Most have listened to my tales of 8 children, two whom have Aspergers and an eight year old, whom we just discovered has a severe learning disability. There is always a forum for these topics, and along with that, usually a sympathetic mom or two who are experiencing the same emotions with whom you can talk to about services (or lack thereof) frustrations, dealing with siblings or the impact of having a special needs child has on a marriage. However, what I haven’t talked about is my daughter who was deemed gifted in grade 4.
When a parent is told their child is “Gifted” academically there is an extreme sense of pride, happiness, a sense of safety and the right to shout out “Lucky child must have got mama’s genes!” You know your child will be successful in school and you won’t have to worry about the gifted child as much as you may have to about other children. School should be a breeze, and hey – is that a scholarship you see a few years down the road? I wish it were that easy but it isn’t.
Life can be hard for a gifted student in many ways. My daughter found this out last year when she first entered middle school. She was very excited because she had been accepted into a specialized Regional program. She was so thrilled to be at a new school, and to meet new friends. Unfortunately, it wasn’t anything at all like she thought it would be. She really had nothing in common with many of her peers because maturity wise she was at a different level. She was out casted socially and emotionally bullied. Why? Because she was smart, she understood the work, she worked hard, and she loved school. Many of her peers were jealous and therefore treated her (for lack of better words) like shit. It tore me apart to see my once social and happy child so miserable.
Aside from the peer issues there are other aspects of a gifted child’s personality that are hard to deal with as a parent. For one they are perfectionists and set very hard standards for themselves. Being driven is one thing but when you are so driven to succeed at such a young age it can cause a child much anxiety, which brings me to my next point. Many gifted children are very anxious, and they worry about everything. My own gifted child suffers daily from a form of anxiety known as OCD.
Gifted children typically have an overactive imagination, which can be a good thing, a bad thing or both. For example, my daughter is very creative and an amazing writer, however, she also comes up with the wildest things that scare her half to death!
When a child has a physical or developmental disorder or a learning disability there are support groups out there for parents and family.
When a child is gifted, there are a bunch of enthusiastic nods, clapping of hands, and exclamations of “Wow that is great!” or “You must be so proud!” There are no monthly meetings to attend where you can talk to other parents of gifted children, or learn more about a gifted child’s IEP or how to deal with the social issues that come up. When it comes to support there are very few schools that actually offer “Gifted” classes. Many will pull the gifted children out of their mainstream class and work with them on various things, but this only happens once or twice a week and for the most part doesn’t really offer them much of a challenge. Many gifted children become bored and some may even begin to get poor grades because they are not given enough stimulation in the classroom.
This year after the first day of school my daughter decided she didn’t want to be bullied anymore or treated differently just because she is smart. We made the decision to take her out of her current school and transfer to another. Fortunately, I was able to find her a school that offers a true gifted program in a contained class of gifted students. At this point her happiness is most important and I think the right decision was made. No child should be bullied because they are smart, or for any other reason.
What about you? Has your child been bullied for any reason?
Until next time,
Chantel, momof8crazymonkeys
My two oldest are gifted and my husband and I have struggled with whether to have them coded or not. They seem to do fine socially (though my oldest calls himself a geek) but they’re bored at school. I’ve heard statistics that the high school drop out rate for gifted kids is high because of this boredom but I’m worried that coding them will hinder them socially by labelling them. It’s a tough call as to what’s more important, their happiness or their academics.
Okay Nancy I have a special post just for you:) You guys are hilarious!
Sara- I agree with you. One of the very best things about moms with many kids is that they are so bloody well adjusted- nothing is too precious and they just deal.
I am impressed with you Chantal. But I need to see a pic without the shades to see if your eyes have suitcases under them or are bloodshot. Please.
No one is gifted over here. And I think I have behavioral issues and low grade ADHD. But not a gifted gene in sight.
Thanks Sara – If I knew how to do a heart here it would be inserted:) Yes I have a lot on my plate but I always feel I have been handed everything for a reason – sometimes I don’t always agree and would like to scream out “why the f**k me!?”
Having a sense of humour is what keeps me going some days because really you never know what is going to happen when you wake up in the morning. Plus I want my kiddies to remember as a good person (okay on most days) so at least one of them will take care of me in my old age – lol.
Thanks Therese you are so sweet and as long as at least one person is reading my posts than I will continue to write them:)
It is so true about Gifted children having social issues. My daughter informed me last year that she was “socially awkward.” what amazed me is that she had the understanding that she is! I am so glad that your son is doing better and enjoying school more. We do have to keep our children’s best interests at heart and listen.
LIke Therese – I love reading your posts. I always sensed that being labeled ‘gifted’ would bring a big set of challenges along with it. I seriously bow to you – because you have a shit load on your plate but still have such a sense of humour ….
My gifted child has been the most challenging one to parent, and school definitely isn’t easy. Tested at the beginning of second grade, as he did triple digit multiplication in his head, their solution to challenge him was to give him ‘extra’ work – which he immediately decided was unfair. In grade 3, I was never sure if he would be fuming angry or in tears as I met him at school – too often it was one or the other. So in Grade 4, we put him in a gifted program – and it could not have been a better decision. While he still complained about school, his entire disposition improved and he was easier to live with. We pulled him from the gifted program for grade 7, for many reasons, including putting him in with some buddies from the neighbourhood in the French Immersion program. The challenge has been great, he has friends again (many gifted kids have social issues, my son included), and while every day he complains about having to go to school, the day I gave him an ‘out’ (stitches from a stupid stunt), he insisted on going, so can’t be so bad. I needed for him to be happy, because he is miserable to live with when he is not, and it pained me to see him so unhappy. It is so important to keep our children’s best interests at heart and to listen to them – often they know what they need better than we do.
You seem like an amazing Mom – I love reading your posts.
🙂 test
Thanks for sharing that Desi. My daughter was actually in French Immersion as well until grade 6. She was then accepted into an IB school and the Arts school for grades 7 & 8 and chose the Arts – these programs are English only so she had to drop out of the immersion. The french did help offer more of a challenge though. As for her new school she seems to be really enjoying it:)
I know your question was about bullying issues, but your daughter’s story really resonates with me. I was declared “gifted” when I was six, and because of means and situation school was not a good experience for me. I wasn’t bullied, and I wasn’t necessarily excluded, I was just interested in different things than most of my classmates and all of the kids my age. I was bored out of my mind, found much older friends, and read the complete works of Stephen King in class during third and fourth grade.
My daughter began writing when she was 2.5 and has been reading independently and doing simple math since she was 3. We are uneasy about the “gifted” label. We have chosen not to put her in an Academic Challenge school or IB charter school because we don’t want that label to define her. And we especially don’t want her to dislike school as much as I did. Hopefully, the French Immersion program will be enough of a challenge for her (we’re a bunch of anglos!), while keeping her with kids at the same stage of physical development. We may move her to an IB school later, but we’ll see how it goes.
I think it’s fantastic that you recognized the problem and moved your daughter to a better environment. I hope it works out well for all of you!