To my 5 year old daughter one’s age is a direct reflection of their status. Height helps but age is key. In her camp group she knew everyone’s age to the 1/2 or 3/4 year but could only identify one or two of the group by name. This weekend I had some insight into exactly why this is so important in her world.
We were lucky enough to be invited up for a few days to a friend’s cottage in advance of my son staying with them for the week. The group of kids consisted of my 9 year old son, his 9 year old pal, the pal’s 11 year old brother, a bunch of 10 – 12 year old girls from the cottage next door and my 5 (and a half) year old daughter. There were a few younger boys from the neighbouring cottage but they couldn’t come over on their own so this was the core group. It was great to see my son get in their with the group for water fights, trampoline jumping, and tubing. However, my 5 year old struggled to keep up. The kids were pretty patient with her but, the truth is, she is just too small to do most of what they are doing.
A few times she could be lured away with promises of special Mommy or Daddy time but, for the most part, she just wanted to be a part of the gang. As we got into day 2 I started to get frustrated with her crying and whining when she couldn’t keep up so, in true Mother of the Year form, I got upset. I didn’t yell but I did threaten that if it didn’t stop she would have to hang out with the grown-ups on the dock.
She looked at me with her big eyes, tears welling, and began to weep. Before she completely broke down she managed to squeak out "Please Mommy, I just want to be Big too." And then she fell apart. My heart sunk. It is so hard to always be the smallest. To always be the slowest. To be little. Her brother came over and gave her a hug and she and I decided it was time for the two of us to do some swimming…together. A little time for her to lead the way. For her to be the fastest. For her to be in charge.
I know that she pushes herself constantly to be Big but I guess I never thought how important it was to her to feel big or how obvious it was to her that she wasn’t. In many ways she is so lucky to have a big brother but in the last few days I have had some insight into the pressure she feels and her struggle to fit in.
How touching. And I can also relate to that feeling of just wanting to be a little taller, older, bigger etc. It always was the limit of what you ‘could’ do. What a sweatheart for always trying again.
awwwhhh! what a sweetheart. my heart would have melted too. i remember so desperately wanting to grow up, and now it’s the exact opposite – i long for my carefree childhood.
That is so sad. What’s worse is that this will likely be a continuing theme. My 5-year old girl has the same lament sometimes but the age difference is not so vast that she can’t usually be included. I decided not to put my two oldest in “Park Pals” this summer because the 5-year old was not allowed, darn it! And she’s been watching them go on cool school field trips and I just couldn’t bring myself to push her to be mature about it. Even us mature people feel the way our 5-year olds feel, at times albeit maybe about different things.
Poor bunny. It sort of breaks my heart when they want to be so much older than they are, but my Baby spends all of her time trying to keep up with the big kids. 🙁
Tom Hanks did it – send her to Coney Island to talk to the Genie Box 😉
Awww, I am crying here! Poor little one…she has such stamina and perseverance and drive, and yet none of those admirable skills can make her the one thing she wants to be: Big.
i always felt this way…chasing after my older sister and brother and their friends. great post, Jen!
Oh, I feel her pain. I have an older brother (4+ years older) and even though we are long grown I remember trying to keep up to him and his friends.