I started writing this blog post in my head yesterday, (where I write most of them and then slap it down here as fast as I can before I forget), before the bombing at the Boston Marathon. Then I didn’t feel like writing it because … well my brain was busy with other things. Also, I knew there would be more blog posts today about the topic I was struggling with BECAUSE of the bombing.
I’m a good mother. I’m not a great mother. I’m not a particularly chilled out mother, although I do think I give off that vibe. I’m a yeller. I’ve admitted to that in the past. My patience level, particularly in the morning, is about a negative ten. I’m extremely guilty of forgetting that my child is four and not fourteen (although given his language, I should be given a bit of a break on this). I’m not perfect but I think I’m pretty good at this job. And make no mistake, I love being a mom more than anything. But it’s a job.
A pretty common theme with mom bloggers is letting go. Not sweating the small stuff. Enjoying every minute. Not yelling. Being calm. I love these posts, I do. I read them and I get inspired. I get inspired for about two minutes until I realize as fantastic as that advice is and how I wish I could be that person, that’s not me. After an event like yesterday, absolutely I am that mother for a night or two. We stayed up late last night and watched Scooby Doo and ate dill pickles. We read books in bed this morning, instead of rushing for the shower.
But I know me. This won’t last because it’s not in my nature. And I’m going to hazard a guess that it’s not in most of your natures either because letting go and not giving a crap what your kids eat for dinner or where they leave they crayons falls into the ‘easier said than done’ category. Things to emulate but not often achieved.
I’m TOTALLY not judging the parents who can do this. Seriously, you will live longer than me and likely have a WAY smaller booze bill at the end of the month. I understand the motivation to live like this because I realize life is short. I do. But just because I can’t let go, doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying my motherhood or giving my kid an awesome childhood. It doesn’t mean that I don’t think about the little boy who died yesterday, or the funeral for a little boy that my friend went to yesterday or about my friends who have lost very tiny babies. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t understand how fortunate I am. How beyond fortunate I am to have Will. He is healthy, smart, hysterical and without question the greatest person in my life.
And he’s being raised by a mother who just can’t let go most of the time. Who yells at him sometimes. And cries about it sometimes. Who essentially freaks out every morning. But you know what? He’s fine. We’re fine. And a random treat night with pickles and cartoons will be our way of letting go. It just sure as hell won’t happen every night.
You? Are you the ‘don’t sweat it parent’? Do you aspire to it?
I love this teachable moment idea. If I ever really lose it we sit down and talk about it – and generally I’ll say ‘i’m sorry for yelling but this is why’ and he’ll generally apologize. Then we hug it out…till the next time!
I think you live in my house…you described my life to a T, emotions, reactions and all! I have the benefit of another parent in the house – kudos to you for keeping it together as a single mom. There are days I think, “I would happily be single and childless.” And then the boys give me kisses and tell me they love me and I melt into a puddle of mush. My philosophy is, “Whatever works for you and your family.” Sweat, don’t sweat – it depends on the day, patience level, etc. I often use my reactions as a teachable moment – Boys, here’s how to not handle a situation. I know they’ll continue to grow into fine young men and your son will to.
Ah, Sarah. I so hear you. I try really hard NOT to sweat the small stuff, and sometimes I can because sometimes, with one of my kids, there’s a lot of very BIG stuff to sweat over so I can see how small the small stuff really is.
But most days? I yell at them for not picking up after themselves. I get sarcastic. I let them stay up late. I let them eat chips for breakfast on weekends. I rush them to get to school because I slept in.
But when all is said and done I love those little suckers more than life itself and they know it. And that’s what really matters in the end.
Okay I sweat SOME stuff but that is only because there are 8 of them and I am completely out numbered! Yelling? Of course I do – often – its the only way any child will hear me in this crazy house! Just as every child is different so is every mom and dad – what works for some doesn’t work for others. I have never been a cuddly type of mom and have to force myself to do those “bonding activities” but like you I have my
strengths and weaknesses and yes I am a good mom and so are you;) never forget that. Truth be told I think many of those parents who say they let so much go and blah blah are not as happy as they want everyone to think. There is usually more behind the closed door than we know or think.
Wait a minute! Do you think just because we write about the beauty of motherhood and living in the moment that any of us are always good? I have a huge Macdonald clan temper and I am a bit proud of it actually. I sweat the small stuff but I am great with the big stuff. I wrestled my youngest to the floor every day for two years just to get her out the door when she was little- and Sara I was in my mid thirties.
I yell, I am feisty, I am emotional and wildly passionate about stuff I believe in, I get lost going anywhere new and then blame my kids for not reading the signs properly, I still force my teenagers to eat everything (green)on their plates, I am controlling and stubborn.
I do everything, like you, and it is very difficult at times and sometimes I want to lay down and cry or have a tantrum. Sometimes I do.
Do you not see that we are all BEAUTIFUL in this imperfection? We love our way and that is the right way.
Will is wildly lucky and I don’t say that to many. I take dills and scooby over Leave it to Beaver any day
when you’re in your own world sometimes the small stuff can pile up and get so very big. i hate that it takes something like this to give my head a shake and realize that some mother will never have the chance to yell at her kid again, or listen to them fight, or cry about “broken cheese”. they would give anything to hear the worst temper tantrum ever, on repeat for months, and i’m fussing about an undone shoelace.
we’re all good parents! the yellers and the naggers, the lovers and the hippies. if there is love in your parenting style then you’re golden 🙂
I don’t sweat the small stuff. Truthfully? I don’t know how. Details are not my thing in any aspect so obsessing over them in parenting was not something I had to deal with. Sometimes I think I am too laid back (mostly when other people tell me my kids are going to be all screwed up because I don’t worry enough). But then I get over it. I guess it is just not in my nature.
However, I find the news from yesterday, the boy killed so senselessly, weighs on me so heavily. I just go around and around and around because there is simply no way to protect our children from crazy stuff like this.
Oh dude. Sweating the small stuff is my favourite thing to do in the world. After yelling, I mean. No one is perfect, and people do all the things that work best for their families… it’s just the way it goes.
I read stories about co-sleeping and sometimes think, “maybe I should have…” but the reality is I would have mostly hated it, which is why I never did it. I see people take their kids to the library and then go get ice cream and stuff, and I think, “Oy… I’m failing…” but then I look at my kids, and remember they’re fine, and I’m fine, and we’re all fine. We’re all just different… and different is good.
Scream on, screamer… xox