One of the many things I am grateful for as a parent is my ability to witness the relationship between my two sons. And by witness I sometimes mean tearing them apart to ensure they both live through the night, less they kill each other.
So far so good:
True brotherhood is foreign to me. As mentioned in previous posts, I have some old male friends, 30 year friends, that I very much consider brothers, but without an actual brother, I am guessing what that relationship actually feels like.
My boys are three years and 11 months apart in ages. Currently nine and five years old. The eldest, Hudson is tall and sensitive. The youngest, Tasman, is also tall for his age, but stockier, rugby clubs are already scouting him. He is sensitive as well, but has a streak of aggression that Hudson lacks. Sometimes I am thankful for this aggression, but other times, I am slightly afraid of it.
Get a haircut hippies!
Mostly the two boys get along pretty darn well for an almost four year gap in ages. I know as they get older, this gap, which seems pretty small now, will widen as the Hudson trickles into puberty. At ages nine and five (32 years later and I still can’t think these two numbers without singing the Dolly Parton song), it is ok for them both to spend an afternoon building Lego spaceships. At 13 and nine, my guess is Hudson will want nothing to do with his brother, as he will be interested in other, prettier and nicer smelling things.
They occasionally do fight and so far Hudson has the advantage because of his age, strength and height. But Tasman, who turns out was aptly devilishly named, is gaining a bit every day. Just last Wednesday, they were play fighting in the living room and Tasman whirling dirvished and clocked Hud in nose, bloodying him in the process. Now I don’t condone this level of violence, head shots are not allowed, but once the blood stopped flowing and my tsk tsking of Tasman was over, I had to shake my head at the inevitability of Tasman’s aggression gaining position on Hudson’s age and size. We saw it coming a couple of years ago, and thought maybe 11 and seven. But it’s closer then we thought, and I have to warn the Hud.
So fighting happens, but more often, it is cuddling under a duvet on the couch to watch a movie, Sure Tasman will be all over Hud like a spider monkey when they are fighting, but he idolizes his older brother. He is the first person he wants to show his kindergarten projects to and the moment he wakes up he asks “Where’s Hud?” before saddling up beside us for a morning cuddle.
When Hudson is feeling particularly hostile toward his brother, I remind him if this adulation, this reverence. I remind him that this is likely one of the strongest relationships he will have in his entire life and not only should he embrace it, but he should fiercely protect it if called upon.
He gets it, they both do actually. There are moments when they don’t know I am watching and I see the awkward shoulder to shoulder hug Hud gives him when Tasman scrapes his knee or the full blown embrace Tasman sometimes needs from Hud when he is super tired and his heading off to bed.
I love my sister(s) very much. But of course grew up with pangs of wanting a brother. Weirdly, with the variety of multiple marriages my parents offered me, I did not get one. But pass the popcorn and a box of tissues, because I do get to watch one for the rest of my life.
Taken yesterday at High Falls, near Bracebridge, Ontario.
What are the dynamics between your child and their siblings if they have some. Do they compare to your relationships to your brothers and/or sisters?
As one of 3 girls, I really don’t understand the brother relationship (though there’s a lot I don’t understand about boys…what’s with the hand constantly down their pants???).
My boys are 25 months apart, and started out as absolutely best friends. They were easy and automatic playmates and I have so many pictures of them intertwined as toddlers. My father-in-law used to refer to them as a couple of bear cubs.
Now my tween son is disdainful of anyone who is not part of his peer group, and nobody suffers that disdain more than his hero-worshipping younger brother. It breaks my heart to see the way he speaks to him, but then I see flashes of their easy and deep relationship over XBOX, Superbowl games and road hockey afternoons, and I’m hopeful that eventually they’ll be sharing beers and talking about girls, work, and what to get mom for her birthday.
My kids are just over 2.5 years apart, both girls, and swing back and forth on the love-hate pendulum with just as much speed and fierceness as you’d expect from girls aged 8 and 11. Sometimes I’m in awe of their tenderness towards each other, and at other times I’m ready to stick knitting needles in my ears just to stop the pain of listening to them bicker with each other.
Ahhh, the memories. I have two younger sisters and from what I remember, my daughters’ antics are pretty much par for the course. But at least now I FINALLY understand why it upset my mother so very much when we fought.
Today, my sisters are the two best and closest friends in my life. I can only hope my girls will experience the same closeness, comfort and safety in their ongoing friendship with each other.
My kids are 4 years apart and so was my sister and I. We didn’t fight too often when we were younger and we’re very close today. I only recall her punching my front tooth out and leaving bite marks on my arms. But I love her.
My kids don’t fight probably because the older one is bossy and high-strung while the little one is easy going. So far so good. But never say never, right?
Your boys are so cute, I am sure all their fights will only bring them closer!!! I have a 13 and 14 year old and it is close to never that they get along. The were so close before the eldest turned 10, then all hell broke loose. I am hoping one day the tide will swing back and they will smile at each other again, with out my prompting, but in the mean time I always remind them that they might need a kidney one day………