Pea has been sick for the better part of a week. Nothing serious thankfully, just a cold, but she’s not been herself lately and it’s truly taken its toll on her… and on me.
She’s waking often during the night, refusing to sleep any length of time in her own crib and her irritability has often reached ear-piercing levels. In short, she’s behaving exactly as you would expect a sick child to behave.
While Pea is getting an A+ in “Living with a Cold 101,” I am miserably failing “Fathering a Sick Child 101.”
I have been one short-tempered Daddy. There have been several meltdowns, awesome confrontations with my wife and a pause on my holiday spirit. I’ve lost my evenings because Pea needs more nighttime comfort than usual and I’m often eating dinner at 9pm because that’s the only time I’m able to slip away for a bite.
And trust me, a hungry Shawn is not a pretty sight.
Now, as Pea gets better, my guilt and shame get worse.
I mean… what kind of father gets frustrated with a little girl who can’t sleep because her nose is too stuffy?
What kind of Dad won’t gladly let his daughter sleep all night in the nook of his arm so she can get some rest?
As I wallowed in my own shame and self-loathing, I heard a story that completely changed my outlook on things.
Jesse Fowler, a young Dad from Burlington, Vermont, recently robbed the tattoo parlour where he used to work. When the cops arrested him on the scene, Jesse was in possession of cocaine, heroin and his six-year-old son. According to reports, the boy was wearing nothing but an adult shirt, underwear, socks and shoes.
This story is disgusting and despicable on so many levels. I can’t even begin to think what life is like for this little boy, who doesn’t deserve to be involved in anything like this. And, the optimist in me needs to believe that Jesse is in a constant battle with his drug addiction and his job as a Dad… and that the worst is prevailing.
So sure, I’ve been a little curt with Pea lately, but I’m doing the best I can. And in the grand scheme of things, I’m definitely not the worst Dad out there.
You are a “human” Dad if you get frustrated if your child can’t get to sleep because of a stuffy nose. Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us. Before you beat yourself up, just ask yourself something. Would a bad parent care if their kid couldn’t sleep, would they get frustrated because they can’t help?? OR would they just close the door and walk away and not care??
Lack of sleep..is no fun.
Kids getting sick…is no fun.
Hang in there. Pea will get better and both of you will soon get some sleep!!
I hear ya.
One of the best pieces of advice I got was “children thrive in spite of their parents”. And it’s true. It’s OK that you had a few off days with Pea, she knows you love her, and she’s going to be just fine even though you were curt with her and perhaps a bit grumpy. In the grand scheme of things, it sounds like you’re doing a great job as dad.
it’s so hard because there is nothing you can do. i know with my husband he gets frustrated cuz (and i’m going to generalize here) guys _need_ to fix things and get really frustrated when the ‘fix’ doesn’t work.
you are not the only one, either. if there is one parent who hasn’t felt/done that then they’re lying. just wait until they’re older…you teach them to be smart and independent thinkers and then when they start to think independently, you get mad at them for not following your “orders” 🙂
just wave the white flag now!
Jen, Sarah: some excellent advice. And forgiving ourselves is probably the most difficult thing to do.
Julie, well, yeah, I guess compared to the Mom from Push, I am definitely doing a bang up job! Not much of a benchmark, I have to admit, but nevertheless a source of comfort!!
Oh, I just read Push (the book that the movie Precious is based on). That tops the list of parental abuse. Think of every possible, terrible that that could be done to a child. Now add a whole extra layer of things that you couldn’t have even imagined possible. It’s that bad. So yeah, everything is relative. Really, really relative!
Tough on everyone when your child is sick!! You’re a good dad and you love her- and she knows it- so don’t be too hard on yourself!
Ah, yes. Nothing like a sick child to bring out the best in us. Comforting and soothing sounds so romantic until your child is screaming, you haven’t slept or eaten in days, and it’s only 2 short hours until you have to get out of bed and start this whole thing all over again.
You’re right, Shawn. It is important to have perspective. But one of the best pieces of advice I got while pregnant (and self-righteously thinking I would never need it) was to forgive yourself. You will be less than stellar on occasion but, in the grand scheme of things, that’s OK.