Choosing to become a father has relatively few longstanding career impacts. As far as I can see, the short-, medium- and long-term pros and cons of this decision aren’t really all that significant; apart from a sizable lack of sleep, careers carry on just the same no matter when a man becomes a Dad.
In fact, I am fairly certain that I’ve heard having a family is actually good for a man’s career. So far so good in my case. I’m fairly certain my blogs helped me land my current job. Amazing, I know, given the stuff I write about (like this, for example).
Choosing to be come a mother? Well, that’s a horse of a different colour, isn’t it? (Talk about preaching to the choir.)
Women must deal with timing concerns, which raise job commitment concerns, which raise mobility concerns, which raise earning potential concerns, which circle back to impact the choice to have a family in the first place.
At the root of this vicious circle is the timing issue. And on this point, I read an interesting article/column by Leah McLaren on The Globe and Mail website recently. You can find it here.
According to the article, Man Booker Prize-winning author Hilary Mantel recently, and publicly, made the argument that young moms (read teenage moms) may be the ones who’ve figured out the best possible parenting timeline.
The argument is that today’s patriarchal society stigmatizes young moms, and dictates when women should have children despite what might in fact be in their best interests.
I found this topic extremely interesting, especially since there is such a vast difference between my position as a man and father and that of a women and mother.
In considering this topic, I can see a few pro’s to young motherdom. The above-mentioned article references several of these points, and I’ve added a couple of my own:
The Biological Argument
We’ve heard it before; a woman’s body is essentially a ticking clock, and no one knows when the alarm is set to go off. This is not a slight, but rather a fact, albeit crassly worded. The younger a woman is when she has kids, the more assured she can be that she will be able to give birth to a healthy child. Plain and simple.
The Energy Argument
Young moms are more likely to have the energy needed to care for a child, generally speaking. Young mom can, in theory, get by on less sleep and thus is more alert to care for baby.
The Maturity Argument
This is an interesting argument. As a woman grows, she learns more and more about the many drawbacks that come with having kids. She enters motherhood having experienced lots in life, and knowing exactly what she is giving up to be a parent. Young mom? Well, she’s experienced less and this ignorance can be bliss.
The Career Bounce Back Argument
Another interesting argument. One of the big drawbacks with motherhood, as I’ve explored above, is that you essentially put your entire career on hold to have kids. Young moms don’t have that concern, do they? Delaying the start of a career is not the same as putting a career on hold. Watching your peers move forward while you take a year away from the office can be hard. Young moms though, don’t have to worry about putting a career on hold because they don’t yet have a career to speak of.
Now, like Leah McLaren states in her column, I am not advocating teenage girls go out and have babies in droves… so please don’t misconstrue my intentions here. I am simply bringing to your attention an interesting theory and I’d love your opinions.
If you are a mom who had kids later in life, what are the pros and cons from your viewpoint? Young moms, where do you stand on this issue? Were you stigmatized? Ostracized? And if you’re somewhere in the middle, let us know which direction you would have preferred to go in.
Leave a comment or two, and please don’t let the fact that I’ve had it fairly easy prevent you from commenting!
I waited to have my wonderful little girl, thinking that I’d be more established in my career, be more mature and get the partying out of my system. However, I’m not where I wanted to be in my career, I still feel like a teenager and still really enjoy going out…although that last point is starting to wane – finally 🙂
Despite all of this, I decided to just go for it right before I turned 30, because I started to worry about the whole having enough energy side of things. I also figured that being in my 30s would surely make it easier to take on the Mom role. Admittedly, this was not the case. Having been a pretty social and selfish person, I had a really hard time transitioning into motherhood. Despite loving my daughter to pieces, I still craved the active social life I once had and just being able to spend a Sunday in my pajamas doing nothing if I wanted to.
It really wasn’t until 1.5 years later, that I finally got used to the role and now find myself turning down offers to go out because I’d rather spend time with my daughter and husband. I never thought I’d get here, but I guess that’s part of the wonderful journey of becoming a parent. There’s always more to learn and discover not just with your child, but about yourself.
