Once upon a time when my kids were little people, we were leaving the soccer field with yet another medal, ribbon or trophy. I like the idea of reward and tend to lead my life around it, but my children were lousy soccer players. The oldest wrote poetry in the back field and once, while in goal, was trying desperately to book a playdate with an opponent, inadvertently blocked a kick with her body while trying to pick a dandelion, saved the game, looked at the cheerers with confusion and wondered how any of this could land her with ‘MVP’.
Younger daughter scored only once the whole season. On her own team.
“Momma look at my trophy. I must have played really well”.
I could not stand it anymore. I had spent a few years around parents describing their children with glowing Einstein reports, promise of Mozarts and Picassos and I was feeling a bit nauseous from all this talk of their brilliance based on nothing. I went to my 3 year olds ballet recital and all the midgets were getting a dozen long stem noses for showing up and scratching themselves.
I turned to her and said “Actually honey it was not your best work”.
One night after a rather busy and challenging day I plopped down a bit of a pasta dinner in front of everyone. Halfway through the meal, my girls both looked up and said
“Momma, its not your best work.”
I agree with you. And I love that your kids can dish it out as well as take it! 😉
I’m with you – how will they know how to do their best if they think their best is any time they show up? Taking pride in something you worked to achieve is such a great feeling, I’d hate for my kids not to feel that. I also think those other kids are going to hit the wall some day, when they realize that no, not everyone thinks that everything they do is wonderful. I don’t think it does kids a service in the long run, really.
I’ve said much the same thing as you to mine, in fact – “I am pretty sure you can do better, actually.” She protested, but I think she knew it was true, too, and I think it doesn’t say she can’t do better, but encourages the trying. she’s a pretty capable kid, why not give her the push to see how well she really can do with a little effort, as long as it’s supportive?
I really do love your girls’ response, too. It’s both stingy and funny when they turn your own words on you, isn’t it?!
Heh.
every time I ask a question lately, I show my age! Thanks for the insight. ROFLMAO is my fave pass time
LOL Nancy – thanks! As you know, it’s always gonna be trial and error. ROFLMAO = Rolling on the Floor Laughing My A** Off. Funny an old friend asked me that last year (we’re both 46) – and he told me that he must be an old nerd ’cause he didn’t know that…more LOL. NOT. 🙂
Love it Heidi! You are so well adjusted! thanks for telling us your story-n
what is ROFLMAO ?
Love it. I have learned the hard way over the years to not be a Compete-A-Mommy. Believe me – very hard in my neighbourhood. The way some of the mothers went on and ON this year about their 5 year-old proteges made me want to vomit (in Australia – you go to school full-time at 5. It’s basically FREE daycare LOL). I’m just happy my kids are well socialised, can wipe their own butts, sleep through the night without a pull-up and (nearly) feed themselves at that age. Never mind the counting to 100, drawing like Picasso, reading books & writing poetry, etc. All kids are different and I am learning that the hard way – as we all are. My revenge this year was that Toby (my 7 1/2 year old who just finished Grade 2) was given a Principal’s Award and was top of his class in math. I NEVER did any homework with him and his friends’ parents all dragged their kids to Kumon, etc. Looks like it didn’t make any difference – kids will come into their own when ready. And oh yes, the OTHER parents weren’t happy….ROFLMAO. Toby? Well, let’s just say he was more excited about the Nerf gun he got for Christmas than any achievement award. And so he should be – he’s ONLY 7.
I needed this laugh. Excessive praise and false enthusiasm is as detrimental to a child’s development as is excessive criticism.
When something is good, it’s good.
When something is not so good….
Not every move we make requires fanfare or comment.
I really learned something when Ekhart Tolle said: “Sometimes silence is the answer”.
I struggle to learn to refrain from comment on things that are self-answering and just learn to hum “UM HUM” or “Is that so.”
Thanks Nancy for the reminder that a padded ego is not genuine confidence building.
i love it! honesty is a good lesson no matter the stinging effects. I totally agree with you.