Heart to hearts with your kids can be really special moments. There is nothing like helping iron out a specific imbroglio in that 10 to 500 seconds where screens or younger brothers are not screeching in the background. I can tell it is appreciated – even through a haze of blushed expression – when my eldest and I capture and address a conundrum or question befuddling his 10-year old brain.
As mentioned in my previous post, I am not a perfect parent. I am not sure what I say resonates and I am pretty sure what I do is aped, and not in a good way, like my dinglenut dance for instance. I also admit to complete and utter ignorance when a particular issue or challenge pops up, usually on a daily basis. Sometimes shrugging and saying “I dunno” works, my boys shrug as well and if I wait half a second, a Lego piece or a new high score will distract them, leaving me to back away slowly in exaggerated sneaking away fashion.
But sometimes a pearl ekes out and I can tell by the half smile creeping across their faces that it is sluicing through their veins, hopefully sticking to their decision making cells. Mostly I am just flayling my mental arms, not knowing anything about anything. Including how to deal with this golden nugget uttered the other night in one of those quiet moments before bed.
“what’s a blowjob?”
Ironic spit-take aside, I was a bit flummoxed. Trying to contain my aghastnesesness (sue me), I told him it was something to do with sex and it was not something he has to worry about for a long time. I could also tell by his totally embarrassed look that he had an idea of what it was, but I shut it down before hand mimicry could commence.
Man I try to be transparent and honest with my kids, but some of this stuff baffles me.
How do you these very specific questions from your kids?
I never mind too much when they ask “what” something like that is, it’s when they ask “have you ever?” or “how many?” that I get really flummoxed! I tend to agree with Annabelle – if you feel that he really knows what it is, it’s probably not a bad idea to go back and just check in with him…when I sense that my kids know whereof they speak, I just ask, “what is your interpretation” or “what have you heard” or “what do you think”? Sometimes they hit the nail on the head but sometimes what they’ve heard from their “sources” is inaccurate and that’s when it’s really important to be the one filling in the gaps with the right info, from your preferred moral standpoint 😉
Actually I like what Annabelle has said come to think of it- (I have a terrible cold today and am not totally with it). Especially for a boy who maybe already knows everything – and she is right about those texts.
I was with a daughter who was a young 11 and I gave her way way way too much info that she interpreted a little too literally I think. It freaked her out I believe at the time.
Read your child and the context and open up the discussion and talk about self respect and respect of others.
Always bring chocolate or fix/build/ make something together is great advice during these discussions. Busy hands helps with the tough topic.
Hmmm, have to disagree here. He asked what it was and he is 10 so you should tell him because as you say, you think he already knows. Now because he didn’t get your answer he will continue to go and ask his other source of info — which is likely another boy his age who has older sibs. Also, I discovered that the 12 year old girls at a local school were offering these acts to other 12 year olds (not rumour–I read the texts), best if your son knows what it really is so he knows what he is saying no to (or yes—aaaack)
My message to my oldest at about 11 was that just because it is offered he doesn’t have to accept it. I think with something like this there is always a message that a guy should never say no to that– and I want him to feel he can. (Oh, and please note we had this talk while eating a massive piece of chocolate cake– whenever it was awkward we just kept having more until we were both full of chocolate giggles– always bring chocolate!)
Perfectly handled!
Give them an age apropriate response and see if they ask for more detail. They usually don’t. I learned this the hard way after a full on chalk talk response.