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Miss Representation.

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Friday night I was privileged enough to receive an invite to the UrbanMoms screening of the film Miss Representation at BlissdomCanada.  If you haven’t heard of this documentary or haven’t seen the trailer – check it out:

The movie was thought provoking, to say the least.  It made me think about how I parent my daughter.  And my sons.  It made me think of the role model I am as a woman, a mother and a wife.  I thought about my husband teaching our sons how to be men, fathers and husbands by way of modelling.

It got me thinking about the things that I’ve struggled with for years.  My confidence.  My self esteem. Not pretty enough. Not smart enough. I don’t want my daughter to face those struggles.  I want her to feel like she is enough. I want that for my boys too, but I feel like that line to walk is much thinner for girls.
I’ve often wondered how much emphasis is put on her appearance.  She is told on a daily basis how beautiful she is. How pretty she is. How gorgeous she is.
Are they trying to overcompensate for the obvious birthmark and scars covering her neck? 
While I fully agree with how beautiful, pretty and gorgeous she is – she is so much more. She is smart. She is hilarious. She is full of light and loves to dance and can sing any Taylor Swift song. She is also an amazing little artist. She is a good friend who is polite and kind.
But all she ever hears are compliments on what she looks like.
Maybe she’ll be happy with her appearance and not clip her lips with clothes pegs when she goes to bed trying to make her lips bigger. True story – I did that.  I also desperately wanted more than anything for my freckles to disappear.  I loathed them (now I love my freckles and happened to marry a guy who thinks they’re sexy).

The one thing I’m confident about is modelling a good marriage.  We are a team when it comes to parenting. We talk to each other. Really talk. We encourage each other and build each other up. We compliment each other. We are kind to each other. We argue and then work things out. We hold hands when we’re driving – I hope they see that from the back seat.  We hug each other a lot. We kiss each other. And we laugh.

I can only hope that the foundation we are building our family on will make them good people. Respectful of themselves. Respectful toward each other and other people. I hope that we are raising strong, confident, smart, respectful, empathetic human beings.

“You can’t be what you can’t see”  is a quote from Marie Wilson and it is the tag line for the documentary.  I want my children to see a confident, capable woman.  Mother.  Wife.  I want them to see a kind, caring, emotional man.  Father. Husband.

The other quote from the film that struck a chord with me?
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any”   (Alice Walker) 

That quote along with spending time with smart, strong and powerful women Friday night has left quite an impression and has made me realize: I am better than I think I am.

Comments

  1. Chantel says

    Christine great post! As a competitive gymnast I was constantly told how I had to lose weight, wasn’t good enough, blah blah. It haunted me for years and at times still does. I too worry about my children – especially my oldest daughter due to the issues she has already had regarding the fact that she IS smart – she is beautiful as well in so many ways but she is damned smart! I have been attempting to teach her (and my other children) to see people for who they are on the inside. It is so hard but I know we can do it.
    Now as for you my lady – YOU ROCK! I had a great time meeting you and you have many talents! Embrace them and don’t be afraid to let them shine:)

  2. Ann Wrobel says

    Christine,
    Your articles continue to amaze me! I love reading them and am soooo proud to call you my “Niece” Keep up the good work and our love to the 5 of you xo

  3. Sara says

    We were talking about this Christine – I think (I hope) that people comment on our kids beauty now because it’s a quick compliment – they’d have to spend some time with them to know how smart and hilarious they are.
    What do you think is the cause of your insecurities (because I WILL beat them out of you if I need to…:)). Seriously though – I’m thinkign about it – trying to see where mine stemmed from. What do you think (because you are amazing – but we can all say that till we’re blue in the face…you have to believe it).
    Oh and you and Sean are my inspiration for what I want in a partner by the way….

  4. Erin Little says

    Nancy, I was always told I was big. And loud. I never felt good about my body after grade 4. It’s not just what people say, it’s also what we see in the media.
    Christine, I didn’t get to go to Miss Representation but I get it.
    Yes we can talk to our kids, and yes, it will mitigate the effects of the media but what we really need to do is change the media. Stop the ridiculousness of it all.
    I’m not sure how. Obviously our wallets do the talking but I’m not sure that would be enough. Maybe some sort of regulation is in order.
    Last year I showed the Dove ads and the Axe ads to my grade 7s & 8s. The grade 7 girls were really pissed about how the women in Axe ads were represented. Some of the grade 8 girls were pissed, but there were quite a few who want to be those women in the ads. And I saw them act dumb to attract the boys. Sad.

  5. Nancy says

    oh yeah and you are better than you think you are.
    You are amazing.
    Catch up soon to what we see and know!

  6. Nancy says

    my second was told she was big BIG BIG from day one
    why aren’t you in school? Umm she is but half days- Kindergarten
    WHAT? She is huge!!!!
    I would say “yes isn’t she strong and beautifu?”
    365 days of this for two years
    I get everything you are saying- all of her goodness will bubble up. Unfortunately society sees what it sees and well…. she is so beautiful
    I love the clothes peg story- I tried to get dimples in my cheeks by pushing my fingers in.
    her confidence will come from you and sean and herself! Inspite of her beauty

  7. kimmy says

    Oh christine!!!!! I love this article. I have two girls. i struggle with it all. Will they be pretty? Yes I think that. Will they be thin? Yes I think that too. Our society is brutal on both men and women but you’re right a different line for women. I tell my girls they are smart too. Have from the beginning. also how strong they are. Why muscles are good. Why height is good. 😉 Why being “different” is not a bad thing.
    I want to empower my girls. Life is not fair and sometimes despite our efforts and wants, things do not always work out in our favour. It’s a hard lesson and it sucks but they know how to dust themselves off and keep going. No matter what I’ll be there.

  8. Alice says

    Ah! I wish I had been there! I was going to be there, to see what sounds like an amazing movie and meet up with the rest of the fantastic UrbanMoms crew. (I’ll spare you the details on the ill health – you’re welcome.) I’m glad it was inspiring – and thank you for sharing some of it, because I feel like I’ve picked up a little bit of the inspiration right here.