Make it right

I am consistently baffled by the never ending struggles of trying to raise a child to be a good person. Everyday a new, twisted piece of the puzzle is presented and I am left scratching my bulbous noggin and thinking what was he thinking, where did I go wrong and how can I quickly correct this. This of course is quickly followed by the stop being so dramatic you big oaf, this is what parenting is all about, fall back on the consistent messaging you always talk about  and stop taking everything so freaking seriously.

There. Confused yet? Let me explain. Last night I came home after my weekly game of pick up basketball and post basketball pints (I like to keep healthy exercise and liver abuse on an equal level) to hear about another lovely episode of grade four playground politics.

One of Hudson’s good friends at school is a girl. She is a fiery thing, with a round face, stringy hair, a bit tomboyish and very cute. They mostly just hang out occasionally at recess and lunch, dorking around and telling tall tales about who knows what.

Of course what happens when the other boys in his class see Hud spending anytime with a girl? It is suddenly announced, likely chanted, that Hud has a crush on said girl. Now Hud is starting to recognize that this friendship is not the same as hanging with his guy friends or his brother. Sure there is the same goofiness but even he would admit that hanging out with a girl at this age is just different. But, he is still so stumped about these mixed feelings and still so innocent when it comes to this stuff, sometimes his embarrassment quickly leads to defensive behavior.

And here comes the rub.

After being accused in the playground of having this crush, his defensive mechanism led him to tell one of the chanting, pointing boys that he does not have this crush –  heartbreak time – because this girl is fat.  And guess what the boy did. He ran around telling everyone what Hud said which made its way directly into this girl’s ears and to the pit of her tender heart.

This girl likely has the same mixed, confused feelings about Hud as he does about her. I can create all these scenarios in my head about how hurt she was or how angry she was when hearing about this. What I truly hope is that she storms up to Hud today, holds up his ACDC t-shirt, grabs his extra five stomach pounds and tells him to have another doughnut. But I know this did not happen. She is too sweet.

Steph told me all this last night so I woke up Hud this morning before heading to work to have a talk. I told him he has to make this right. He has to apologize to this girl and try to mend this friendship. Even if she tries to brush it off and tell him it’s not broken, he has to make the effort. I made him promise that he was going to do this today. I said even if all the other kids are making fun of him, he has to have the strength to turn this around and just make it better.

I also admitted that I still remember every time someone made of fun of me because I was fat. And I do. Because even though the mirror lets you know everyday that you may need to lose weight, the confirmation that other people see you that way can be really painful.

He stared at me for a long time when I told him this, so hopefully it sunk in.

We place such high expectations on our children about doing the right thing that the sense of disappointment is very heavy when something like this happens.

I hope he makes it right.