One night when you go, as you always have and always will, in to check on your children while they sleep, to admire your best work , your heart stops. Their bodies go on forever, maybe a huge foot is hanging over the side for cool air, they may look beautiful one night, and a little teenage- funny looking the next, but they are enormous. It stops you in your tracks.
One day they are saying ‘tell me a story’ and then ‘ Mom, I have to tell you a story” .
One day they say “pick me up” and then they say “pick me up ?”.
One day you are teaching them about sharing, the next it is about not sharing too much.
One day you will say to them ‘try again, it is not your best work’ and one day they will turn to you and say ‘try again, Mom, it is not your best work.’
One day it is “no more playing, time for bed” then suddenly it is ” no more working. Let’s play.”
One day your laundry basket is all pastel colours like a beautiful bowl of mints. The next day it is the colour of dead leaves; brown, grey, black.
One day you think they are adorable, beautiful enough to eat, you can’t keep your eyes,
hands or kissy lips off them. The next day you remind yourself that you have not really touched them and hugged them well in a while and you make a mental note to do so.
One day you put them down because they are too heavy. One day the chair creaks when they are on your lap, bedroom doors slowly close, naked bodies are hidden and secrets are kept.
One day you will be all their days, all their influence, and you will revel in how you can protect them. Then slowly -ever so slowly- you will turn them over to the world, and hope it is still a good place to raise them.
One day – every day if you pay attention- you will be excited and inspired by the goodness and the badness that they are, the courage they show, the beauty that is them and they will be raising you too in a way that is gorgeous and unexpected.
One day their little boots will be big and it will be better than ok because every thing that is given up is replaced by a new and wonderful thing.
Beautiful Nancy. I was only just thinking how long the days are and how short the years are. At times that thought exhilarates me (no more diapers!) and other times scares me to death (they will leave me one day).
Thanks
darling girl! we are entitled to the odd tantrum too. Give yourself a break- you are the coolest and I am sure most loving to the little man. I said the other day “this was the worst day of my entire life” and then an hour later laughed with my children over this! WE are HUMAN! They love it in us as we love it in them-xn
NANCY! I needed this so much today. As you’ve gathered from my posts – I’m struggling right now. It culminated in me screaming at the top of my lungs this morning “I can’t do this every single morning”…and then crying for yelling at him. I’m going to print this off, keep it with me and remind me that this is all going to fly by so fast and I better stop and enjoy the roses (and the thorns) because soon they’ll be gone…
thank you my friend…
x
Nancy,
(squeeky, throat-constricted voice), how you manage to say the most heart-squeezing truth has to be because you have a massive heart that has been squeezed first.
I wish I had recognized a girl like you when I was growing up and needed a person developing this character around me.
A fresh reminder to teach my girls to look deep into their friends’ actions and intentions.
Namaste,
Idas
Beautiful Nancy! I especially love the second to last paragraph. Well done!
I love this post, Nancy. Good words. Nice.
This is exquisitely written.
I have been thinking about this for some time now. I have been a stay at home mom since Cam was born in 2001. My identity has been largely defined as a mom.
And I have been more than happy and satisfied with that. But one day they won’t need me (our greatest hope for Cuyler is that he can live an independent, happy life) and then what will I do?
I made the choice and a commitment to spend these years rearing them into the people they will become. As much as it saddens me that the day will come that my days won’t be spent as “Mommy”, I do look forward to what the next chapter holds for me!
Thanks for giving me a tiny snapshop into the near future!