Ava Scarlett is still trying to remember how the relations in our family work, and what who is to whom. Her older brother, Oliver, is not helping one iota.
Case in point: a discussion from just this morning.
She: So, daddy is my husband…
Me: No, you are daddy’s daughter. He is your daddy.
She: And Oliver is daddy’s daughter too.
Me: No, he’s daddy’s son. Because he’s a boy. Oliver is daddy’s son.
She: Yes, his son. But not like the sun that shines all over my face. Not that. *nodding* And Oliver is my brudder.
He: No, I’m your mother.
Me: Oliver, stop it. Don’t confuse her… she’s trying to get all of this straight.
She: Oliver is not my mother! He’s my brudder!! YOU are my mother. And daddy is your wife.
Me: Close! I’m daddy’s wife… he is my husband.
She: No, he’s my husband.
Me: No, actually he’s just my husband…
She: No, he’s MY husband!
He: Actually, he’s both your husband. *snickers*
Me: Oliver, STOP it! *frowning* Gah… you’re confusing her on purpose. It isn’t nice.
She: Yes mummy, we can share him and he can be bowf our husband. *waits* Husbands. *thinks* Husband-es.
(Plurals are tricky sometimes, yo.)
Me: Ava Scarlett, daddy is not your husband. He is your father.
She: *hopeful* And you can be Oliver’s husband too!
Me: *exasperated already* Holy crap…
She: *gasps* We don’t say crap, mummy!
She is frowning and looks completely offended. He is busy giggling his ass off, and dodging me, as I lunge at him.
Me: Oliver, STOP IT! Stop laughing. Now! You guys are killing me… *composed* Yes, we’re not supposed to say crap. Sorry. I shouldn’t say that.
She: That’s okay, mummy. You will remember next time. *rests head on my arm*
Me: Yes.
She: Daddy is Oliver’s son?
Me: No. Oliver is daddy’s son.
She: I am daddy’s daughter?
Me: YES!!
He: And I am mummy’s wife! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!
(He has the most infectious laugh, it’s nuts… but, I’m not game.)
Me: Oliver, I swear… *lunges and misses*
She: It’s okay, mummy. Anyway, we’re a fam-o-lee.
Me: Yes.
She: You’re nice.
Me: You’re nice, too.
She: *with wide eyes* Oliver is naughty. He better watch out or he won’t get any gum!
Me: Gum? What gum?!
She: *looks at me like I’m a plain idiot* The gum. You know, the fam-o-lee gum. For sharing!
Me: *stumped* WHAT GUM?!!
She: The spicy minty one in your purse, where I get it from the last time. *waits* Last times. *waits* All those other times…
Me: Holy crap, you guys.
Thieves!! No wonder I never have any gum left. Le sigh. At least she might stop calling Martin her husband now.
Or, maybe not.
I dunno, lady… you make pretty cute kid(s) and I’m thinking you should go for it. Just for the laughs, at least. I mean, doesn’t my life just seem so freaking SPLENDID to you? Gah, they’re killing me.
PS – got any gum? I know how much you love gum… 😉
Please come and save me. Please. I’ll make you a quiche…
Thanks, my lovely… you know firsthand how crazy this life is. Wowza. 😉
So glad to make you laugh, Rola!! We need to do that in person again soon. (It’s been AGES!!!) xox
Not quite. But almost. (Heh.)
Lady, I am counting the days…
It’s like talking to a crazy-person…
Me too. Sometimes.
holy crap….that is beyond….almost makes me have another one….just to hear the convos….I did say almost right….
I am cracking up reading, and cracking up re-reading! The newly weds look great too, Bill says.
Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perfect!!!!!!!!!
LUV this post.
xoxoxo
Absolutely hilarious! You had me rolling on the floor; rather Oliver had me rolling!
that pic! almost makes you forget the craziness, non?
Ohmygod, that’s hilarious! Only one month to go until school starts 😉
These Ava Scarlett conversations never fail to crack me up. I’m sure you find them most exasperating, but they are hilarious when retold.
love,love ,love….