Well, my boy started the second grade the other day – he seemed easy about returning to the same school for his third year. I wanted his first morning to be uncomplicated and cheerful, so I prepared a toasted waffle for his breakfast, and Chinese dumplings for lunch – some of his favourites. I didn’t ask him if he was nervous as we walked to school… I thought it better for him to tell me if anything was up, rather than planting a case of The Nerves on him, when perhaps it hadn’t even occurred to him to be upset in any way.
It was a “don’t fix it if it ain’t broken” kind of idea. It mostly worked.
While walking he said, “I’m just a bit worried that I don’t speak enough French.” I told him not to be, and that he was still learning… that’s what school is for.
He said, “Well, what if my teacher is mean?” I told him that teachers aren’t mean – they’re teachers because they like kids. Even as I said the words aloud, there was a part of me that felt that wasn’t a completely true statement, but then reasoned in my head that most teachers – certainly ones in primary school – do like kids, and are usually pretty kind.
Oh. Was I ever wrong on Monday.
When I picked up my kid at 3 PM, he had a look on his face that said “trouble.” My heart sank, and I hugged him. He hugged me back on the playground and wouldn’t let go for a long, long time. I whispered, “Are you okay?” He said, “Yes. But I hate my teacher.”
Hate, he said. We’ve taught him not to thrown that word around. This was not good news.
I said, “You hate her? How can you hate someone you just met?” But it can happen. It’s happened to me before, though I’ve had the grown-up rationale to work it out in my own heart and mind, and at least wait several weeks before deciding I truly hate someone.
(I’m being facetious. I don’t hate anyone. Much.)
My little boy looked into my eyes and said, “I cried twice today and yes, because I missed you, and yeah that’s normal, but my stomach hurt all day because she screams all the time, and she makes me scared. I don’t like her at all.”
Awwww… balls. (But, at least he felt normal about missing his mum on the first day back.)
“Oliver, listen. It’s a big job to get a big classroom full of kids to settle down and focus, especially after a whole summer of being on break, you know? Maybe she was just trying to get everyone’s attention.”
He looked at me and shook his head from side to side without blinking. “No. She’s mean. And she just screams all the time.”
“It’s possible that she doesn’t hear very well…”
“I don’t think so,” he answered, flatly.
The truth is, from morning when all the kids were lead away with their new teachers for the year, I overheard some parents say she was… tough. That I can take. A mean, screeching Howler monkey is something entirely different. What to do?
So, naturally I tweeted about it (Twitter is where I do all my heavy thinking you know) and thanks to some of my seriously awesome Twitter-peeps’ support and good advice, I had another pearl for my kid: that though it may make the environment unpleasant, she may be yelling, but she’s not yelling at YOU, so just be cool.
Of course, that went with the parts about us not always liking every person we meet in life, and that we need to try to get along with people as best we can, blah, blah, blahbitty-blah… and most importantly, that I, his mother, will never, ever let anyone abuse him. (Hence, yesterday’s badass drop-off outfit.)
Anyway. I will watch my boy and take my cues from him. Tuesday was a better day, and today was even better! He hasn’t cried since the first day, and his reasonably empty lunch box tells me he’s not depressed. He has friends in his class from last year, and is already making new ones. He met me today with a hug and a smile. Hallelujah!
It was a bit of a rough start, but everything’s gonna be alright. I hope think.
Have your kids started back yet? Got anxieties?
You are so right, Hayley – thanks for chiming in.
Your girl’s teacher sounds like a pill… I’m so happy things shaped up in the end! I’m less involved with school due to the language issue, but I did introduce myself on the first day, and I will be back (with my Francophone husband) for the meet-the-teacher thing in a week or two. I’ll have my gun in my bag. (Just kidding.) 😉
Ack. I know.
It’s good to share these snafus, no?
I had 2 very unpleasant teachers growing up. One in grade 5 and one in grade 7. The kind of teachers that felt bigger by making their students feel smaller. I will not let that happen to my children. I always let my children and the teacher know that I am the boss! I take my children to school of the first day and introduce myself to the teacher as “a very involved mother”. I let the teachers know that I am very interested in my child’s day and will be checking in quite often. I also tell my children that while they do need to listen and respect their teacher during the day, if something happens that has made them feel bad, they should speak to me about it. One year after multiple conversations with the teacher, an occasional accident and a bladder infection, I had to tell my 7 year old that she no longer needed to ask to use the washroom but to rather tell the teacher she was going to go to the washroom! I gave her a note every day for 2 weeks to give the teacher if she was told no when she got up to leave. Finally the teacher, (with the principal’s assistance) clued into the error of her ways.
A gentle reminder to Oliver’s teacher that you are involved may make things easier for Oliver. You would be surprised at the different attitude given toward the children who have parents that are vocal as opposed to the ones who don’t come forward.
Bottom-line as parents it is our job to protect our children and advocate for our children. If we don’t do it, no one will!
Just. Be. Cool. My heart fluttered when I read that in the context of the tweet advice.
It is just the right advice I need to use with my 8 year old.
It’s hard to keep our visceral reactions in check with meanie teacher potential threat isn’t it?
That paired with some gems from Mr. Rogers, “look for the helpers” and the like, it’ll be all right.
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I don’t know why they don’t go back to school after Labour Day, as god intended… but I’m thrilled for you that you kids are all so stoked about going back. Really, I just want my kids to LIKE going to school, you know? Yelling teachers suck.
And if anyone reserves the right to be a screeching Howler monkey, it’s ME!!
Seriously, right? Thanks for having our backs, lady!! Grrrrrr…
Thinking of you today, lady… I hope your first day goes well! (For all of you…) xox
Love his kicks!
We have no anxieties around teachers. We don’t start til next Tuesday. Our school is so small that all the kids know all the teachers and vice versa. Plus we get the added bonus of going in the week before school for Cuyler to see his new teacher/desk/cubby before the first day.
Cam is excited to be in grade 5. Head of the school.. King of the hill…
And Eva…well she’s been ready to go to school since she was 2. She’s been a fixture there with me since she was born.
If she yells at him one more time…I’m gonna kick her butt….
Got anxieties? Hell to the yes! My son just realized I can’t actually go to playschool with him, and my daughter is thrilled one minute and terrified the next about her start on Friday. My husband booked the day off to help them out and/or blot my tears. It will be good.
Your Oliver seems like such a sweet little man. Don’t worry about a thing, ’cause every little thing- (okay, I have to go find that song, now).