In my opinion, there’s no real ideal time to have kids – you just have to dive right in! However, looking back I’d probably personally choose to start my family much earlier – if only to avoid placing unnecessary stress and expectations on myself. Younger or older, we all manage, and that’s what makes our individual journeys so special. I love what one of you said about having it all, just not all at once. That really opened my eyes, because I think for a long time I was disappointed with myself about where I expected to be in life before becoming a Mom. I’m finally becoming more at peace with not having achieved everything I thought I would before having kids, and am a better Mom for it.
I was recently reading Mika Brzezinski’s book “All Things At Once” she talks anout having babies and a career… it is hard to fit it all in. She cautions young women on the career path to be sure to remember to get married and have a family if that is a goal. It is too easily forgotten in the hustle and bustle of career building. Really excellent book.
Society has evolved WAY faster than our bodies have. Yes, it may be physically better for a teenager to have a baby but the way our society is set up certainly doesn’t support this. Congratulations to those of you who have been able to make young parenthood and an early marriage work. But you are definitely the exception.
And there are definitely stats that prove the divorce rates. Divorce rates have steadying since the 80s but that is attributed to the fact that people are waiting longer to get married or not marrying at all. Read this article by the New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/1987/01/12/style/divorce-at-a-young-age-the-troubled-20-s.html?pagewanted=all
This is a direct quote from a study done by the Canadian government:
“…the younger the bride and groom the greater the risk of marital breakdown. The rate of teenage marriages being dissolved was twice as high as spouses who married between the ages of 25 and 29, and people who marry during their thirties are 43% less likely to divorce.”
Give yourself and your children the gift of life experience. Wait.
I am absolutely blown away by the breadth and thoughtfulness of your comments. Thank you! In fairness, I never really gave my position on this topic, and since you’ve all been so forthcoming, I think I should be as well.
I was 29 when Pea was born. Now, at 31, I already find myself wishing I had more stamina and energy to keep up with her. I think I hold my own, but were it not for the help of my parents and in-laws, I’m not so sure things would be at all the way they are now.
I actually find myself thinking a lot about how old I will be when Pea hits certain milestones, and I usually wish I was going to be younger when she gets there. My parents were young parents. My mom, especially, was 22 when she had me and looking back now I can see how her youth was a benefit to both of us.
But more than that, I am probably going to have more years with both of my parents than the average Joe. As I experience all the great emotions of being a parent, I think I will wish I had Pea younger so that I could selfishly spend more time with her down the road.
Before she was born, I spent so much time worrying about the bad stuff that comes with being a parent (sleeplessness, a diminishing social life, less money, etc.) that I completely failed to really consider the impact she would have on my life emotionally. Now that Pea is here, I wish I had known her my whole life because she has fulfilled something in my life that I never knew was empty. And who wouldn’t want to have that feeling for as long as possible?
All that said, I was definitely not ready to have a kid in my teenage years. In the end, I am happy with the timing we have with Pea. I’m not the type to regret my past, and I feel we had Pea when the time was right for us. The only thing I know now is that I am glad she’s here.
Hi Shawn
I had my wonderful son when I was 18 and my fabulous daughter 16 months later, so that puts me in the teenage mom category. The lack of sleep you experience in the first few months I think takes its toll on you no matter what age! I can tell you now that I am in my thirties that I don’t think I could do now what I did then, I am watching friends do it and really like my position in life.
I can also tell you that more often then not when I came into contact with people, especially in a professional capacity(the education system), in regards to my children there were usually assumptions made about both me and my children in place when they saw me. I was pitied and condesended to on a regular basis. My intelligence was usually in question and the assumption was that I didn’t know how to parent my children. These situations ranged from amusing, the daycare workers who told me my son (2.5 years)wouldn’t nap three months after I told them he hasn’t napped since he was ten months old patted me on the arm and told me that it would be fine, they always sleep, to the outrageous, the school psychologist who labelled my child a behaviour problem with a lack of discipline when in fact he should have been and was later diagnosed on the autism spectrum.
