My girls and I pulled up in front of Grace’s house to do an Art Party for her 7th birthday. She was shouting and jumping up and down, screaming, “my birth father is here, my birth father is here.” As I got closer she explained to me that he had come for her party and that she was so happy. She pulled me by the hand to meet him. He was nice and kind and clearly interested in her. Most remarkable to me was her way of being able to state the obvious- that she was adopted. And to be so happy and earnest about all of it. I looked at my own children and said to them- that is what I want for you in terms of your dad and my separation- not that you are happy about it -as that might be impossible- but that you are matter of fact about it. And strong about it.
And then I looked at myself and thought this must come from me. This has clearly been taught to Grace from the start by her parents.
I always thought being private and discreet were only good. But maybe I had been too much so.
That day I decided to push up against anything that made me or my girls uneasy. Thanks to Grace. Grace, indeed.
Nancy I love your posts! They are always so interesting and thought provoking. I am so impressed by your ability to stand back and take lessons from life. I am so busy going through the daily routine that I often have tunnel vision; never taking time to reflect. I salute your efforts to challenge yourself and envy the path of growth and self-awareness that you are taking.