WARNING! If you don’t want to know, do not read on. I am real and I am human. And sometimes, rarely, but still on occasion, I want to get drunk.
OK, OK. Calm down. But really. Don’t you sometimes just want to lose yourself? Don’t you just want to go back to a place or a time when you could act ridiculously? Totally irresponsibly? And people barely noticed? In fact, it was almost expected of you? I could use a visit to this time and place right now. Today. For a few days. I could use a good old night out partying, full of silliness and too much to drink.
After all, this blog is my space. I know that, I do. But, just like any responsible business owner/representative/writer rarely do I “go there”. I just don’t usually let it all hang out.
Let me clarify that because anyone who has read my blog for a while, especially my posts about my mom, knows that I really don’t hold back on the emotional front. It is the ugly that I usually keep to myself. You know; the angry, the moody, the bitchy. This is partly because, in my humble opinion, there simply isn’t much of it.
I mean, my life rocks. I am truly happy.
I have two amazing kids, a hot and loving husband, fab friends, amazing staff and writers, clients who push the envelope and a business that challenges and rewards me always. However, in moments like these, I see it and I am forced to acknowledge the other side and let it show. So here it is:
Tonight I am sitting here with an ache. A homesick, lonely kind of ache. An antsy, needy, desperate feeling. Like the kind you get when you love a boy but you’re only 14…but different. This is a grown-up ache. One that only someone who knows would feel. A pain with knowledge. With wisdom. A pain with experience.
It is not my home I long for because, well, I am home. It is my past. You know, the good ole days. Times when things were so simple and all about hope. The time before loss.
I promise, I won’t get into the boo-hooing about my mom. We’ve been there. A lot. What I will say is that I really could use some company right about now. But, not just any company. I could really use a night out on the town with these guys:
My sisters. I think I am Sister Sick. I need a good dose of teenage silliness with the two people who know me best, Katherine and Allyson. But Kath is in Calgary and Alla in the UK. Plus, Alla is 6+ months pregnant so partying is waaaaaaaay at the bottom of her list. Still. It would be nice. To escape to the past with them. Just for a few days.