Real Mom Moments - UrbanMoms

You know, motherhood is both the most rewarding and most challenging job I’ve ever had (and I’ve worked in call centres, McDonald’s and a junior high school, so that’s saying a lot!) You see, ever since I was a little girl, I always knew that whatever else might come my way, I wanted to be a mother. And the role has more than lived up to my expectations – sometimes in wonderful ways, sometimes…not so much. I guess when I was planning it all, I never really looked past the image of myself with a baby – and motherhood is so much more than caring for a baby. It’s a job that changes and grows and is never the same two days in a row (except for those days when it seems like a drudgery of never-ending sameness, right?) It’s a job you can’t quit; a job you can’t even really take a vacation from. But the thing is, you wouldn’t really want to, would you?

Because at the end of the day being a mother isn’t the same as being a teacher or a doctor or a barista or a mechanic. Because at the end of the day, being a mother isn’t a job after all. It’s much, much more than a job. It’s an identity, an element of yourself that you can’t remove, any more than you could hope to pull a thread from a tightly woven tapestry: to do so would be to unravel the whole.

Being a mother is a part of who I am. It is both the best and, unfortunately, sometimes the worst of who I am. When I look at the faces of my sleeping children, I am overcome with love. Those two beautiful little girls…I made them! Their peaceful slumbering faces remind me of those tiny babies I held at my breast, and the rush of emotion is so strong it’s like a shudder: a wave of tenderness engulfs me and tears prick at my eyes.

And these moments – well, these moments more than make up for the times when I am at the end of my rope, on my last nerve and out of strategies. These moments remind me of the limitless promise and hope I felt when I looked into my babies’ eyes for the first time; promise and hope that still exists now that they are older, more independent and such cool kids, only the promise and hope are both exponentially larger and stronger.

And perhaps I pause to appreciate these moments more now because they are tinged with sorrow for the loss of my own mother; their grandmother. Because now, I can’t look at my daughters and feel that surge of love without thinking of my own mom: because this journey of motherhood is filled not only with lessons about my growing children as my daughters and about myself as their mother: this journey also teaches me daily about myself as a daughter, and therefore about my own mother.

My youngest made this picture nearly a year ago in school (by utter and yet freaky coincidence, I found it – for the first time – exactly a year to the date after she drew it):

She made it as part of a program called Roots of Empathy, and the task was to tell about a time when she was sad. It’s a picture of my parents’ former home, and on the bottom she wrote, “when Grandma dided”. When I found it, I cried. You see to me it meant so much more than knowing she was sad about Grandma’s death – to me it represented the depth and strength of her empathy. Even at the tender age of six, it was my little Madeleine who always looked to see if I was crying or sad whenever someone mentioned Grandma (or even cancer). When she and her big sister talk about Grandma, she’s always careful to see that it doesn’t upset me to bring it up.

I try to explain it to her: yes, I am sad that Grandma died. But talking about her and remembering her makes me happy. And I have a wonderful gift: I have two daughters of my own who help me relive – every single day – the powerful love between a mother and child, even though my own mother isn’t here to share it with me any more.

So, yeah. Is being a mom a tough job? You betcha. Are there days when you seriously wonder if you’re in any way qualified or even capable of doing the job? Sure. But at the end of the day, when you tuck in your little wonders, take a moment to remember the real mom moments: those moments when – no matter how young or old your child – the purity of the role comes rushing back. It’s enough to sweep the strongest of us off our feet, and remind us of the wonderful joys this job brings.

Whether it’s your child having an epic meltdown in the supermarket aisle,
making a blush-worthy comment in public, or instigating a dreaded call home
from the teacher, “mom moments” happen every day – and sometimes, all you
can do is laugh. Or, better yet, share these moments with other moms who can
relate. Beginning October 12, for six weeks, LIVING WELL, an online resource
to connect Canadians to the experts and topics they need to know to live
well every day, is inviting Canadian moms to share their own ‘Mom Moments’
for the chance to win a $5,000 cash grand-prize or one of six Johnson &
Johnson Inc. product prize-pack giveaways valued at $500 each! Visit each
week at www.LivingWell-MomMoments.ca as our LIVING WELL Mom Moment
Ambassadors will reveal the topic of the week. Enter online and encourage
your family and friends to vote!

Comments

Kath says

November 17, 2010 at 11:41 pm

Tracey, I totally know what you mean about quitting. And I do make time to take breaks from my “job” – I go away for the weekend or even longer some times (I once went away for 12 days on a Mediterranean cruise with my BFF!). But even if I’m not physically with my kids, I’m still being their mom. Whether it’s texting them from London or buying them souvenirs in Barcelona or just taking their phone calls in the car on the way home from work (the paying kind, that is!) they’re always present for me. As they are for all moms.
When you are a FT mom, you can lose yourself. Try to make some time for Tracey – even if it’s just a dinner date with a girlfriend…you’ll be a better mom for it in the end!
Nena says

November 17, 2010 at 11:07 am

What an awesome story, Kath! Thanks for sharing with all of us!
I have so many great memories of my kids growing up years. I think, for me, one thing I will never forget, is when my daughter was 4 and I had a girl’s night for some good friends and hosted a dinner party. One of my friends had a lot of facial hair. My daughter said in front of everyone “Hey Mom, I thought only men have mustaches and beards?” At the time, I wished that I could make myself invisible, but now, I look back at it and laugh. Out of the mouths of babes!
lorimillerpike says

November 16, 2010 at 1:54 pm

This is a really beautiful post. It really made me think about the circle of life. Our Mom’s probably all felt the same push/pull of motherhood and our daughters will too… however, when you can find beautiful moments as the ones you have described. It is all worthwhile.
Danielle Christopher says

November 16, 2010 at 10:07 am

This post is so beautiful and heart wrenching. As a fellow motherless mom I forget to enjoy the moments-one at a time. My girls never knew my mom as she died when I was ten. I keep her alive by talking about her to my daughters.
I agree-no 2 days are the same.
Thank you for sharing your Mom Moment.
Jen says

November 16, 2010 at 9:50 am

I absolutely adore this post, Kath. Beautifully written and so very true. Sometimes parenting is beyond tough and I desperately want to escape. Sometimes it brings out the very worst in me and I think I am so not qualified to be their mother. But then, amazingly, they love me anyway! And I love them. And the simplicity of it is such great comfort.
That picture of the girls is so pure. And little Maddy worrying about her mom. Being strong and protecting you. I have a little girl like that too 🙂
Tracey says

November 16, 2010 at 8:54 am

What a lovely post, Kath! Your kids are lucky to have you, and I’m sure your mum was super-proud of the woman and mother you’ve become.
If I was honest though, I’d have to say after being “on the job” for almost seven years without much of a break at all, I absolutely feel like quitting this job sometimes. (Not that I would, but most people get a change from the day-to-day at weekends… but not mothers.)
Being a mother does become a part of us in an unshakeable way though – that’s probably one of the best parts!