I recently wrote a post on my personal blog (the first one in a long time… have I ever been busy!) about Pea’s recent trips to the Early Years centre near our house. In this post, I note that Pea is an amazing artist, but more to the point of this post, that her trips have resulted in the acquisition of a few new friends.
Unfortunately, Pea doesn’t have a really wide circle of friends. That she isn’t yet in daycare (my in-laws watch her) means she spends lots of time with many loving and caring family members, but these are mainly adults. Apart from three or four toddlers we know, she’s not really around kids… and that fact bothers me. A lot.
My wife and I have spent a lot of time discussing the pros and cons of having my in-laws watch Pea.
The pro arguments are pretty easy. Daycare in Ontario is unbearably expensive. Not having to worry about that cost leaves us with room to, oh, I don’t know, go to a movie every now and then. We know she’s being loved and it’s nice to know that two people are watching her exclusively and teaching her at her own pace (my father-in-law should have been a teacher instead of an accountant).
The cons aren’t as many, but are just as important. I am concerned that she isn’t around other kids all day long and I wonder if she is falling behind from a social perspective. I don’t have a specific reason to think this, because quite frankly, I am amazed at how quickly she starts to interact with strange kids when we’re at the bookstore or mall. But I am worried she doesn’t have as much exposure as the average kid.
So, the announcement that Pea has made a few friends was welcomed.
But, as quickly as I heard the news, my Dad instinct kicked in…
Great, she’s made friends! That’s nice… are they her age? What are their names? Really? That’s a lot of boys. Are these boys treating her nicely? They aren’t pushing her around right? What are their parents like? Are they instilling a good sense of morality in their kids? Maybe we should find out, you know, do some recognizance…
I couldn’t believe how quickly I became defensive of my girl (ok, not really) and how skeptical I was of other kids and other parents.
When you become a parent, you immediately start making decisions about behaviour and learning. It’s almost subconscious, but with every decision you are charting a moral path for your child.
When you become a parent, you also become keenly aware that not every decision is unanimous. Even between parents. So it’s not a stretch to say that there will be a lot of parents who think certain behaviours are ok where others do not.
An example? Ok, how about physicality. Some parents believe that toddlers should be allowed to play all over each other because that is how they develop a sense of personal space and discover their tactile senses. Other parents don’t want strange kids climbing all over their kids.
Guess which parent type I represent, in the above example?
So there it is. Pea is just starting to make friends, and I am already worried about what type of influence other kids and parents are going to have on her. I just have to remind myself that while Pea is new to the friend game, so am I. It will take some time for me to come to terms with this fact.
I can already hear her saying, “Dad, stop it, you’re embarrassing me!” At least I don’t have to worry about sleepovers anytime soon.
The discovery of an outside world at her age is quite amazing to see. Pea cautiously moves forward and enjoys her surroundings. On a recent visit to us….(the grand pea-pods), she discovered the voices of children playing in the area and pulled on pépére’s reassuring hand towards the laughter. Mid-way to hearing range, she said “hi” and kept moving towards them. Not that anyone heard her with the exception of the grand pea-pods, but we were confident that her goal was to find these kids and play. There is no doubt that she is ready and willing to expand her circle of trust and love!
She’ll be fine!!! You on the other hand…
Oh, Shawn. I can tell you that Pea is doing just fine. The fact that she even has little playmates means she is socially right on course.
My kids both went to PreSchool but neither of them made their own friends (that weren’t friends because we were friends with their parents or their nannies knew eachother) until Grade 1. What I mean by this is that they didn’t independently ask for playdates with kids whose parents I didn’t know until Grade 1. They played with other kids but were fine to go home, hang with the neighbours, their sibling, or a playdate I arranged.
Relax and enjoy! You get to be one of her best pals for a while yet. She’ll figure out the friend thing and she is SO lucky to spend her days with people who love her so much. That is most important at this age.