childhood even as I was still in it. I remember my mother not knowing what to do with a sporty, shower-refusing, anti-hairbrushing kid. Once the change happened, I was really bummed over the summer then I started grade 8 and life went on. My saving grace was being later than many of my friends….had I been an early bloomer, I am not sure what I would have done. Hope this helps. Id
Thanks Id! I was the same as you. I am really glad my girl is not interested in the crazy preteen drama, etc but I really can’t relate to her! What I think is just a matter of fact comment about growing up gets a prickly response. I sometimes feel a bit disconnected from her, I guess.
She is a late bloomer. My 14 y/o son is too as were both my husband and I. I see this as a really good thing. I just hope that when she is ready she will talk to me 🙂
If Megan has a bestie, it might be worth checking in with her on her view of things too, she may have insight from a friend perspective that would clarify things. I seem to learn more about Emily from her friends than her (she’s built like her dad). Clare I can read like a book as all her feelings are way out there. Megan’s lucky you are so understanding and patient, I am sure she’ll seek you out in time.
It’s hard not the follow the rest of what peers are doing because it attracts attention. In the long run it makes us strong independent women but in the tween years, it can be tough and that’s when she’ll really need ya.
My 10 year old daughter is exactly the same. She is happily holding on to every single innocent little thought. She still writes letters to fairies, still fully believes in Santa and has no real interest in any pre-teen things. I worry about her too. However, I can also see that sometimes she is trying to figure out the older kid stuff, but really she would just rather play. I’m embracing this time…because I know the inevitable lies ahead of us…teen years!!!
My 10yo still believes in Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny, etc. I worry that she is the only kid in her class who still does! On the other hand, she’s my youngest so I’m ready for her to figure it out so I can stop the act. Staying up late to stuff stockings or swap teeth for toonies is getting really old. (Or maybe I’m the one getting old!)
My daughter was DEVASTATED when an older child told her about Santa and I had to be truthful. She mourned and wept like she had just lost her best friend. It was heartbreaking and she has never acknowledged it since.
Yes, the teen years…ahhh!
So interesting Jen. She’s one of a kind your girl. I have no advice but I’ll be curious to see how she changes…or doesn’t…over the next couple years.
She is a total puzzle to me! So private and absolutely nothing like I was. Her passion is sports and she doesn’t seem to even notice a lot of the typical pre-teen girl stuff let alone get involved herself. In so many ways I am grateful but I struggle to prepare her for anything when she is so unwilling. Yes, it should be interesting!