This kid’s favourite sport is soccer. He loves watching it, playing FIFA video games, and spends hours kicking a ball around with his cronies in front of our house, for as many hours as I’ll let him. And these many, many hours of practice have garnered him some pretty excellent footwork… and he’s gentle about it – he’s not likely to push his way to the ball, but he’ll neatly steal it from between your ankles with quick little jabs of his nimble feet.
Case in point: As we watched the Toronto Maple Leafs let their excellent lead slip away during game #7 and LOSE the other night (after which he cried, poor lamb… okay, we all did… I’m still totally shocked and dismayed, man!) I asked him if he’d like to learn to play hockey. He said, “Well, I like watching hockey, but I don’t like all the punching and stuff. I find this game too aggressive. I prefer soccer.” (I reminded him that they don’t spend all their time fighting, but I guess it’s what stands out to him. Gentle, I say.)
So, soccer it is.
He studies the game, and he knows the rules. He’s learning about proper positioning, and about defence. He’s got a pretty good team of kids to play with, but during one of the last games when he came off for a rest, he looked… frustrated as hell.
Me: What’s up, Boo?
He: Well, I just… *hand slaps thigh* …some kids don’t pass the ball. I could have scored before, but… some kids just want to score all the time themselves, even though they could have passed to someone closer to the net. It’s not really fair.
He looks positively crestfallen.
Me: *deep breath* Yeah, I understand. It would be better if everyone had more of a chance to score.
He: Well, I could have! And I always pass the ball. You’re supposed to.
Me: *nods* I know. But helping assist the shot is just as important…
He: …but it’s bad when someone hogs the ball all the time.
Me: *rubs his head* Especially on your own team. *nods* I know.
He: It’s not fair. *tsk*
Me: I know, Boo. The thing is, the team wants to win, so sometimes it feels like the right thing just to get as many goals as possible… but it doesn’t always feel good for everyone else on the team. I know.
He: Yeah. Because no one else gets a chance.
Me: But you’re ahead by a lot!
He: I know, but… *grumbles*
Me: You know, maybe before your next game, you could ask your coach if you could practice passing the ball for a while… the whole team could benefit, I’m sure, because some boys are still just learning how to play the game, you know? Learning their positions, trying not to be offside… all that stuff. It’s harder to play on a team than one-on-one in front of our house. It takes practice.
He: *gives me a dubious look*
Me: I mean, instead of whining or complaining with a sad face, you could just look him in the eye and lay it out like that… sometimes it’s all in the way you ask for something.
He: Could you ask him?
Me: *shakes head* I think you should do it. I mean, if it’s important to you… and he might even say no *shrugs* but if you ask in a neutral way, he’s not likely to refuse you. Smile at the man when you ask him. And thank him if he agrees – he’s not scary, or anything. People are often open to good ideas. *smiles* Anyway, he might catch your drift, instead of you singling anyone out… which is a bit like tattling… you know what I mean?
He: Mmmm. Maybe.
It didn’t matter that they creamed the other team 12-2 that day. (And he did score one goal himself.) I don’t know what he’ll decide to do in the end, but I think it’s important that he do it for himself. I want him to be able to find effective ways to get what he wants… these are the character-building things I cannot do for him, as much as I wish I could.
I have high hopes for this boy.
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