The hardest thing is leaving her.
When she was only a baby and then a toddler, I left her every day so I could go to work. She would cry. So sad, so scared, so lost. I would sit patiently with her in the daycare, waiting until she seemed a little more comfortable, until maybe she turned her back to pick up a toy, and then I would scurry away, hoping not to hear the despairing cry: “MOMMY!” when she realized I had left her there again. I’d run out the door and I’d sit beside my husband in the car and I’d cry most of the way to work.
Eventually, things changed in our lives (in the form of a little sister) and I was able to be there with her during her days – dropping her off at preschool, Kindergarten, elementary school. Picking her up after school and walking home together. Hugging her to sleep at night, kissing her awake in the mornings. Helping her cope with overwhelming emotions and just the darn hard job of growing up.
This evening I had that daycare feeling all over again. Because I left her again, when she really just wanted me to stay. I tried to lull her off to sleep, to snuggle and cuddle and comfort her enough to pass her the message through our clasped hands: two weeks is a short time, and Mommy is definitely, absolutely coming back. But she still cried, she still begged me not to go, she still implored me to let her come with me.
But I need to go. I want to go. You see, I’m going to be with my Mommy. To see her and spend time with her and go to doctor’s appointments with her, and just to be with her. It’s something I really, really want and need to do.
I just wish it were easier for my little girl to handle her intense emotions. I wish she could learn to cope with disappointment. I wish she could learn to manage the transitions and change that are part of life more easily. I wish she could spend more of her days happy, and fewer of them being thrown and frightened by her own overwhelming reactions to her world. I wish she could spend more time hoping for the best and less time expecting the worst.
I suppose it’s possible that if we hadn’t nurtured such a strong attachment when she was a baby she’d be more confident with my absence now. Maybe if we’d let her cry more she’d be stoic and calm about me leaving; maybe, but somehow I don’t think so. Mostly I think this because the same parenting techniques have led to an optimistic, happy-go-lucky and adaptable little girl in her younger sister. No, it’s just who she is and how she reacts…but it’s exhausting. And it’s heartbreaking. And on some days, it’s even frightening.
But today? Today it was just hard.
Yes, but you did the right thing. I remember my Mom explaining to my son how I was her little girl. It is lovely to be with our Moms.
Ugh. Sorry, sounds difficult. 🙁
I’m going thru the same thing with my daughter she has no problem leaving me. But I can’t leave her and go out on my own because she fears that I’m not coming back so I have to bring her with me everywhere or she has a total meltdown screaming and pulling at my legs no don’t go. So this has been going on now for over a year and I wonder if she will ever get over this. I go do Mom things like yoga during the day but my husband and I don’t go out on our own often enough because of this situation. Any tips or advice you can give me. She’s a few months shy of turning 5yrs old. Good luck with your daughter and one day when she’s older she’ll hopefully understand you had to go be with your sick mother and to take of her. Which I’m sure we all want our kids too do that for us when we get older. All the best for your MOM and Happy Mothers Day!!!
Mary
This made me cry…don’t know if it’s PMS or remembering when I was about 18 & my mom left us for the summer to go to Greece to be with her sick, dying father. A grandfather I hardly knew & I was so sad to lose her for the summer I reacted by being so mean to her all day. She knew I was upset & just let me vent it out though. Moms are the best. Even when they don’t know if they’re doing the right thing, they usually are. And that’s why we love them so much!
I lost my mom two years ago yesterday to cancer. GO be with your mom. Your daughter WILL survive and be the stronger for it and when she gets a bit older your example of taking care of your own mom will be a guide for her. My son was very clingy too growing up but he’s no worse for me having to leave him bits at a time. God speed to you and your mom is my prayers. *hugs*
It is, as you said, what makes her who she is, with all of her wonder, passion & excitement for life. She will learn skills to cope with these feelings as she gets older, but know that you are doing (& have done) what is right for HER. Every child is different.
Go be with your Mom & cherish every moment of it. Hugs to you all.
Poor, poor girl. And poor mom. It’s hard.
Okay, I am crying. How tough for both of you. I guess in order to make it easier it would mean should would have to feel things less and yet that is what makes her so special.