I love that this year’s trend on happiness and resolutions includes redefining our notion of success. We are discussing our lives with a raised consciousness, recognizing our life potential as being personal, unique and not necessarily representative of all the conflicting and confusing messages we have been given over our life times.
Canadians have been shown, through a recent survey conducted by American Express Canada, to repeatedly make lifestyle choices, take risks and pursue their dreams, even if that means making personal or professional sacrifices.
As part of my research on the topic of what it is to be a REAL LIFE POTENTIALIST, I had the extremely good fortune of being able to interview Dr Susan Biali, a talented Doctor, Author, Life Coach and Flamenco Dancer. And it was the re defining of both success and the gift of ‘failure’ that we both kept circling back to.
In 2006, when I was ‘quitting’ my marriage interestingly, she quit medecine to follow her passion, find herself and save her life. I get this. This is not a dramatic declaration. She was exhausted, depressed, even suicidal that night as she returned from a 36 hour shift in the Cardiac Care unit. She lay down on the carpet in her living room and contemplated the contents of her medicine cabinet as a way out. She begged for a sign.
The phone rang the next instant.
It was the chief resident asking her how she was. She pretended to her that everything was ok. But when the chief made reference to another intern who had killed herself a few years prior from the stress- Susan began to cry. She poured out her soul. The chief gave her a gift- 7 weeks leave of absence with an assignment. At the end of it, she needed to be able to answer, “Who am I ” and “What do I want to do ?” This was her escape valve, her opportunity to see life differently and a way out from hopelessness.
Her journey began with a trip to Cuba. She saw saw a group of salsa dancers performing one night and remembered her 10 year old self. How many hours had she practiced to be a solid gold dancer in her basement only to be told it was not a dream to follow?
Everyone thought she was crazy as she took up Salsa dancing and then Flamenco, switched to practicing medecine part time as a GP, became a life coach, an author, international speaker and a proffessional dancer.
Our interview went on for over an hour and I felt her a kindred spirit on many levels. We talked about loving that place of desperation where all the world reveals itself to you when you are most open and vulnerable and then -as she puts it – something or someone “hands you the keys to the kingdom”. You are able to think and see in all directions and take flight.
She found her gift to humanity because of making the ‘wrong’ choice, choosing to follow her dreams instead of life’s other committments. For that she is eternally thankful. The wrong choice led her down her perfect path. I believe some of us need the long trip to get wherever we are going.
At one point during a challenging period in my life, I made a sign and put it on my wall that read “THE FULL CATASTROPHE OF A RICH LIFE”. If you don’t change and try and fail and frighten yourself a little you wont have the full catastrophe of that rich life. I look at this sign everyday as a reminder to look at difficulty in a new way- as a tool to learn from, as a way to prevent from getting old in spirit, as proof that I live a full life and not a safe life.
Difficulty, failure and mistakes give us strength training. They give us an opportunity to show ourselves in our most glorious light, to strive for more and achieve more. They also offer us the most dynamic learning moments and opportunities for growth. We have a difficulty muscle that needs to be exercised- if things are too easy and safe that muscle gets flabby and atrophies with time. I believe happiness and success both rely on periods and aspects of difficulty to fully flourish.
When I think about being a Real Life Potentialist and redefining our notion of success, I thought of the following questions:
What about if we give ourselves a gift of failure this year as fodder for growth and strength training?
What would your life look like if you could embrace the full catastrophe of a rich life?
What if you could see difficulty as a gift of which you are not afraid and maybe even excited to open?
What if you could make it your business to embrace the 10 year old in yourself everyday and play and work with all the intrinisc motivation of that child you were?
What if you saw life as a game to be played as we respect, love and adore it but one where our job is to exercise that difficulty muscle a little everyday?
What if you saw the people around you as your life team, those that make you better, see you in the most favourable light, are there to help you and you them? Would you choose a different team?
What if you decided to do follow your dreams and realize your full potential?
I look forward to your story.