While I admit that I was financially ill equipped in the beginning to deal with children at the age I had them and some more life experiences may have made me better prepared, I am proud to say that my children are now 19 and just turned 18 and they are both great kids who are contributing members of society that are well on their way to making their mark in the world. My son is now working and making as much money as a lot of the people who doubted my ability to raise them, and living on his own. My daughter is about to graduate from high school with her educational goals set and own business in the beginning stages. Neither of them are the statistics that they were expected to be.
As for giving up my educational or vocational aspirations I am now a double post secondary graduate doing exactly what I love to do. Was it harder then doing it before children? Maybe, but who is to say I would have had the discipline, the drive, the energy and the confidence to do it all if I hadn’t had their inspiration. I don’t feel that I gave anything up to parent my children and I know they don’t feel that they gave up anything either.
Motherhood is a challenge for everyone who enters into it and we are all scared and lacking in confidence in our abilities at points but age doesn’t have to be a determining factor in parenting well. Expectation usually plays a big role in how things turn out and I was quite blessed to have people in my life who allowed me to believe that I wasn’t going to be a statistic, didn’t expect me to be a statistic and in turn expect my children to be statistics as well.
Well, I’m out of the teen category, but I fall squarely into the ‘young mother’ group. I’m 23 and just had my second child [our first was born while I was still 21].
I definitely feel like an oddity, and I get a lot of judgement. My husband and I were married before our first was conceived, but I felt a lot of pressure to make that known. Now that we’ve got two children we receive less of the “Hah- that was definitely an accident!” stares, and more of the “wow, they’re young parents”. I suppose it doesn’t help that my husband has a ‘baby face’, but it really sucks being on the end of constant judgement. We aren’t parents that let our child run wild regardless, but we feel more pressure to be extra stern with our children while out, to prove that we’re not young and irresponsible.
Besides the judgement factor, there are several pros and cons:
-pro: we’ve got the energy
-con: we’re tied down [no ‘date nights’ as we live in a new city without family]
-pro: my body bounced back from the second birth incredibly quickly. After both pregnancies my care providers mentioned how fast my recovery was, and mentioned that my age [and overall health] made a huge difference. I also had no problems losing the ‘baby weight’ [even though I gained over 40lbs with each!], though my resolve [perhaps stemming from wanting to fit in with my general age group] was perhaps stronger than older mothers.
-con: starting off, paying off student loans and such we’re not able to buy a home as quickly. An older couple, already ‘on their feet’ has a lot higher likelihood of being in a home of their own. Thankfully my husband’s a firefighter, so his job is recession-proof and very stable, but a lot of younger couples don’t have solid and well paying careers to fall back on, requiring both parents to work to get by each month. I have the choice. [not having the choice is a con in my mind, though some parents may disagree]
-pro: I’m not as rigid in my beliefs. Anyone will admit that the older you get the more set in your ways you get… I’m open to reading and learning and practising more tips/techniques than the older moms I’ve befriended. I’m not set on doing things ‘this way’ simply because that’s all I’ve ever seen. This applies to methods of parenting, products used [from toys to body products or even using cloth diapers! –> check out how cloth diapers are NOW, rather than what they were like 30 years ago!], and even ways of communicating with your children.
Now, it’s true that I don’t have a career to fall back on. If I hadn’t decided against my career choice a few years into University I would have, but I don’t, so I fall into the same category as many other young moms. In a way I’m happier like this- I was young when I made my career choice, and ultimately I ended up changing my mind. After years of ‘real life’ experience, would I go back into the work force wanting to do something completely different than I was trained for? Quite likely. Or, the career I used to have might be completely outdated or requiring many updates!
This way, when I have the time, desire and finances, I can decide what I want to be ‘when I grow up’. It’s fun still having all my options open and having a lot of time to thoroughly explore them.
For now? I’m happy raising my two young children while looking like their babysitter. I look forward to my early forties when they’re off to post secondary university/their own lives and my husband and I can travel… or our early 50’s when my husband’s eligible for full retirement and we can visit our [hopefully!] grandkids anytime we please.
A young mom [hopefully] means a young grandmother… and who doesn’t want to meet their grandkids, greatgrandkids and possibly… great great grandkids!
