I love Christmas. When I was a kid my sister and I would get so excited that my mom would let us put out one Christmas decoration starting November 1st. For the past number of years my family and I have trekked up north of Toronto to my parents’ beautiful, snow filled retreat for a festive family holiday. I absolutely loved this time. Last year everyone was there as we knew this was likely our last Christmas with my mom. Our days were filled with this:
And this:
And this:
Last year our Christmas was filled with her. With my mom. With the loving, patient, warm embrace of her. This year is our first year without her and I am scared. I’m afraid that I will no longer love this time of year and it will impact my children. I’m afraid that it will all be too hard. I am afraid that I will just miss her too much.
So, I’ve done a few things this year to try and make it easier. On my first Christmas without her my dad will be visiting my sister in the UK and my family and I will gather with good friends and head to the Dominican Republic for Christmas on the beach. Maybe making it completely different will fill some of the void. Or at least distract from it.
Here’s wishing Happy Holidays to all of the wonderful urbanmoms.ca readers and members and your families!
Grandparents are more than happy to take care of the two boys ALL THE TIME! When fights happened, I would become the mediator to resolve the conflicts.
Love Christmas TIME!
I know. I too am scared about this Christmas. I’m trying to remember all the joy of last year, and to remind myself that she’d want us to experience the joy of the season this year, too. It’s going to be a very trying Christmas for our family.
Keep an eye out for your Mom. She’ll come to you but not in the way you think it will happen. A few summers ago we saw a black butterfly on our dock. I have never even seen a black one. I said to the kids that it must be my dad (Pops) sending us a message. Then, a few weeks later, we went to Vermont and wasn’t there a black butterfly sitting right on my deck chair. Pops again in Vermont! And then about one month later, we were back at the cottage and I was driving the boat with the kids and a black butterfly was flying right next to our boat, full speed, all the way to Dorset. I have never seen a black butterfly before that summer or since. She is with you, just watch for the signs. Enjoy the high points of your holiday and drink through the low ones.
sounds like she was one amazing mama. I’m so sad you entered the motherless mamas category…… 🙁 xoxoxo