And with that….our vacation is over. And I think something else is over as well. My history of solo vacations.
Yes. I said it. To me, it’s like a Dr. Phil moment. I’m waiting for him to come over and start yelling at me, ‘But what doooo you mean, Sara.’
best of both worlds?
I am someone that cherishes time alone. It was one thing that I really had to consider when I first thought about having Will. I’m very, very comfortable with my own company and frankly at times, even with the friends who I adore, they get that I need to turtle for a bit and be alone to ‘get back to myself’.
As far as travelling, I’ve done quite a few solo treks. I spent a month in New Zealand solo. I intended to travel through Greece alone but I met some amazing friends off the hop and chose to stay with them. After my mom passed away, I went on an Outward Bound mountain climbing trek. I didn’t know anyone and while you’re not alone climbing, at the top, you spend a 24-hour solo out in the woods. It was incredible.
Who wants a naked shower in the mountains?? Me please.
I took a naked shower in the pouring rain, ate my granola, climbed in my sleeping bag and slept for 18 hours. I drove to Maine to nurse a broken heart solo. A week on the beach and eating fried clams. Blissful. After I had Will, I had a second post-partum breakdown and my sister shipped me off to Cuba for five-days to get my crap together. I read, drank mojitos and people watched. Again heavenly.
This past week, I spent a week in the Eastern Townships of Quebec. I was at a cottage that has been in my family for years. No internet. No television. It was soooo quiet. All I heard were ducks, my laughter from this hilarious book I was reading and the drunk singing of french guys next door. It was so peaceful and lying on the dock in the sun was decadent. But something was different. Right from the start, it didn’t have that same ‘deep breath, god I needed this’ relief feeling to it.
I spent a lot of time thinking about it over the week. What was it? I think I figured it out. I just needed a little human touch. (Thanks Bruce Springsteen – side note Elvis Costello wrote that song??)
I know I can still appreciate quiet, but I know that I won’t need it in chunks like I used to.
What is this freaking kid doing to me?? After living solo for close to seven years before having Will, I got used to being alone. I’m talking about the day to day. The waking up and getting ready in silence. The nights at home when you’re left, happily, to your own devices. Now I live with this kid. Have you met him? He never stops talking and I mean NEVER. He hugs and kisses all the time. He’ll be in the middle of watching a movie and will pause it, run over, hug you and tell you that you’re the best mom he’s ever had. (I point out that I’m the only one). It’s full on. And while sometimes I can admit that I get claustrophobic, apparently, I’ve come to need it. The noise. The chatter. The hugs. The cuddles. The crazy.
And on further reflection, I think this is only going to be positive for every part of my life. I know I can still appreciate quiet, but I know that I won’t need it in chunks like I used to. I also think this is good for any potential relationships on the horizon. In old relationships, I put a high priority on my need to be by myself – even down to establishing one night a week where my ex had to not be home. (Wow – wonder why I’m single).
Yup. After all this rambling, it comes down to this. I’m Will’s mom. I’m Sara. And I’m changing. Maybe I need people more than I need to be by myself. Oh god. Quick. Someone hug me.
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