1. It is (one of) the very hardest things on earth
2. The time leading up to it is the very very worst part
3. You wanted to do it long before you gave yourself permission to do it
4. You did everything you could not to do it
5. You hated telling people at first-it felt like failure. But then it became matter of fact.
6. The fact that it is common -even epedemic- did not make your experience less painful but did make it less lonely
7. If it is the right thing you will never feel better and the universe will support you
8. You will always mourn the loss of ‘family’ but celebrate the gain of happiness and peace.
9. Your strength will astound you
10. We regard happily married people the way you regard happily divorced people. We like the look of your planet but we have never been there.
11. You will hardly recognize yourself later for how the difficulty positively transformed you.
Thank you, anonymous. This is a good thing to point out and I am very sorry of this was/is your story. Be well and be nice to yourself. xo
I agree with you. Even from my side -it saddens me when I hear of marriage being entered into (reality TV garbage) or exited out of easily. However in real life, in the lives that I know – you walk on coals to preserve it, save it, fix it. In relationships, sometimes the ship is saved, sometimes the captain goes down with the ship and sometimes just before you drown, you jump to safety.
I am learning many things about myself. One of the things I have always known is that I work hard at relationships. I never wanted fairy tale, I wanted obstacles and challenges and partnership. I knew I could perform at that. I knew it could be a life to be proud of. But it was not possible in my marriage. I will leave it at that.
I am always trying to remind myself that I never know what people are struggling with and to know there is always more than meets the eye.
Thank you for your heartfelt comment and your dedication to marriage. It is uplifting.
“Choosing” to stay committed is not an option when the other partner no longer “chooses” it as well, “chooses” to no longer respect you, or “chooses” to disregard your efforts to raise children while working full-time, or “choosing” to actively participate in the lives of others vs. your own family life, or “choosing” to degrade or demean you…
No level of commitment to one’s partner or willingness to “choose” love can overcome another’s apathy or boredom…. Sometimes, it is just not that easy, and despite efforts to remain together, there is no choice to love when the other is not on the same side…..
yes Kath me too- I think I want to rephrase #10 as I was a tourist to that planet but not a resident. There were happy times. I hope you can remember yours too. xx
It’s a shame that people have lost the meaning of commitment and are
chasing that “Hollywood” dream marriage where nothing goes wrong, where
there is no pain or arguments (I am NOT talking about abuse) but when
two people, no matter how similar they think they are or how much in
common they have come together there’s going to be friction and
differences. Commitment means be totally committed to one another
despite the challenges that come, being wholly devoted to love and
cherish one another no matter the differences and difficulties that
arise. When there is commitment there is no “falling out of love”
because marriage cannot be based on emotions, which change all the
time. We can’t just feel like loving our spouse and when that feeling
is gone stop being married. Love is a choice that we make, commitment
means choosing to love even when we don’t feel like it. Just my
thoughts.
Yes, yes, yes. Eleven times yes!
Number 10 makes me sad, but it’s true.