The Challenges of the Not So Girly-Girl

As I have mentioned before my daughter is not a girly-girl. When she plays with her pals she is usually the Bad Guy or The Superhero or, sometimes, The Boy. She will, on occasion, get out her Hannah Montana make-up and perform with a pal but usually this is not her top choice. She is sporty and loud and aggressive. Apparently, even in 2009, these are not acceptable characteristics for a girl.

I have a son so I know the whole “boys will be boys” mentality. They can wrestle and fight and compete without much notice and are often congratulated on their intensity and spirit. Not so for a girl. Everyone notices. A few admire her passion but most do not. They see her in contrast to the other little girls and she becomes different, out of place. Her behaviour looks extreme.

My daughter was play fighting with a boy on her baseball team recently and another mom, who obviously didn’t realize I was her mother, was commenting to her husband on how aggressive my girl was and how she “hogged the ball”. Now I am no pro ball player but isn’t the whole point of fielding to try and catch the ball and get the person out? OK, maybe my daughter does try to be first to the ball, and often she is, but there is a crowd of 5 or 6 boys right there with her. And the play fighting? Not 5 minutes later the same boy was doing the exact same thing with another boy and no one even noticed.

My girl is also competitive. Not in the way her friends are who compete for who is the prettiest, who gets to be the princess, or who is best friends. No, my girl competes in sports. She is passionate in soccer and hockey, never giving up or backing down. She wants to win and she wants to contribute. She is resilient, driven and intense.

I know that sometimes these things make her stick out and not always for the better. She is very stubborn and can be “prickly” when dealing with new people but, overall, I think her differences are what make her so amazing. She is strong and determined. Aren’t these characteristics going to serve her well in life? I admire her and I hope that as she grows she doesn’t catch wind of these comments and start to doubt herself.