The title of this post may be a bit deceiving. Sympathetic mommies across the virtual world might be nodding their heads thinking how tough it is for a busy mom to find time alone. This, of course, is totally true. However, I feel that the tides have turned a bit for me and I am not sure I like it.
A few years back I was DESPERATE for alone time. I needed half an hour to zone out in the tub with a good book. I craved a night out with friends and a spa day of pampering. I was overwhelmed by the constant demands from my children. They really, really needed me…all the time.
So, fast forward to present day. I get together with my pals often. My son is in school all day and even walks to and from on his own. My daughter is 1/2 day at school and always has a pal over. I get the soak in the tub and could book a spa day pretty much any time. "Me" time is no longer at a premium and, truth is, I kinda miss my kids.
I see my son growing up and spending more and more time with his pals. He is constantly at some sporting event or hanging our at someone’s house. I took him out for lunch the other day just to feel like we had some time together.
It seems like just the other day I was complaining about how overwhelming it all was and wishing they needed me less. Now here I am reflecting longingly on those times. Obviously, I know my kids still need me but not nearly the way they did before…and this is just the beginning. So, I guess I just don’t feel as much of a need to make time for myself. Instead I feel more of a need to relish every moment with them because I realize it’s just a matter of time.
You know this has been a issue that keeps coming up between my husband and I… He does not seem to understand why I feel this way… Whenever I get stressed out because we have not been doing anything lately, or life has just been extra hectic, he looks at me and says why don’t you get out for the day… DO WHATEVER!! just don’t come home… Or he will say just go upstairs and lock yourself in the bedroom…
I know it is a very sweet offer from my wonderful husband, but I don’t WANT to be away from my family all day or hiding from them upstairs… When things are getting tough and I am stressed out, I find I crave a DAY OUT with the family… A “lets go do something fun together” kinda thing…
Even though my kids are young (three of them under 3 yrs, and a 9 yr old) and they drive me bonkers sometimes with their constant demands, I miss them when they are away…They are just growing up so ridiculously fast, I don’t want to be away from them. When I am, I find myself thinking how much better it would be with them there…crazy huh?
I have a son who is 8 years old, and 2 daughters ages 4 and 21 months. I’ve always said I couldn’t wait until all of them are in school so I can have some quiet time, but I think about that for a bit and wonder what would I ever do with my time. LOL
Oh Jen, I am having enough trouble dealing with the fact that the Gaffer is starting school in September, let alone getting to an age where she can walk to and from on her own.
I can relate to what you are saying. I hadn’t actually put it into words (so thanks for doing that) but yes, I miss my kids. It did hit me recently that I only have 6 years left until my eldest graduates form high school. Since then, I have really made an effort to “be present” when they are here.
Although I love the freedom to be able to tell them to meet me at home if I think I will run late, I feel blessed that they would still rather have me there to pick them up from school.
It is a nice stage to have that “me” time and still have them want to be with me. It’s a perfect balance, until the next stage comes along.
Oh Jen, I’m exactly right now where you were a few years ago! My kiddos are at the ages where they are VERY needy (I don’t mean that in a bad way). If I don’t get at least an hour of quiet time a day I know I will lose my mind. It’s hard for me now to imagine that someday we will move out of this stage!