A few weeks ago I went to my annual mammogram and saw this on the street outside of the Hospital
I noticed it because most bikes look like this
I would rather be stuck on an elevator with bike owner number one. She might howl at the moon and collect cats, but she would never be boring.
While undressing I could hear the woman’s voice in the change room beside me speaking VERY LOUDLY into her cell phone. She had had a scare and was calling her adult son to say all was good. Emotion filled her voice.
I began thinking how vulnerable we women are to this verdict of our breast health. If a man feels life can have him by the balls, a woman can feel life has her by the breasts.
Two days after my routine mammogram I got a call back-something is up on the right side they said – I cried hard for 2.5 minutes in a parking lot scared that I could not fit any problems into my life. I thought about how I need to keep on the stretch of good and how badly I am needed running my own business and raising my children alone. Drunk man knocked hard on my window, I rolled it down and he asked me “why so sad, darlin?” His breath made we want to barf but it was an effective slap in the face. I blew my nose and drove away.
I put call back into a file called “don’t be so ridiculous, it is nothing.”
Yesterday I returned to the hospital again and saw the same bike out front smiling at me. This could be a beautiful ordinary day or this could be a life changing day, I thought. I was not trying to be melodramatic but I was completely unsure about what lay ahead.
In the waiting rooms of life, there is always a tender couple there for each other holding hands. I remember in those moments that I am alone.
I went into the X ray room and disrobed and the technician said what they always say to me “My, you have beautiful breasts” (ok, I made that up) and then she popped them in the vice grip and squeezed so so so hard as though she was trying to break me to get my secrets out.
Then to the P.O.W. waiting room where I stare hard at every person in a lab coat coming at me to try to see whether they have cheery news or shitty news. TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK.Time crept so slooooowwwwwly.
Finally….
“We want to take a closer look (at your beautiful breasts which don’t sag for your age quite as badly as they might)”. (ok, I made that up). “We need to do an ultrasound now.”
GULP.
Time now for the rarely -used- but -always- effective- single mother card. “Excuse me, I am not sure if you know, but nothing can go wrong with me. My life is so beautiful and I am still at the beginning of it. Also I am attached to and would like to keep my set”
Closer look taken and after a small cry of relief, I am now in change room answering my phone – it’s my mom- and I say LOUDLY. “all good, mom.” Emotion filling my voice.
*wipes sweat from brow* PHEW!!
I’m so thrilled to know you’re girls are okay – and even more thrilled that you actually MAKE necessary appointments for yourself! Too many women don’t make regular visits to the doctor… good for you.
Nanc – so happy that all is fine. I had the exact experience almost a year ago (I think I blogged about it) – and same as you – I just kept thinking ‘nothing can be wrong, I’m a single mom.’ It is SO scary and the amount of thoughts that can race through your head are unreal. I’m so happy you and your beautiful boobs are just fine!!!!
This post is so touching and raw. thank you for sharing you experience and so glad that everything is okay. and yes, you look fantastic for any age – elegant and beautiful always!
jarring, isn’t it?
I had a lump (still have it) develop 2 years ago. Went for the mammo – wow I could feel the skin in my chin stretching!
Same thing – they wanted a closer look on the u/s.
The entire time I was planning what I was going to start videotaping, the books I’d read, the songs I’d sing, the things we’d do so my babies wouldn’t forget me.
Luckily just some hardened tissue that poses no risk. Phew.
But my God – the thoughts that ran through my head.
All I could think of was “My worst nightmare is someone’s reality”
So glad you and your terrific tata’s are A-okay!!
if the world had you as role model of ‘no worries’ there would be no anxiety, no stress and no wasted time!!! xoxoxo I bow to you, cool cat!
Sue I miss you! Hope the worst part is over for you re: you know, whatshisface xoxoxo me
more than likely, 75% of your readers have had a similar experience. I remember a call back, the elevator door opened and I was confronted with a room full of couples gripping each other’s hands. I was alone as I had already decided all would be well. And it was!! xxmom
So glad that you are Ok Nancy. I went through something similar a few weeks ago and had my children orphaned. All is well, but these moments are so scary and like you, i want to keep travelling on the road to happiness after the tough road of divorce. So much to be happy for. Glad you are ok.
Sue
thank-you Jen- xn
I love this post Nancy and I’m so glad that “all’s good”. You really have such a gift for noticing and remarking on the things that so many of us just walk on by.