Being a Dad who publicly comments on his misgivings and failures as a father often leaves me lonely and questioning myself… am I the only guy that feels this way? Maybe I should just shut up and pretend I know what I am doing. What if Pea inherits all the things about me that I don’t even like?
Last night, I found out I am not alone in my self-doubt… and I’ve got to be honest, it felt kind of nice to hear someone else reveal just how scary being a Dad really is.
Together with a few friends, my wife and I saw Chris Gibbs’ one-man comedy show, Like Father, Like Son? Sorry. at Toronto’s Factory Theatre.
The premise of the show is pretty simple. Gibbs outlines the sheer terror that goes hand-in-hand with being a father. Only he makes it funny. Presumably to keep the Dad’s in the audience from crying.
One of the main themes of Gibbs’ show is the scary thought that his child might pick up on his awkward personality traits, mimic them and ultimately adopt them as his own. Gibbs’ examples included an unhealthy fear of dogs and a crippling shyness that leads him to say and do things he eventually regrets.
I found this logic particularly interesting, because my personal blog was started with this very premise in mind.
You see, I don’t really know what I want my daughter to become. I want her to be true to herself and happy, but the specifics of that happiness are hers to figure out.
But like Gibbs outlines in his show, there are a lot of things I prefer she not become… and many of these wishes have to do with what I don’t like about myself as a person, as a partner and as a father.
I guess that’s what being a parent is all about; giving our kids a chance to live their lives without the obstacles — real, perceived, or self-inflicted — we have faced during our lives.
Watching Gibbs discuss this on stage made me realize that no matter how secure we might have felt about ourselves before we became parents, having a child makes us realize that we can always do better.
So now I can go on with my life as a blogger and a Dad knowing that there is at least one other guy out there who is just as scared as I am… petrified that his kid will end up just like him in all the wrong ways.
One thing is for sure: recognizing you have a problem is the first step towards recovery changing for the better.
I hear you, there is nothing like a little girl imitating my most irritating personality traits to shine a big giant spotlight on my flaws, thereby instantly shrinking my poor ego even more! I love that she wants to be just like her Mommy but sometimes it is just a little too self-revealing for me. And in just a few short months DS will be doing that too, what happens when there are two little versions of me running around?? Arrrgh!
I’m glad men feel this way too, I thought it was just an insecurity I had because my job is, well, my kids!
Ah, Shawn. You’re awesome. And I can totally relate.