Are We There Yet? Raising a Hell-Raiser

“Are we there yet?” It’s the single most dreaded question on a summer road trip. You hear it 500 million times until your head is ready to explode. Of course we aren’t there yet, tiny human ball of annoying questions. If we were there, we would be parked. It seems pretty obvious, but sure, keep asking me that five hundred million more times. I live for this stuff, after all.

The truth is, I secretly hope my child will be a pain in the butt. I want him to ask a lot of questions and never stop. I had a long chat about this with a freelance writer friend, Jef Rouner, who talked about how he encouraged his own daughter to question rules that don’t make sense to her. He battled school dress code rules that didn’t make sense. His parenting approach makes perfect sense to me. Social change happens as a result of people questioning the status quo. Sometimes the status quo just isn’t good enough or it’s not fair or it just doesn’t make any sense. My son is being raised by a mother who deeply loves social justice advocacy and a father who is an entrepreneur. His parents are unconventional folks who march and pole dance to the beat of their own drummers and we hope he grows up to do the same.

I hope my son asks lots of questions. He’s already starting. He wonders why we raise money to improve water quality for Africa every year. He figures, we did this last year, why isn’t it fixed yet? Why doesn’t Africa have clean water yet? Why is it taking so long? Are we there yet, mommy? He also wonders about the status of women overseas. He heard that in some places women aren’t allowed to go out alone without male accompaniment. He doesn’t understand why life should be different for a girl than it is for a boy. I’m raising a feminist. Why do they have those rules, mommy? He asks a lot of questions. I don’t always have answers that satisfy him, because some of this stuff just doesn’t make sense to me either. I don’t know what to say.

Silence is compliance and that’s why I hope he never shuts up. Compliance sounds convenient. It’s super handy for public behaviour that doesn’t raise eyebrows. Unfortunately, all great social change happens as a result of people who aren’t afraid to make a scene. For this reason, I look forward to every time my son asks “Are we there yet?” and I hope he asks it 500 million more times.