Will started soccer yesterday. We did a soccer skills thing when he was three, and frankly I’m amazed that he remembered any of it. We went on Sunday and got his shin pads and a pair of cleats (because they were $9.99 and adorable). He’s been really excited.
Yesterday morning, we woke up and I told him that I was his team’s assistant coach. Oh the look. I won’t soon forget that look. Sheer joy. Disbelief. Awesomeness.
Unfortunately, I said ‘assistant coach’ and he heard ‘my mommy gets to hang out with me through the whole game’.
Wait back up. He’s playing in Timbits soccer. His team name? The Boston Creamers. Listen, you can call them the Boston Creamers all you want…but really, like me, you want to yell panty creamers. Admit it.
Anyway. We got our uniforms, our new balls and the 12 four year olds all gathered in a group. Our coach, who is lovely but very shy, ‘allowed’ me to take over. There was running, there was kicking, there was cheering, and there were big salty tears. From one kid.
One kid who was ‘tired’. One kid who didn’t want to play. One kid who stood on the sidelines with a scowl. All of this was the same kid. My kid.
Reflecting, I didn’t handle it well. I was angry with him. And short. I took the time to make the other kids feel comfortable, make sure that they were happy and having fun and banished my kid to the sidelines with no one to comfort him.
It hit me as we were walking to the car after. We talked about it but I think he was embarrassed. He kept making jokes but didn’t really want to talk about it. It took a giant ice cream cone and a talk about what coaches need to do to to get him to admit that he was sad that I was helping all the other kids.
I’m stuck on this one though. I’m not sure how it will get better. Maybe I need to make sure I bring someone with me, so he has his own ‘parent’ cheering on the side? Maybe I need to not volunteer to be a freaking coach next time? I’m not sure. Any ideas? I don’t want his first experience with organized sports to suck because of this.
While we’re at it, any ideas on how to not laugh every time I yell ‘go get em creamers??”
I love “this too shall pass” as well Kath- And I had it on my bedroom mirror in lipstick for weeks at one tough stage!!! xoxox
Sara, as my mom used to always say…”this too shall pass.” At the end of the day, all Will will remember is that his mom was his soccer coach.
Plus, I think Nancy’s suggestions are nothing short of brilliant. I need to take parenting lessons from her!
I am sorry but I think this is the cutest story
I used to role play with youngest- “show me your face when it is time to leave the park, show me your face when it is time to leave Steph’s” etc- it helped. Then in reality I would say “show me your face now that it is time to leave the park” and she would put on the falsest trying so hard frustrated smile but she would not have a tantrum and we would leave pretty nicely. Tell him what is and what is not perfect about you being assis coach. Pour a glass of wine and him a root beer and get a peice of paper and do Will and Sara’s pros and cons- weigh out the sides and discuss simply. He might see- oh yeah, cool mom.
Keep up with the ‘dirty’ thoughts, btw. All good
I think he just had to get used to it… he’s not used to sharing you with anyone, you know – much less, with EVERYONE. He’ll get with the programme – ignore him for now. (Good luck!!)
“laa laa laa…hiiiigh school….confidential…” can’t get that song out of my head now (just keep singing the lyrics, y’all will get it shortly!)
my nephew did the same thing when he was 4…and he was mad at all the other kids for taking “his” balls! my b.i.l. had to really work with him but he did get much better.
I coached Hudson for six years and am now on my third year with Tasman and I am in agreement, focus on the group not the individual and make it as fun as possible.
There are countless resources on the web about the the games you can create around soccer drills and they respond so much better to the Don’t drive off the cliff or Mud Monster games as opposed to the specific drills.
Once Will sees that all the other Creamers (I am so sorry) are enjoying his mother, he will reengage and carry that pride within, even if he does not know it.
Coaching is a really rewarding experience, I dread the weekly responsibility, but am so energized once out there among the smiling kids.
Good luck!
J.
Last year we had the same issue with my son while we coached t-ball…we left it alone and soon enough he noticed the fun the kids were having and joined in. This year we decided not to coach or assist with his baseball team and watch on the side lines…we do however coach my daughters team and he comes out twice a week and WILLINGLY helps with the drills…. Our biggest bribe is “snack” you don’t listen, you don’t get snack…..stick to it…he’ll listen next time….maybe a gentle reminder on the way to the game of how he acted…”Buddy, mom is there to help everyone and I just want you to have fun with all the other kids! And remember when we’re done we get a treat! And if you don’t listen, you don’t get one”. Oh god, I sound like a broken record…. I find kids tend to misbehave more often when we’re around…I will never forget going into a parent teacher interview and the teacher said to me “your son is wonderful” I had to check to see if there was someone behind me….