Life is good for us. We’ve just got to deal with a bit more public pressure and judgement. But, if that’s the worst of it, I think I’ve got the long end of the stick!
Well I had my son at 19 years old and had to drop out of school, and the father was and still is pretty non exisistant. With help from family and friends I not only learned to mature a heck of a lot faster as I had no option, but survived on an average of 4 hours of sleep per day on the weekends between work and school.
There are a tremendous amount of programs and subsudies ie daycare etc, that allow a younger mother to continue her education. I find the energy level of a younger mother can be a huge benefit to running around hockey rinks, lacrosse rinks and school functions.
I also found that with part time work it benefited a child to have a mother around, rather than an “older mother late 20s-30s” who had a pre established career ie get up for work 730am, drop kid off at daycare by 8:15am, be at work for 9am, leave at 5pm, pick up kid by 6pm, be home by 6:30pm make dinner, eat by 730pm either do homework or have child take a bath, kid in bed by 9pm, quality time spent with child 3hrs per day on average of a women who isnt a high end executive employee. High executive women tend to go away alot on business trips and leave there child(ren) with parents, nannies or grandparents, as the mighty dollar is more important than time.
To all the parents out there, time travels by fast, my son is 17 now in June, if you decide to have a child(man present or otherwise) you can do it all, but have patience and remember the most important thing in life is time, because you will never be able to get it back. Enjoy spending quality time with your children, get involved is sports activities or weekly alternate activities with your child. Dont let the XBox, Wii, TV do your job for you, and be active roll. Money isnt the most important thing(although it helps) you dont need a new ipod or blackberry, you dont need HD cable, you dont need Mac Makeup @$50, and try not and rack up the credit cards! If you can learn to limit your budget to actual things that are important, it will benefit you later in the long run.
I think people and kids alike are caught up in the hype of material objects(guess what we grew up without them and survived)lol!
Regardless of a womens age, whether married or single, being a mom is extremely rewarding and truely the highlight of your career, remeber to put kids first, before your own wants or needs, to many women focus on there social lives,careers, boyfriends,girlfriends, husbands,wives, have your sole attention be on your son or daughter, it is the most important job you will ever have.
An age of a mom isnt important but I strongly feel that a younger mom is better off than an older mom as her energy level is higher. An older mom has usually better finances, but money isnt everything.
Finally I find this article very funny and interesting coming from a male perspective, traditional families are really non existant at this point, as the majority of men do not stay with the mother of there childs. As for divorce rates whether youngh marriages or old marriages, people arent getting married, and 50% of all marriages young or old end up in divorce. Nice to see a dad support his kids though as in my hometown its a rarity the dad is even around in the kids life at all. Majority of my friends are single moms 95%, 5% being married, and stay married for the husbands income, but arent estatic over being married but love financial comfort.
I had my kids just after turning 30. I had finally landed the great job I had worked for since University, and gave it all up to mother my children full-time. It was a hard decision to make, but what am I going to wish for on my death-bed – more time at work or more time with my kids, especially when they need me for so much? This is a very personal choice every woman must make. I look at the break in my working life as a fabulous thing, and when it is time to go back I can do ANYTHING. I can go back to school, I could get a job similar to what I had before, I could try a different industry, the world is my oyster. It is not nescessarily a bad thing to take a step back from working life and focus on something else for a while, and it shouldn’t be as stigmatized as it is.
For me, I have gained many things by waiting until my 30’s to have kids. My husband and I married very young, and had some rough years because of it. We are in a place where we are (mostly) stable and have a (mostly) peaceful marriage. I think that is a definite advantage for a child as it provides some stability. I also have more patience and perspective, even though some days the patience tank still runs out. I would have missed out on a lot if I had my kids young, and wouldn’t do anything different if given the chance. And I am not by any means commenting on the parenting of anyone else, but I know myself, and if I would have had my kids in my 20’s or earlier I would have been a horrible parent, I still had a lot of growing up to do.
This theory just plain bothers me, the context that it is put in implies that having children and a family is in some way an inturruption of the all-important career. That just seems backwards to me!
