Early on in my parenting career, when I was filled with hope and promise and not covered in jam, I promised myself that I would not forget what it was like to be a kid so I could relate better to my kids. I figured it would more come into play in the teenage years where the clandestine becomes more important, that I would pop out from behind the bushes as my son(s) passed the mason jar full of jungle juice around. Or lie waiting in their bed next to the decoy formed pillows as they snuck back home in the middle of the night. There are other things I was caught for, but I am hoping my boys’ path is a bit more virtuous.
Unfortunately, I kind of forget what it is like to be almost 11, heading down the stretch to the grade five finish line. Beyond the obvious differences, the paper cups attached by string vs. cell phones, the abacus vs. the laptop, I don’t really remember how much freedom I had to roam around the neighbourhood with my friends after school. Yes, I was a latch key kid with a single mother at the time, but I still think there was a responsibility to come home right after school and keep it close until my mom arrived home from work. I also had an elder sibling, and when she wasn’t making out on the hill outside her school (you’re welcome Mitch) she was supposed to keep some tabs on me.
Loving the spring weather
Since the weather turned, Hudson has been spending more time with a group of friends biking through the various park systems near their school. It’s about four or five of them, all biking through mud, climbing trees, picking boogers and swearing at each other. All seemingly very innocent. But there is something about this 75-90 minutes of freedom at 10 years old that is unsettling to me. It all seems portant to future park hanging out where the inevitable cigarette or single beer suddenly appears. And while deep down I know this is a ways off, it still feels closer than it did when I was a kid.
Being the kid I was (read: not very good), I am hoping these apples fall in the next orchard, in the next county over. I trust Hud, but as mentioned before, he is easily influenced and could very easily fall victim to guilty by association.
Thankfully he is still very honest and anything remarkably offside (e.g. defiant littering) he still tells me and admits that he picked up his candy wrapper when his friends weren’t looking. So maybe I am over reacting.
How much post school freedom do you give your kids?
I know, Jason…it’s always hard to figure out just how much of the old rope to let out when they start to tug. This is one of those cases when I think you’ve got to trust your gut – if you like and trust the other kids, and he wants to go, then let him do it. It’s only an hour and a half, right? On the other hand, if you get a bad vibe from the other kids, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with keeping him a little closer to home or shortening the duration of the trip.
When my kids were babies I felt like I had ALL the answers. Now? NONE.
This is a tough, tough job.
I’m having a similar issue with my 9 year old wanting to bike to the depanneur with his friends for a popsicle or candy bar, sans adults… some of the kids are a few years older, so, though I’m not exactly fearful of his “safety” in getting there and back, this feels like the opening of the can of worms – and it’s hard to go back. I commiserate, Jason. Le sigh.
Hi Jason
I really enjoyed your article It was very interesting you are right children are influenced by their peers and the environment around them. All you can do is your best and lead by example. Keep doing your best happy mothers day to your wife
Rosetta