“I am smiling.”
I woke you up today, this beautiful snowy day, to wish you a happy birthdday. But first I looked at your body- all 5’10 of it. And your feet size 9.5. And your long beautiful dark hair. And your eyebrows – just like my dad’s. And your cheekbones pushing through the baby fat that was once there. And the look of peace on your face. You are so beautiful. And so strong.
I remember picking you up from preschool and kindergarten so excited to see you and spend time with you. You would wrap your spaghetti arms around my neck and say “Hi Momma! I love you.” Then we would eat lunch together and every afternoon for 3 years someone would say “Why isn’t she in school?” And I would say – she is only 3 or 4 or 5! And they would say- SHE IS SO BIG. And I would say- yes, isn’t she beautiful ? I was a little worried that people telling you everyday for 3 years that you were so BIG might not have a great effect on you. I was wrong. Your sense of self astounds me.
They were having a beach party at preschool in February one year and you insisted on wearing a bathing suit. It was -25 C and blowing snow. I unbundled you at school and you marched in, tummy first, full on tushie wedgie, and a wall of girls in sundresses stared you down saying ” Why on earth are you wearing your bathing suit?” And you said ” Because it is a beach party!” And you marched right passed them with your head in the air.
As you grew older, I could hear you telling crowds in the playground why they should believe in certain things- Santa, The Easter Bunny, Quantum Physics, God, Goodness, Kindness, Helping Others, Truth, The Environment, Playing My Way or the Highway and the Tooth Fairy. My little dictator.
One day when you were 9 I found a note in your pocket amongst candy wrappers, a dead moth worth keeping, several elastics and a tiny stub of a pencil. It was between you and your best friend telling her that your mom and dad had split up. I asked you about how it went. You said you had had been afraid to tell but you had had a dream the night before that you had shared the news with your best friends and that it had been okay. Soulful cat.
And this is the way it has been with you. You are little and big, soulful and silly, funny and serious. They told me strong young would serve well later provided I could live through it. And everyone was right.
I have loved every stage with you. You are wise and steady, hard working and hard playing. You are solid and smart. And you have a sassiness that thrills me.
Sometimes when I run out of ways to tell you how much I love you, I put on my straight face and my serious voice and I say
” I overheard a group of women talking as I walked by and they were all saying the same thing . Some were crying, others were having tantrums on the floor and one was even threatening to jump from a second story window ledge. “Oh my life would be perfect if I just had a daughter like Sammy.” “
And we laugh.
I love you, my baby. I can’t believe I get to be your mom. Happy Birthday.
xoxoxo momma
Awesome! You are so obviously lucky to have one another.
Laura! Thank you for saying that. I remember crying with you over how hard she was a toddler. She has taught me a lot. Oh yes she looked exactly like Harvey Keitel when she was born. And a little like curious george! xx
thank you all for sharing in my happiness ! It means so much. xxx
Nance, This made me cry. I remember when you called me to tell me your family looked just like mine. What a great day. I remember Sammy (Harvey Kietel) as a baby in all her temper tantrum, scrunched up face ways. She made you work hard as her mother. She has grown into such a strong person with a very solid understanding of who she is. She has always been a leader and marches to her own drummer. She is so lucky to have you as her mom. You didn’t ever squash the fiestiness out of her and that is so much of who she is today with all her self confidence. You are both so great for each other. Happy Birthday Sammy
SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Wah. I love this post Nanc. I love the ‘soulful cat’. She gets that from her ‘soulful lion’ of a mom. Happy Birthday Sam!!!!
Beautiful Nanc.
(the post. AND the girl)
(and the mum)
wonderful post. funny how this post is after sara’s and, according to all of her studies she cited, your kids should be awful or in jail and yet, your girls are beautiful souls, you are a beautiful soul and i love hearing about your love for each other 🙂
thanks for sharing all of your stories with us!
Wow, thats it, just WOW!