Last week it happened again. A mother, suffering from postpartum depression (in this case, likely psychosis), saw no way out but to take her own life and the life of her children.
And like these cases always do, it divides people into two camps. Those who are left in tears, nodding their heads and thinking, ‘god, if it got worse, that could have been me,’ and the other side, ‘PPD is a total lie. These hormonal mothers are using this as an excuse to kill their kids. Throw the book at them.’ By now, you know as a survivor of PPD, I fall into camp #1. How low did this mother have to feel to be able to see this as the only way out? It’s a tragedy on so many levels.
Sometimes out of tragedy, something good comes out of it though. And a group of Winnipeg mothers decided it was time to talk about it. Time to share their experiences, advice and support for other moms and loved ones of these moms, who are still under the cloud. Who still think that they will never feel better. Who think that they can’t possibly handle one more minute of this parenting thing. Who wish they could turn the clocks back a year and not have gotten pregnant.
Have a watch. Keep a tissue handy.
[youtube id=”nkLaJYVl7Yw”]
So much wisdom in eleven minutes.
My sign would say this: You will feel lower than you ever thought possible and then you’ll beat it. And when you do, you will know that you are stronger than you ever imagined you could be.
You will feel lower than you ever thought possible and then you’ll beat it. And when you do, you will know that you are stronger than you ever imagined you could be.
On Sunday, I spent an hour holding my friend’s new baby. As I looked at her fingers and toes and smelled that baby smell, I thought back about Will’s first few months. I remember almost none of that beautiful part. I remember sweating through layer after layer of clothes. I remember retching multiple times a day. I remember crying for hours at a time. I remember thinking I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. I remember wishing I could just not be here anymore.
I don’t remember the coos and the bliss of watching him sleep. But I DO remember the amazing, incredible group of people that helped me save myself. My family, Mitchell, my psychiatrist, Nadia my night nurse, Steve at the coffee shop, my incredible friends, my new mom friends. And those memories just about make up for the crappy and lost ones.
My heart hurts for Lisa Gibson’s family. What a horrible loss. We need to keep awareness high about postpartum. We need to keep talking about it. And talking about it some more. We need to keep talking about it so when it happens again, and it will, more people will understand what Lisa and her family were going through and be empathetic rather than judgmental.
i think the worst would be people just blowing it off. i’ve never heard of prepartum depression and i’m sure i’d be one of those people who would say, oh, it’s just hormones…until now. i hope these discussions really help new and to-be moms.
I had PREpartum depression with my twins (2nd pregnancy). I shudder even to remember it. Ugh. Didn’t really talk to anyone about it (except hubby) because when I even remotely tried, people were very quick to explain it away as regular old pregnancy hormones, stress of working/with toddler/pregnant with twins, etc. But you KNOW when it’s more than just the norm. I knew it was more than the norm, but didn’t know how to label it. After the girls’ birth, once I came out of the haze of the prepartum, I did some research, finally talked to my midwife about what I had been feeling, and realized what had been going on. You’re so right, Sara – we need to make sure we talk about these things!!
Laura – my friend also had prepartum depression… very scary.
We do need to talk about it!
I didn’t hear of this story until today… terribly sad. And I won’t bother to read the types of comments that follow these news stories, since they just strip away all hope I have for humanity. (I hate people.) That poor woman… and her poor family… le sigh. I’m with Irish – empathy for all, right now, RIGHT NOW!!
Reading some of the judgement statements afterwards is almost as horrific as what happened.
Empathy and compassion are what people need to show. What people need to feel.