Let the Judging Begin

So the #RoyalBaby is three days old and the twitterverse and interwebs are (if possible) even more crazy than they were during the #GreatKateWait. And while we only have a few real facts about this new little bundle of joy, thanks to the alarming number of self-appointed parenting pundits out there, his parents are already subject to the most intense parent judging since the invention of haters and the mommy wars. Let’s review:

FACT: the baby was born on July 22, 2013.

Which makes him overdue. Maybe. By nine days. We think. But maybe only by six days.

But the really big question on everyone’s mind is (obviously):

Thanks to STFU, Parents for this

Ummm…TMI anyone? Let the parents choose their own freaking birth plan and please don’t speculate on this kinda stuff. Geez, people. BOUNDARIES.

FACT: the baby is a boy.

But it would seem that it’s wrong to say so, because…well actually I’m not 100% sure why. Look, I understand that there is a small movement (even in Canada) among some new parents to decide not to announce the sex of their children. This is done in the hopes that the child will determine their own likes, interests, and gender identity without having them imposed by their parents. Ok, whatevs. To urban hipster parents living outside the limelight: go to town. Raise your kids however you think is right, I’m not gonna judge. Heck, it’s not like keeping a baby’s sex on the downlow is harm or neglect like, say, failing to properly secure your baby in a carseat (more on that later).

But still, haters gonna hate and so here’s a collection of tweets compiled by STFU, Parents opposing the announcement that the newest heir to the throne is male (admittedly, some are clearly tongue in cheek and several are even direct quotes from Monty Python. But still: more proof that a large number of people in this world have waaaay too much time on their hands):

My question to the naysayers is this: did you really think that the parents of arguably the most important baby born this century, to what is arguably the most traditional of all Europe’s monarchies, would buck tradition so flamboyantly as to not announce the sex of the child? Really??? Face it: this family’s entire raison d’être is tradition.

FACT: the baby weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces.

Way to go Kate! After all kinds of nasty focus on her too-skinny body and her too-small baby bump, the royal mama stepped up and delivered a very healthy and respectably-sized chubster of a baby. And yup: the baby-body watchers are already out there, although most reactions to her post-baby-body seem to have been mostly positive and realistic.

FACT: the baby’s name is George.

Umm, yeah. Were you surprised at that announcement? I mean, George was the odds-on favourite at 5:2, but even if you hoped (as I’ll admit I did) that his parents might choose to go with a different moniker just to tick off the bookies, you didn’t really think they were going to name him Jackson or Tyler did you? I mean, really: the most random English king’s name ever is, like, Stephen (there’s only been one of them). But again, haters gonna hate and there’s also been a little internet storm of judginess over the choice of the little Prince’s name. Heck, why not go all Picabo Street and let the kid pick his own name, too? Am I the only one who wonders whether all this ambiguity and choice might not be a little much for a little one? I mean, those of us who have had toddlers understand that their little minds are entirely polarized: everything in the world fits into two categories: this makes me happy/this makes me throw my head back, arch my back and scream as if simultaneously stung by an entire hive of bees. There’s no ambiguity or in-between with young children. I can’t imagine how not knowing your sex or your name could be freeing or helpful. Things that toddlers don’t know and understand are frightening to them. It’s just how they’re wired.

FACT: New parents make mistakes. Even if they’re royalty.

Yes, I’m going to talk about the royal carseat blunder. I wasn’t going to, but honestly: how can I talk about parent judginess without mentioning this gaffe? Okay. Was little Prince George properly secured in his baby bucket? No. But think about it, peeps: this baby was heading home in a car going about 10 km/h in the midst of a police escort on streets that had been cleared of other traffic. Nothing was going to happen to him. And nothing did happen to him (enter my favourite parenting rule: all’s well that ends well).

I mean, new parents make mistakes. Which of us never made one? I’ll admit it. I once arrived at my destination and went to take my firstborn out of her rear-facing seat only to find that I had not buckled her in at all. Am I proud of this? No. Of course not. But dudes: shit happens. Every parent has at least one story like this: the time my baby rolled off the change table, the time I dropped my baby, the time the stroller rolled away from me…almost all of them turn out perfectly fine. As this one did. The difference is that the rest of us aren’t being photographed and filmed by the entire world media when it happens.

Let me ask you this: do you really think Will and Kate need self-proclaimed “car seat ladies” from across the Atlantic chiding them on their second day as parents? Hells no they don’t. I’m absolutely sure there is some kind and gentle royal advisor who will be able to mention to them that next time, the safest way to do put little George in his carseat is like so.

FACT: We all just need to back off and take a big dose of CTFD.

Right? So let’s all agree to just chill out and let the new parents adjust to their new jobs, get to know their new baby and make their own mistakes. Just like we all did.

Fair enough? What do you think? Am I right or do they not have the right to do things their own way? Is this baby just too important or does their life as celebrities preclude them from the right to some amount of privacy? Dish in the comments…