Good topic, as a first time mother at 30 and I had my second 2 years later I think there are both positives and negatives to both sides. Biologically speaking, a teenage mother is better suited to having a child as her body will bouce back quicker, she’ll have more energy and there are less likely possiblities for problems with the pregnancy. You can start you life after your children without having to put anything on hold. As an older mother, you’ll have more life experience and you’ll often be able to put a better perspective on things.
I think the important things that can really effect when the best time to have children are often out of direct control of the woman. Are you with someone you would want to have children with, can you support children financially? Are you personally ready to have children. Do you want them yet? I know at 20 I was not ready to have kids as much as I wanted them, I hadn’t met the right person, I wasn’t willing to give up the things I liked to do and there were things I wanted to do first. I met my husband when I was 25 and we were married a couple of years later. We travelled together and I accomplished a lot of things I wanted to before I had my kids. Now I know I won’t be as young as my mom was when my kids move out but for me 30 was the perfect age. Old enough to have had some fun but young enough to keep up.
Shawn – I’d agree with Sarah: there are of course points on both sides. Physically, I think there is some merit to having a child earlier rather than later. However, there are other factors to balance that out: stable relationship and financial stability being the two key ones (of course there are lots of happy stories of young people marrying, having children early, and enjoying a happy marriage and productive careers, but the statistics are not in their favour).
As for the Maturity Argument, I simply don’t buy it. I often remark on how absolutely clueless I was about the long-term and life-changing nature of motherhood, and I had my first at 31 and my second at 34. I think I was pretty well-prepared for the baby stages, but there is simply no way to prepare a person for the ongoing changes, challenges, commitments and financial impact of RAISING children to maturity (which moves ever later these days).
I remember blissfully saying “I’ll just go back to work when the baby’s 6 months old” (before the 1year mat leave) but in the end it was the most hellish thing I’ve ever done in my life. Just yesterday a friend and I were saying “we had NOOOO idea it would be like this” about our 6, 8, 9 and 11 year-old kids. That’s not to say it’s not wonderful, just to say that even in your 30s or 40s you still do not “know exactly what you’re giving up” in order to be a parent. Or maybe you have a better idea what you’re giving up, but you still can’t know what you’re getting into.
Motherhood (PARENTHOOD) takes us all by surprise, in the end. It’s an interesting argument, but in the end, we are all (I think) surprised by the intensity of parenthood and we all want to give our kids the very best childhood, no matter what our age or circumstances.
Vive la différence!
I am definitely a young mom. I had my children when I was 18 and 20….(I am now 23) I think it solely depends on the parent, not their age. Having children at ANY age is a huge commitment, regardless of “How ready” you think you are, you are never fully aware of the amount of work and sacrifice it takes. However, no matter what age you are, the moment you understand and feel what it’s like to have that “mother’s love” All of it is worthwhile.
I think the problem is not in which age you have your children, but in society’s new found “Selfish, self serving generation”. We are told that we come first and that we have to have everything in order beforehand. In all honesty, before I had my children I had little to no motivation to move forward and gain a career or go back to school or do much of anything real positive, I felt like I had tons of time to get those things in order. Now, I have done more in the last 5 years then I had my entire life due to the fact that I am now a role model.
I work in a law office that practices family law, we see ALL kinds….To be honest, there are many people at age 40 who should have never had children, and there are young parents who should have never had children. I would have never taken on such a huge responsibility if I knew I could not handle it, and neither should anyone else at any age if they are not ready.
I was a teen mother,,had three daughters all just about 4 yrs apart, had my first at 16 second at 21 and third at 24 then was all done delivering babies ,,,
To Jen,,,maybe for some there are more draw backs to having children young but,,
1 – I finished my schooling
2 – I truely do not feel like I missed out on anything or gave anything up,,love being a Mom
3 – My husband and father of all my girls married me , I was 17 he was 22, we are still going strong just about 28yrs.
4 – Kids are only as expensive as you want it to be…if there is a will there is a way..
I love being a young mother,,luckily my husband did have a good job and I was able to be a SAHM. My career was and is my family.
