Over the past couple of weeks, there seems to be this barrage of articles about different types of families and which is better. Two parent? One parent? People!! There are STUDIES devoted to this. I kid you not. Educated researchers who could be spending their days… oh I don’t know, looking for a cause of autism, a cure for cancer…are spending their days examining how well children do or do not do if they’re raised by a single parent as opposed to two.
Here is the biggest problem I have with this ‘debate’.
There are many kinds of single parents. There are widows, divorcees or single parents by choice. There are people who aren’t single but generally parent as a single person – army wives and husbands for example.
Similarly, there are many kinds of married parents. True parenting partners, one parent taking the brunt of the duties or kids being raised by nannies.
I wish all this generalizing would end. I’m so sick of reading stuff like this. (although please click to see the picture of the ‘sad single mother’..it’s classic!) Articles about how my kid is screwed because he’s being raised without a father. How he’s likely to do shitty in school because I wasn’t lucky enough to find a partner to raise him with. I actually read an article a couple weeks ago that had me questioning my decision (not that I can return him) to have Will as a single woman. Am I going to raise an incomplete man because I am a woman? I lost some sleep over it and talked about it with some friends and then I filed it in the trash part of my brain. Where it belongs.
But it’s not just the single is worse angle – it’s coming from both sides. Slate has been publishing articles singing the praises of being an only parent. How we’ll raise kids with more grit. Or from a woman considering parenting solo and her slightly dreamy version of what it’s like. Even as a single mom, I can’t necessarily get on board with these articles either.
There are probably partial truths from all of these articles but to me, it just seems to be adding another category to the mommy wars.
Boob v. Formula
Co-sleep v. Crib
Stay at home v. Work out of home
Single v. Married
Jen v. Angelina
I’ve said it before and I’ll reiterate it. Who wouldn’t love the dream? Two involved, in love, strong, funny parents. Personally, I think this is the dream and far from the norm. There are so many different kinds of families, so many different kinds of parents. AND so little time. I wish that time would be spent on important issues and not debating circumstances that can’t necessarily be changed.
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I’m trying to be the best parent I can be because I’m all he’s got. And one okay parent is better than two crappy ones.
Agree or disagree here??
So Nancy made me cry and you made me snort coffee out of my nose….. SO AWESOME.
You guys rock – so much….thanks!!!
Well Will is more likely to be screwed by your warped sense of humor than a lack of a penis in your home in my humble opinion. My husband is the most amazing man I know and he was raised by a single, gay woman….gasp!
Generalization seems to be the comfy spot from which “researchers” spew their results. And by “researchers” I mean closed minded folks who have no clue what sample data parameters should be to actually apply to the culture we live in today.
That is all….
first of all there is nothing “okay” about you- you lead with your heart, love him with all you have got, your son is an absolute treasure, an ageless soul, a remarkable little guy and the two of you are just amazing. I have seen it in action and it is a thing of beauty. You are an amzing mom, Sara, and I am always impressed with how you do what you do. I love your style and honesty. You are raising him beautifully.You are not just enough but more than enough for him. He is lucky and you too. It is a great story with a beautiful beginning middle and end. Life is not perfect ever but it is beautiful and your family is a thing to be envied. xoxox I could go on forever on this topic!
Blah. This stuff just pisses me off. It’s as if you can sit in isolation somewhere and plan out this perfect childhood for your children, instead of just having them (planned or not) and doing your absolute best and loving them and accepting them and hoping things will somehow work out when adversity comes your way.
Don’t listen to it.
love the ‘loved to the extreme’ comment!!!
It might just be the small town that I live in, but there are a number of kids at my sons daycare who are not loved and cared for. Some have single parents, some have two. I when I see and hear about that, I don’t worry about my son not having a dad. He is loved to the extreme and that is all that really matters in my books!
snort…i love “ass-hats” i gotta use that one more!
when will the comparing ever stop??? i’m a “dual-parent” stay at home mom…you’re a “single-parent” working mom…we’re both damn cute, too….did they study that? the things that drive me nuts about “studies” is that you can get _anything_ out of them!!!
i can make one right here, right now…how many people who use hard drugs, started using marijuana first? i’ll take a stab at 80%…therefore, marijuana leads to hard drugs!
okay, now…how many of those same people were breastfed? i’ll say the same…80%…therefore i conclude that breastfeeding leads to harder drugs! you can’t make a conclusion going one way…it’s like saying all dogs are animals therefore all animals are dogs.
if people just looked inside themselves and realized they’re own potential and not what some “asshat” says they should be we’d all be much better off with raising our awesome kids and having a great sense of self worth.
We are all single parents, some of us just got married!!
Never forget: one great parent (i.e. YOU) is far better than two self-involved ass hats.
🙂
Ugh. I wish everyone would just stop with the “this way is better than that way” business. Whatever your family looks like, as long as you are doing the best you can to raise a decent citizen, that’s all anyone can ask. Everyone does it differently. No way is right or wrong (unless you know, you’re beating them daily but you’re not likely reading articles on parenting either…). So let’s stop telling each other what’s wrong and start telling each other what’s great about the way we parent.
What I think is crazy about this is the generalization. There are SO many other variables that go into making a good parent (single or otherwise) – socio economics, education, values, emotional state, support system, etc, etc, etc. And I think to lump in a single teen mom living on welfare with a single mom by choice with a good job, stable home and great support system is a joke.
You love Will. I love my kids. We are the perfect parents for our children.
Thanks for that input Nomi…I love it. It’s funny usually the articles don’t bug me. The one that got to me was written by a son raised by a single mom who said he always felt like he was missing something as a grown man…guess i needed to recognize that it will always be so individual!
In my job, I can tell you that 95% of the students I teach come from single parents raising them. Some raised by a dad, some by a mom, many by sisters and brothers even. And sadly, some handed around from foster home to foster home.
These are grown kids, all over 18. I love them all, but I will tell you that my favourite – and this is really without fail, The best hearted and most lovable and the ones that I know are good right down to the bone… are the ones that have been raised by ONE very loving and involved parent. And I say this to them all the time, if my kids turn out to be anything like you, I will be so proud.
So, I didn’t read the articles you alluded to here… but I think you should just stop reading the articles and trust your gut here. He will turn out more than fine, and you will be proud.