When I became a mother just over 9 years ago, I set out a few ground rules for myself and my kids.
One was that my children would know how to fall asleep on their own. I didn’t want to get into a pattern of having to lie down in bed with them or rock them until they fell asleep. I was very lucky in that they were all good “fall-asleepers”.
Another ground rule was that I would be comfortable leaving them with babysitters. I wanted to be sure that we’d be able to go out for dinner once in awhile and not use the excuse that the kids wouldn’t stay with a babysitter.
Another one was that I was not going to become a short order cook.
I was going to prepare one meal and everyone in the family was going to eat it. And if they didn’t want it – they wouldn’t eat. Pretty simple. Right?
Well then why do I feel like this is more representative of my life:
I have become the short order cook that I said I would never be.
I am very often making 2-3 different meals for dinner. It probably started when Cuyler went gluten and casein free. Or maybe that just became my excuse…
I tried hard to make all meals as compatible with his diet as possible. We would all eat his pasta, or I would make a stir fry that everyone could eat. And it worked. For a while. But over time Cuyler’s sensory issues got worse. He got pickier. And I mean PICKIER. So then I would make him something different that I knew he would eat and made something else for Cam, Sean and I.
When Eva came, meals were harder to make with a baby strapped to my chest or hanging off my boob. I tried really hard to get back into a proper dinner time routine when she got older and realized that I was now sometimes making 3 meals. Something for Cam, Sean and myself, something for Eva (although often I pureed whatever we ate), and something for Cuyler.
It’s so frustrating because making gluten and dairy free meals has become so much easier than it was 5 years ago. The food is actually really good. And super healthy.
I am so sick and tired of making a nice meal for my family and all the kids turn their nose up at it. Admittedly, I’ll whip together something else for them just so we can all sit together and eat. I think that’s important together time.
I am thinking about going back to the basics of it. Make a meal and if they don’t want it – they don’t eat. But they will have to join us at the table. Think it’ll work?
And please tell me I’m not the only one struggling with this?
Christine,
I just wanted to add that I can really relate to the “sensory” issues situation that you have to deal with.
Chase has no “diagnosed” sensory issues however this is a boy who 3 months ago would not eat pasta if it was not spaghetti and it was macaroni…EVEN if it was the exact same noodle taste.
He would be happy living in a world where he eats the same thing day in and day out. To which I sometimes ask myself…really how bad is that?
I eat the same things pretty much. I don’t like when other people tell me what I “should” eat. It is so easy to forget that kids are independent people too.
All that being said…I didn’t want him to become afraid of trying different things…and that is when Brian (my fiancée) came up with the buffet plan.
I am not sure why it has been so successful but let me tell you….STRESS at meal time begone….and I like you had the biggest problem at dinner.
Keep us posted I would love to know if it worked!
Good luck 🙂
Hmmm…I like the buffet/mulitple choice meal.
It’s really only dinner that I have issues with. I can try something like that.
Laurie – that sounds so easy. You’re kids are just too good 😛
But I think I just go into survival mode and decide to go into “pick my battle mode” to avoid temper tantrums and then end up sabotaging myself.
I have to take into account Cuyler’s sensory issues – so there is no getting around that…but I think I can make it work.
We’re moving in 3.5 weeks so I imagine I’ll get off-course and screw things up again. When we’re in the new house things will be better (right???? ya. mm hmm)
I will update in a few weeks/months.
Thanks everyone!!
My 3.5 year old daughter has decided that she will only eat what ~I~ eat, literally. She eats off of my plate/bowl/cutlery etc. She tries everything, so I can’t complain about her being a picky eater per se, but it’s only lately that she leaves 95% of the food on her plate untouched, of which is identical to what is on my plate – but still manages to eat most of my own meal. It’s great for the thighs (this unexpected squirrel I have eating off my plate leaves me with little effort to fight for more food), but sometimes I am hungry before bed, and so cereal has become my best friend as of late!
Anyway, it’s sort of off topic, but prior to the squirrel-syndrome, I would make the family meal (and something hopefully my 10-month old could gum as well so she wasn’t bored ‘eating’ with us at the dinner table) but if that failed, I’d offer ONE alternative, usually something easy like a sandwich etc., and if neither option was wanted, she went hungry (and would go to bed without,) but that sort of also backfired because then she wanted a 4-course breakfast the next morning!
Good luck with trying to ‘reinstate’ your rule! 🙂
I think that most families struggle with this…it is to be expected that numerous people have numerous tastes…we often forget that kids are little people too!
When I was a single mom I used to think the same way…one meal and we are all going to eat it. However my 7 year old Chase who is an extremely picky eater was NOT happy.
A few months ago my fiancée who I like to call “Super Step Dad” moved in and suddenly meal time became a delight.
He loves to cook (Thank goodness) so he took over. Not only was I grateful for that but he put a great spin of new ideas on meal time.
Meal time has become “Buffet” time! He prepares no more than usual but prepares a variety of foods. We pick a theme, for example, Italian…and then he creates.
The menu consists of pasta with two sauces, bread, fruit, cheese etc….there is always at least one thing on the table that each child likes.
The kids think it is AWESOME!! We all sit down and learn the value of asking for things and sharing while we talk about the country that the food came from.
Prep time is usually no more than 20 minutes…7 year old no longer stressed out by food, 5 year old happy because she has “lots” of food to eat…which leaves parents feeling satisfied!
Try it…trust me it works!!
Hi Christine
I am a mom of 6 children, two who live daily with aspergers and myself who lives daily being a short order cook like yourself! You are totally not alone. My older son with aspergers is on the extreme end of picky and has many sensory issues, so he basically eats about 8 different foods only on a good day.
I tried to make one meal but he literally didn’t eat ANYTHING for two days so now I let him have a PB&J sandwhich but he has to sit at the table with the rest of us.
Good luck and hope you have more sucess than I have with this! LOL
Christine my rule is that I make one dinner. You eat what I make. I do bend on the you have to eat all the foods. They have to chose from what I have made or you can wait for the next meal! Like tonight I made chicken, salad, and watermellon. Ethan ate one small piece of chicken and tons of watermellon. Elise the same BUT they do not get a snack after that if they don’t eat all the things I make!
Keep pugging away it’s not easy!
You sound like me, Kath. With 4 kids, one of which is vegetarian, it is tough to find something we all like, so I do what Kath does – they eat what I make, or they make their own healthy alternative, but they have to sit at the table if they are home at meal time. Unfortunately, this is becoming less and less often…
We do pretty much what Kath does. I make one meal, and we encourage them to try one bite. Just one. They are even free to spit it in the trash if it’s really that bad. We don’t turn it into a power struggle though. But I only serve one meal. If they don’t like it, they know where the sandwich stuff is.
The only exception to this rule is if I am making a meal that I *know* they won’t like. (like this tex-mex casserole I make that me, my husband, and oldest child love, but the rest of them hate it.) On those nights, I will make something for them too, but it’s really rare.
Christine, you’re SO not the only one struggling with this. Weirdly enough, my kids have gotten picker as they’ve gotten older (and I’m talking 7 and 9, not 4 and 6), so while they used to be content to have chicken, broccoli and rice with Mom and Dad, now they will turn their noses up at almost everything.
I took a page from a friend’s book on this one. I make one meal, and one meal only. If you don’t like it, I won’t force you to eat it, but you will be responsible to make yourself an alternative. In our house, the alternative is a PB&J sandwich on brown bread.
That wouldn’t work in all families, but it does in ours. Mostly 🙂