Breastfeeding is a very controversial subject. My kids are 9 and 12 now so I am far away from decisions or judgment or emotion surrounding this issue. However, the other day I overheard a conversation that brought it all back.
I was in an elevator for an extended time with two you women. One had a baby a few months old and the other was pregnant. As the elevator stopped on various floors to let others in and out and we made our way down to the parking garage I overheard a conversation that went like this:
New Mom: “I don’t mean to scare you but breastfeeding is really hard. It hurts. Nobody tells you that.”
Pregnant Mom: “No. I want you to tell me. I am still not sure what I am going to do.”
New Mom: “If I could do it all over again I would never bother. It was horrible. I always had to wake up. My husband couldn’t help. And my boobs looked horrible. I couldn’t wear any of my tops. It was embarrassing.”
(That one caused a head turn from me.)
Pregnant Mom: “Oh. I’d never thought about that.”
New Mom: “It is so much easier with the bottle. I am such a better mom now. I can leave her with anyone and do the things that I want to do.”
Pregnant Mom: “I see what you mean. I am definitely leaning towards the bottle.”
Now, I don’t want to get all political on you at all. I had friends who struggled to breastfeed and either supplemented or switched to the bottle. We were all doing our best and tried to support each other. But this conversation? NOT supportive. You can’t wear your clothes and do the things you want to do so don’t bother?
So, as we were exiting the elevator I held the door for them and said with a smile:
Me: “I loved breastfeeding. It was an amazing connection with my baby. At times it was overwhelming and hard but I would definitely do it all over again. I just thought you should know.” (More warm smiles from me.)
The New Mom looked at her friend and said:
New Mom: “You will always meet self-righteous people like that.”
WHAT?! Was I being self-righteous?! I didn’t think so. I thought she deserved a positive experience to truly make up her mind. I just couldn’t stand listening to this woman scare the sh*t out of her friend before she even had the chance to explore her options. What bothered me about this conversation was not the topic – we all make choices as parents that are best for our family – it was the one-sidedness. The subject could have been anything – natural labour, sky diving, Italian food – it was that her mission was to convince her friend to agree with her by using fear. She wasn’t listening to her friend or trying to give her a balanced personal experience, she was picking out the things she thought were most frightening and putting them on the table as fact.
But why? Why would she so badly want to scare her friend away from making a different choice? Why would she assume her friend’s experience won’t be a positive one? Is it about reinforcing and justifying her own choices? What do you think?
Me and my girl.