It’s the summer of 2004 and I’m having the 20-week pregnancy ultrasound for my second child. The technician turns the monitor towards me and says,
“Look at your baby! You can’t really see her face because she is sucking her fingers.”
I oohed and aahed, not really thinking twice about the fingers. I was, of course, more concerned about everything being okay.
Fast forward to today, the back seat of my car, on our way home from dance class. I catch a glimpse of my darling 6-year old Girl, and there she is: sucking away on those same two fingers as she rests her tired head on the carseat.
It drives me nuts. The germs is one thing. Her teeth – that’s another. Our dentist has already noted the damage it’s causing. People always noticing and commenting – that’s another. It wasn’t such a big deal when she was a baby. It was kind of cute and endearing. “Awww, look at how she soothes herself.” Etc.
But now she’s a big girl, and it’s time to stop. A couple of nights ago, I sat down with her to discuss. I asked her:
“Sweetheart, I want to talk about your habit of sucking your two fingers. Can you tell me how you feel about it?”
After a couple minutes of silence (I could tell she was mulling), here’s what she told me. And I’m not embellishing. This is pretty much word-for-word:
“Mummy, when I’m sad, it makes me feel better. When I’m scared about something or I have a bad dream or if I have a fight with [The Boy], it makes me not feel bad. And, it helps me think. Like about school and stuff.”
What could I possibly say to that?
Awww…can’t help but feel for her. Charlotte has always stroked her belly-button for the same reasons. For a few years we tried everything from threats to tucked-in t-shirts to bandaging her navel…and nothing worked. Eventually I asked our doctor and even a psychologist and they both advised just leaving it. Sure enough, as she gets older the behaviour is diminishing. Now she pretty much only does it when falling asleep or watching TV, etc. She’s worried a fried will notice her doing it, so she’s stopped doing it at school or playtime.
Mind you, playing with your belly-button doesn’t carry the risks you mentioned above re: germs, future orthodontia; so in that way it’s different.
I sucked my thumb til I was 6ish too! I’m well adjusted, my teeth are fine and that child is too bright for her own good! No one payed any heed to my thumb in mouth and eventually i just stopped!
I miss her, the boy, the baby, the husband (tell him Fanfarlo is my new fav:) and that beautiful face of yours!!!
That is a tough one. My experience is very different but possibly something to throw in the mix??
My daughter bites her fingernails and, disgustingly, the skin around them. She does it when she’s bored, nervous, tired, so basically ALL the time. Her chewed up little fingers really hurt so I bought some of the gross tasting stuff and put it on them. This is an extreme measure after trying everything from regular manicures (advice from someone) to gloves to threats and constant nagging. And, when it is on her fingers, it actually does work. As soon as she puts her fingers to her mouth she is reminded.
The big difference here is that she WANTS to stop. I think your girl needs to want to before she will. Maybe have an adult she looks up to, like her teacher, talk to her about it and come up with something else she can do to substitute during the transition.
Good luck!