As Will gets older – the birthday party invitations are starting to roll in! I think it’s fun for him but I hope it isn’t like year long bridal showers…you know one every weekend that you have to plan the whole day around.
I’m already attempting to take a different attitude towards them and not feel guilty if we can’t go. He was invited to one next weekend but it’s the Santa Claus Parade in our ‘hood…and I really want us to go (even though Santa is probably the bouncer from the Konrad Lounge) – so I chose to RSVP no.
Here’s my question – do I still need to send a gift? (A certain guy told me no…but can I only take one man’s word? Hell no!) I’ve had a ‘no gift’ rule at Will’s birthday parties and for the most part people stick to it. When he gets older, I hope he’ll choose a charity that he wants to support or collects toys for needy kids or something. I’m just not a fan of big shows of gifts.
BUT I certainly don’t fault parents who aren’t pushing their neuroses into that kind of thing and need to know if I should be dropping a present off for this kid…and to all the other parties we don’t attend in the future. And what is the going amount that you spend on a gift anyway?!?
*that’s Will’s first bday…that’s cake people…just chocolate cake**
I agree -if you’re not going, there’s no need to send a gift.
With my daughter’s class, we used to pool together as parents and get a group gift. It was cheaper for us and less wasteful overall.
It’s funny but my husband & I both resent the echoage invites. That’s like those wedding invites that say “cash only”. Volunteering Thanksgiving or Christmas at the food bank resonates far more than a kid getting a wad of cash and an email saying they’ve made a donation in their name.
No gift if you are not going.
My kids were invited to some parties where we donated to animal shelters, Free the Children (my best option regarding charities).
When I rsvp I sometimes ask the parents what do the kids would like if I don’t know the child. When they are a little older, after 8-9 years usually, they understand money, so gift cards or money is great. They choose what they like and learn to stay on a budget.
I think $20 is enough for a “regular” friend, maybe $25-30 for very good friends and family friends.
One problem with family friends I found to be the siblings. I have friends who have 2 girls about the same age like mine 10 and 16. So if it’s youngest one’s b-day, I usually give a gift for the older one, a small thing, bracelets, hair accessories, etc. Or there is the main gift from my child, and as a family friend, I give each a small gift, too. But only if I really want or I “feel” obligated.
What do you do when your child has a friend who upsets everyone else, makes the birthday kid cry, blows in their candles, popps the helium baloons? My daughter doesn’t want a b-day party just because of this girls, who behaves so badly, she has some behavious issues. I can’t not invite her, she is my best friend’s granddaughter, and they see each other a lot.
Shall we have a “no party” this time, shopping at the mall with 3 other kids, maybe Buil-a-bear and eat there in the Open Kitchens? Would this be a no present invite?
From grade 7 up, they do not really want a big party. Shopping at the mall with their best friends, eat out, come back home for cake, etc. Anf later, in high-school it starts again, with lots of friends and big basement parties, music, food, dance, and “Mom, what are you doing here? Just leave the food and go back upstairs!”
Holy typos batman!
no gift.
We’ve been invited to quite a few bday parties, so when I see something that kids Z’s age would like go on sale, I buy a whole bunch. Like three weeks ago, I saw remote control cars on sale for $10 each- usually $35- so I bought five. Those will be bday gifts for Z’s “friends” this year.
We’ve only ever been to big birthday bashes, but Z is still young and I hope that the parties calm down in the future!
I agree, we don’t give gifts for parties that we don’t attend unless they are a close friend.
My daughter is invited to a friend’s birthday and the invitation specifies that we don’t bring a gift. Should we consider donating to a charity in the birthday girl’s honour?
no gift. i’ve also been doing echoage.com for my oldest (my youngest is to follow!). if they wish to, people can donate what they would have given for a gift to the birthday kid, 1/2 goes to the kid, 1/2 goes to the charity of their choice (-10% admin fee).
i open it up to the family as well. it’s great because people can donate what they wish and we don’t end up with millions of presents and a season’s pass to the rom or something like that.
I don’t have kids but I’m trying to remember what my did with/for us as kids…
I’d say “no gift” if you aren’t going. The gift = “payment” for someone else feeding / entertaining your kid for a few hours in my opinion. If it’s a super good friend you see lots then I agree…send a gift if you want. $20 sounds fine either way. We never had tons of money and you can get awesome gifts for $20! Books…a movie they really want…puzzles…art/craft supplies…board games. A good gift I’ve seen kids give is an indoor garden set. Ie. a little pot with some dirt, some herbs you can grow indoors, maybe a little shovel and trowel? How bout bubbles and different bubble wands (good for summer b-days)? For older kids…smaller Lego/model sets?
Dunno how much they are but how about a magazine subscription to something like KidsGeographic or the SPCA has magazines for kids you can subscribe to and it acts as a donation as well. Magazines are the gifts that give all year!!!
My mom is a teacher so she was/is big in to the gifts you can learn from, etc.
Also, I only ever invited my whole class once and it was HELLISH!!! Wayyyyyyyyy too many people/gifts/etc. I always remember having more fun with my small and close group of friends!
I don’t send gifts to parties we RSVP no to. Unless, as said above, they are good friends.
I’ve never done an entire class party for my own kids.
For the past 4 years we’ve allowed Cam to bring 3 friends to SuperX at the Rogers Centre. We eat dinner overlooking the track and watch the warm up and then go down to watch the race.
Cuyler has usually just invites a certain few friends to whatever he chooses and Eva has chosen 4 friends she wants to have for her birthday in January.
I’d send a gift if you’re tight with the people (but then, you’d likely go, right?) and I found during these preschool years, there seems to be a party every weekend, if not more than one! I try not to spend more than $20 on a gift – it doesn’t often go very far, but seriously – there’s a party EVERY weekend, and oftentimes for a kid (and parents) I’ve never even met. Sometimes I’ve never even heard the kid’s NAME before the invite comes. (Again, if we’re tight friends, then that’s different…)
Our own parties are getting smaller… I doubt we’ll do many “entire class” parties, so they can accept gifts from their 5 or 6 friends, I reckon. But I do like the idea of donating to a charity too. Just not sure when I’d push for that though.
I would say most of the time no gift. An exception would be if it was a really good friends. we have our bday party this weekend. I struggles with the whole thing. Invite the whole class? Only the girls? Where to have it. Gifts no gifts. Etc.
In the end I invited the whole class, booked the Early Years Centre which is $35 and didn’t mention gifts at all. I figure I’ll let them have a few years of raking in the toys and ripping open the paper before we go to the charity idea.