When my girls were younger we had a blast, I had the energy to keep up with them and could relate to everything they went through in school cause I still had vivid memories of it all and was able to help each one of my daughters better.
I remember times going to the beach with my girls, and seeing other mothers just plunked down in lawn chairs reading, but not me, I was always right there with my kids making sand castle and play king of the castle on a hugh air mattress in the water. I got involved in the elementary school on the Parent Advisory Group and support my girls in every way I could. I got to grow up with my girls which gave me a hugh advantage, we are all best friends.
Having children young all depends on the persons invovled. If it is truely what you want anyone can make it work.
I am now 44 my husband 50.Our oldest is just about 28 she had our first grandson last year, she is a manger at a hotel, our middle daughter is 24 and a teacher and our youngest 20 has yet to make a career choice and is still at home with us.
My husband and I now spend lots of time together, and we are both still young enough to go do whatever we want whenever we want
Such interesting topic!
I am 32 I have 2yr old & 8 month old. I don’t believe there IS an answer or a best case scenario, as you parents know it is self sacrifice at any age.
In my opinion what is best for the children is having parents that are educated and experienced in life. That way we have more to offer our children.
I personally don’t believe having children in your teen years is a good thing for either the child or parent. A teen should be having fun and going to school. However humans are human and things happen, I would think mostly unplanned.
Personally my children were both planned and my career does take a backseat, I am ok with that as I have made peace with it. Truthfully children are much better and satisfying & having a good paying job with security for now is great. Us Mom’s need to remember that we can have it all just not all at the same time! After all we are human and are only capable of so much.
My two cents…
Karen
Great article Shawn. Asking for views on both the younger aged moms-older aged moms was a great way to end your article. Can I first say that unless you fall into the age category you are discussing, it’s a little unfair to say the least that you can justify or show how age can affect everything else in ones life. Unless you are, or have been in that situation, it isn’t really fair to pass judgement, now is it? I had my first child at 15. I had my second at 18, and my third at 24. I am now 25 years old. I am happily married, and have been for four years. The marriage factor involving age holds zero grounds. Read the divorce statistics. It’s a very high number in general, and I haven’t seen or heard anything that emphasizes on “young marriages having higher divorce rates.” Are those really even statistics, or just convenient to tell a story? Age is a number. Maturity and knowledge of life experience is what will benefit you, or do the opposite as far as parenting, marriage, divorce, etc. go. Two out of three of my children are not my husbands. I finished my high school, and also went to college. I was a driven individual who wanted my children to have the best. I dealt with the looks, the comments, and the need to work 100 times harder to get where I am than someone who had been my age without children. However, I did it. I have never resented my children by having them so young, nor have I ever felt that I lost the chance to do things others my age without children did have the opportunity to do. I love the fact that I am a young mom. I have a lot more energy and patience than a lot of other parents I know. I even think at times I can relate better to my children by having had them younger. You can take a mother at 15, or a mother at 45… Age does not mean the older will be the better mother. It’s all about the person you are. I have seen both sides of the age group that have been amazing moms, and others that have been the complete opposite. The comment posted about young mothers not being able to financially support their children… Well let me say, I went to work 6 weeks after having my son at 15. I managed a full time job, plus finishing my school and emotionally, I did great. YOU CANNOT JUDGE UNLESS YOU HAVE DONE IT. Unfortunately, some people make these young girls, or boys terrified of the responsibility, and convince them that other options are more appropriate. I have complete respect and admiration for young parents and older parents alike. So long as you accept your parenting responsibilities whole heartedly, you deserve credit. Parenting is not an easy task, but the rewards are well worth it! 🙂
I am a young mom, I had my first at 21 and and my second 17 months later a couple of months before I turned 23 and I have never regretted it. Albeit I have been in a stable relationship with my boyfriend for over 7 years now, 4 when we had our first child. So we were already mature and had our own place and everything.
Honestly, I love the fact that I had/ will have my children young. I have more energy then the moms I know who have had their children later in life. As well, in my circle or moms at least, I have a more open mind to the ways in which things can be done.
