piss me off- love better

Valentine’s Day pisses me off the way going to church can. A dozen long stem roses, a cheesy Hallmark card or communion with God does not absolve you of your week long or year long lousy attitude, taking your life for granted or your partner, children, family or friends, health or good fortune.

This is not the one day to show love, be good, be better than yesterday. Can’t we do this all year long?

I remember when my dad worked at IBM, there was this ‘rule’ that there should be no surprises at review time. This applies to all relationships. I should not surprise you with a firing (break up) without having given you some understanding of where attention was needed or make this the only time that I tell you how much I appreciate you (love you, honour you, adore you).

Letting the other person know how they are doing and how you see them is a 365 day a year job.

Not so easy in a marriage with hard wired habits and believing that the other will always be there regardless of how you treat them.

This is not so easy when your children are driving you nuts with their less than perfect ways and their tendency to do that same thing over and over again even though you repeat yourself over and over again to the point that you can barely stand your own company.

Not so easy when your mom still thinks of you as a little girl at times who spills and trips and forgets (even if you do).

Not so easy when you are distracted by an overwhelming amount of tasks and work juxtaposed with an overriding desire to be fun and playful in light of daily crap.

This may sound dark but sometimes I think of the idea that today is the last day with that person. I try to overdo it. I don’t want to leave anything unsaid or unshown. I think I would die of regret otherwise.

On my bedroom mirror there is a note in red lipstick – it says simply- LOVE BETTER.

There is no ~~harder~~ higher goal. And it starts with the one you see in the mirror.

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