Okay, I’ll admit it. I have a strong opinion about families with too many children. But before you get your knickers in a knot, let me clarify: for some families, one or two is too many, for others five is just fine. So calm down already.
I happen to know a family whose number of offspring (large by today’s standards but the Duggars don’t have to worry about competition) exceeds their ability to manage them. And by manage them I don’t mean they can’t feed or house them all, or that they can’t drive them all to soccer or swimming lessons. They can. But it’s just this: one or two or even three of their children are almost always at my house.
Yes, some of our children are around the same ages. Yes, they are friends. Yes, I like my children to be able to have their friends to my house. But it’s just – every day? And three extra kids? Sometimes it’s just too much. And then there are the times when they come over and join my kids in our back yard (we have a trampoline: if you don’t want to host a hoard of neighbourhood children, DON’T get a trampoline). Which is fine, except sometimes my kids have other playdates arranged. Yesterday was one of those days. My nine year-old daughter had a friend from school over. My six year-old daughter had a friend from school over. We are already at 4 kids now, just 20 minutes before lunch. Then — somehow — the three other ones were over. And I made lunch for seven (count ’em: SEVEN) kids.
I like children. And most of the time, I like these children. But at 8:00 p.m. I realized that I had had at least four children in my home (or backyard) for twelve hours. Everyone has limits, and that was mine. It was like a switch went off – the kids all started bickering at once, and I lost it…I actually said this:
“If I’d wanted to have five children, I would have had five children. But I didn’t. I had two children. The rest of you need to go home now.” I know: nice, eh? But on the other hand, really? Some combination of your kids has been at my house for TWELVE HOURS (and two meals) and you think that’s okay?
It’s hard, though. I want to have the kind of home where my children and their friends feel welcome. I enjoy hearing children’s laughter in my backyard and yes: I knew the tramp would be a kid magnet. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s all good: within limits. One or two extra kids is fine, for 2 or 3 hours. But 3, 4 or 5 extra kids? For 12 hours? That’s a no-go, and I don’t think I’m outta line by saying it.
As a good friend of mine once said to me, “no is an answer too”. Yes it is, and it’s one I’ll be using a lot more in future!
Fortunately, I do not have a trampoline. You do realize if a neighbor kid breaks his arm on your trampoline that you could get sued right? I guess this article seemed a little annoying to me. YOU ARE THE PARENT!!! Why would you feed and allow these children in your home for 12 hours? YOU SEND THEM HOME!!! Parents aren’t always aware that their children are at someone’s house. They may assume that the kids are riding bikes or playing at a nearby park. You can’t blame other parents for your actions. You are the one allowing them to be there. When my kids’ friends get on my nerves, I send them home. I usually don’t provide meals either. You have to be the one in charge, not them, not their parents—you!
I always feel bad about my kid being at someone’s house. I don’t ever want to impose. I always invite my neighbour’s kid over here instead.
Wow, Kath how did you manage? My daughter is forever bringing home friends for lunch. I don’t mind if it happens periodically, but every day is a bit much! Especially when my older daughter is begging me to say no. Just the other day she was in tears when I was cornered into taking another child for lunch.
good for you for standing up for yourself. sounds like that family is taking advantage of your warm spirit and hospitality. i too find it hard to say no, but this inspires me to try harder!
LMAO… oh boy. You and my mother would have LOVED each other.
Honestly I snort laughed when I read that.
Okay, composing myself so I can give some prctical advice.
Next time, do NOT repeat NOT make lunch for anyone but the invited kids. When lunchtime arrives call your group over for lunch. Nicely tell the other kids how lovely it has been to have them all over but “I’m serving lunch now and I had not planned enough food to feed you all as well. I’m sure your Mom has something nice planned for you! Have a nice day maybe we’ll see you all again tomorrow.”
Note do not let them bounce while you eat… eat inside if you must and announce that the trampoline will be off limits until it is properly supervised.
That might work…
Now here is the hard part. DO NOT feel guilty. You hosted for a short while and the other Mom should be more than delighted with that.
Good luck!
Amen! Great response! Wish I’d said it.
My personal parenting gripe has to do with sleepovers. When kids are at my house i FEED them. I don’t just nuke a couple of icky hot dogs and dump last week’s bag of pretzels on the table. Two friends my daughter goes to often [and yes, I have those girls at our house as often to be fair] she comes home exhausted and sick–why? NO FOOD. 7 teenage girls cannot share one 99 cent frozen pizza or 7 hotdogs. If you can’t afford to feed your own kid, don’t invite others. In fact, if you are really struggling, can I send some treats–or a dinner? My daughter ends up with a massive headach, dry heaves and has to spend the next day in bed. She loves the fun she has but last time she squirreled away some food wrapped in extra undies to scarf down in the middle of the night!
Holy crap Kath. That’s a ton – especially on a trampoline – so much supervision. Do the parents read your blog? I hope so! Or else you need to lay down some ground rules – that’s brutal. I’m mad…:)
I think if your kids were over there even half as much it wouldn’t be so irritating. Or, if you had them for 1/2 the day and then they were over there for the other 1/2 at least you would get a break. But to care for and feed all of those children ALL day is ridiculous. That mom must know she is taking advantage of you big time.
“no is an answer too”….i like that. and it’s not said enough! i don’t think you’ve gotten out of line at all. as a parent, i could never imagine just sending (or letting my kid wander) my kid over to a friend’s house indefinitely without okaying it with them first.
my opinion is that those parents are out of line. good on you for having boundaries!