I don’t resent my children at all, I had a few party years and it wasn’t for me. One person mentioned that financially there’s a drawback, and I kind of agree except that I grew up and will teach my children that it’s not material things that make a happy person. My children are well fed, well taken care of and happy healthy children.
Hmmm…I guess I fall into the middle. I was in my mid-ish 20’s when I had my first 2 (back to back). And my early 30’s when my third came along (surprise!).
I can say that if I knew we were going to have a 3rd, I’d have done it in my 20’s.
I swear the fact that I was oer 30 was the reason why I didn’t “bounce back” the way I did after the kids I had in my 20’s.
So for reasons of pure vanity, I would have had my third sooner.
The first 2 were timed perfectly. Wouldn’t change a thing. Had my fun. Had lots of fun actually.
Was in a job I didn’t love (probably why I got preg on my mat leave) and I’ve been home since then…9yrs now.
No regrets.
I think there are waaaaaaaay more drawbacks than benefits to having a child in your teens. 1) you miss out on education which will facilitate a career later 2) you give up so much before you have even figured out who you are 3) young marriages (if that is even an option) are shown statistically to end in divorce way more often than when someone is older 4) kids are expensive and no teen I can think of is financially stable enough to raise a child. And much, much more.
I was in my late 20’s when I had my first, younger than many of my friends but still established in a marriage and a career. Did it impact my career? 100%. Partly because I made choices. I was amazed at how when my husband worked 4 days a week how he was suddenly The Best Dad Ever but my 4 day work week made me less committed to my career. However, if you are motivated you will find a way to make it work OR you will accept the fact that things have changed and your priorities are different. Many of my friends who were older (in their mid to late 30’s or early 40’s) having children were ready to take a step back from their busy careers and focus more on motherhood OR they were confident enough in themselves as women to be wonderful working mom role models for their children.
In my opinion the facts in your post are presented completely out of context and don’t take into consideration the whole picture emotionally, financially, etc.
Hey Shawn, at 40, I probably land in the ‘older mom’ category. Like everything in life – I think there’s truth to both sides. I will say this. If I had had a child when I was in my teens or early twenties – there’s a good chance I would have harboured some resentment/jealousy of what I was missing. I waited till now because a. I hadn’t found someone and wanted to procreate with and b. I was ready to give up that lifestyle and be okay with going to bed at 9 on a Friday night. I’d rather wake up at 6 to Dr. Seuss then 10 and needing McD’s to function. Just my two cents!
By today’s standards, and among my peers, I was a ‘young mom’ when I started having children. I was married at 22 and had my first 9 months later. I am now 31 and have 4 children under the age of 8.
I would definitely agree that being younger grants you the benefits of energy and the whole ‘ignorance is bliss’ theory. In fact, with each pregnancy, I became more and more of a ‘worried’ mom … ” is something going to go wrong this time??”
I don’t think it’s any coincidence that a woman’s peak fertility is at the age of 25.
And so that being said, I would say that I agree with the points brought up in your blog; however, I have to also add that the ‘age factor’ is only one small part of it.
Being a mature woman, and in a healthy relationship with the baby’s father (and I will take it a step further and suggest that the father and mother actually be married!!!) are the other necessary factors in making motherhood as happy, healthy and wonderful as can be.
Great article Shawn. I consider myself a younger mom, solely from the timing perspective, having had my babies 28 and 25 years ago.
At the time my hospital stays were filled with nurses commenting on how young I was to be “saddling” myself with babies when I could be out traveling or spending my time enjoying my youth. In retrospect they did have a valid point, however here we are now almost 30 years later and life is pretty damn good.
Having my children early afforded me all the benefits you mention in your article but it also means that they are now finished post secondary, are out on their own and now we are still young enough to enjoy the financial benefits we have earned. In our twenties, disposable income was rare and sometimes non-existent.
We have a large circle of friends who we met originally through our children’s activities and because they had their kids later in life, they’re in their mid to late 50’s and still putting their younger ones through school. The future is something to consider when having babies.
My son, who is 28 and married, has an 8 year old step son. I am encouraging them to have a baby sooner than later, however my motives are purely selfish. I’d like to be a young grandmother too, unfortunately that is out of my hands.